By Jeanine DeHoney
It can be extremely hurtful when your husband’s Mama doesn’t openly embrace you into her heart or her family. You love her son, run your household, and raise her grandchildren but still you are not good enough for him or to be a part of her family. With her in the ring, you feel like you’ve just gone one round with Mike Tyson. But, battling his Mama will drain you of precious energy that can be used towards enriching your life and marriage. So, here are some steps to end his Mama’s drama.
1. View your mother-in-law as the mother who birthed and nurtured the man you now love. That alone should soften your heart towards her. Love her for the morals and values she instilled in your soulmate. Love her for the fact she taught him how to make a mean pot of Gumbo and enfolded him with the qualities that make him a good black man.
2. Look at her life now through her eyes. Maybe his mother is insecure because she relied on your husband for emotional/financial support, albeit how unhealthy it was, and feels that you are taking that away from her. Maybe your husband was her last adult child to leave home and she is feeling lonely now that her nest is empty. Maybe her own broken marriage causes her to envy yours. Pray for her wounded heart to mend.
3. Don’t bring you and your husband’s problems to her. If you’ve had an argument, call a truce around his mother to show a united front. She doesn’t need any more ammunition to fuel her dislike of you.
4. Plan an outing with your mother-in-law. Pick someplace like a day spa where you both can release tension and relax enough to enjoy each other’s company.
Ronnie Tyler says
this is very positive advice…and reminds us to stay respectful… if you love your husband…you will do everything in your power to try to make it work.
I know there are some ‘in-laws’ that will cut-up no matter what you do..and those instances you should look to your spouse for support in the matter.
Lisa K. says
Here’s one more: refer to your mother-in-law as mother-in-LOVE. This will serve as a reminder to you that love brought her into your life. That ‘reminder’ will cause you to act in love when interacting with her.
Anonymous says
I love this piece of advice.
Hilari says
I tried 1-9, they didn’t work, so I let my mom handle my mother in law… It’s been wonderful every since. Once she realized that I was not alone in the world and that my mom would whoop her ass for making my life hell. She fell back. #unconventionalmethods
Eugenia says
I did that too worked really well. Also my husband and I are a united front, she has boundaries with him and me. I don’t confront her, that’s his job. If she gets out of line, he sets down the boundary. She was shocked at first because I think she thought he’d side with her but no I’m the wife. I’m the number one woman I his life, she’s learning that, I’m not going to compete for what is mine.
Leslie says
Let’s remember, the mother in law is the son’s mom meaning if she really loved her son she would do everything in her power to preserve the relationship wither her daughter in law. It’s a 2 way street.
I have always been nice, up beat, have done all the things on this list, but that doesn’t stop all mother in laws. My MIL finds something wrong with everything I do. And she doesn’t just offer advice, she will straight out just tell me “I know more then you”, “You will see”, and “That isn’t the way to do it”…whats funny is she will say these things before I even disagree with her! In fact, I have never disagreed with her, she just jumps to conclusions. She has also called criticized me to my husband…calling me manipulative, cry baby, throwing a fit. The reasons, I don’t even know. I have only told her I wasn’t going to do it her way once. I mean I am allowed to say no one time in 5 years, right?
Now she isn’t coming to our engagement party for reasons about her ex. She is just all over the place. She finds problem with everyone.
My best advice is. Stay pleasant and upbeat, but keep your MIL at an arm’s length away. Do not tell her personal things, she will use those against you. When you do see her with family gatherings do all these things on the list, be nice, but I would not expect her to be your friend. And the perfect gift…get her something she can use with her friends, husband, etc. I got my MIL a gift card to a wine tour with one of her friends. Keeps her busy and distracted from finding all the things wrong with me!
football says
That brings us to quite possibly the most intriguing match-up to that point
of the season when Oregon comes to Rice-Eccles. ‘The teams, the broadcast
contract and our showcase games this year are going to generate
tremendous excitement about this League and the great
seasons to come. So besides the fact that both sports are being played with 11 players on the field, the similarity ends here.