5. Speak up when your mother-in-law makes rude comments. Handle the little issues before they blow up into something bigger even if you must take her aside if you are at a family gathering. Use “I” words such as “I feel” instead of accusatory words such as “You always.” She will respect you more when you stand up to her.
6. Get to know her as a person in her own right. Ask your mother-in-law about her life, childhood, and dreams. You might be surprised at how much you admire about her.
7. Give her a gift. A plaque with an inspirational saying, a blank cookbook to write down her family recipes, etc. so that she will have something tangible to always remember you by.
8. Find something about your mother-in-law worth celebrating; her fashion sense, her volunteerism, her knowledge of black history, etc.
9. Envision the relationship you hope to have with your mother-in-law in the future. Focus on what you want in your relationship with her, and hopefully one day you will have the relationship you desire. If not, you will at least be at peace knowing you gave your best effort to end the drama.
BMWK – If you have been able to successfully overcome drama with your in-laws, please share with us what it took to build a relationship.
Jeanine DeHoney is a former early childhood assistant teacher and family services coordinator. As a freelance writer, her writing has been published in Essence, Black Secrets, Black Romance, Upscale, Today’s Black Woman, Mused-Bella Online, Mothering.com. Grand Magazine, Family Fun Magazine, Writing for Dollars, The Write Place At The Write Time, Literary Mama and Beautiful Black Magazine. She is also essayist in “Chicken Soup for the African American Woman’s Soul and the Whispering Angel Book “Living Lessons.” Presently, she is a contributing writer for Esteem Yourself E-magazine.
Ronnie Tyler says
this is very positive advice…and reminds us to stay respectful… if you love your husband…you will do everything in your power to try to make it work.
I know there are some ‘in-laws’ that will cut-up no matter what you do..and those instances you should look to your spouse for support in the matter.
Lisa K. says
Here’s one more: refer to your mother-in-law as mother-in-LOVE. This will serve as a reminder to you that love brought her into your life. That ‘reminder’ will cause you to act in love when interacting with her.
Anonymous says
I love this piece of advice.
Hilari says
I tried 1-9, they didn’t work, so I let my mom handle my mother in law… It’s been wonderful every since. Once she realized that I was not alone in the world and that my mom would whoop her ass for making my life hell. She fell back. #unconventionalmethods
Eugenia says
I did that too worked really well. Also my husband and I are a united front, she has boundaries with him and me. I don’t confront her, that’s his job. If she gets out of line, he sets down the boundary. She was shocked at first because I think she thought he’d side with her but no I’m the wife. I’m the number one woman I his life, she’s learning that, I’m not going to compete for what is mine.
Leslie says
Let’s remember, the mother in law is the son’s mom meaning if she really loved her son she would do everything in her power to preserve the relationship wither her daughter in law. It’s a 2 way street.
I have always been nice, up beat, have done all the things on this list, but that doesn’t stop all mother in laws. My MIL finds something wrong with everything I do. And she doesn’t just offer advice, she will straight out just tell me “I know more then you”, “You will see”, and “That isn’t the way to do it”…whats funny is she will say these things before I even disagree with her! In fact, I have never disagreed with her, she just jumps to conclusions. She has also called criticized me to my husband…calling me manipulative, cry baby, throwing a fit. The reasons, I don’t even know. I have only told her I wasn’t going to do it her way once. I mean I am allowed to say no one time in 5 years, right?
Now she isn’t coming to our engagement party for reasons about her ex. She is just all over the place. She finds problem with everyone.
My best advice is. Stay pleasant and upbeat, but keep your MIL at an arm’s length away. Do not tell her personal things, she will use those against you. When you do see her with family gatherings do all these things on the list, be nice, but I would not expect her to be your friend. And the perfect gift…get her something she can use with her friends, husband, etc. I got my MIL a gift card to a wine tour with one of her friends. Keeps her busy and distracted from finding all the things wrong with me!
football says
That brings us to quite possibly the most intriguing match-up to that point
of the season when Oregon comes to Rice-Eccles. ‘The teams, the broadcast
contract and our showcase games this year are going to generate
tremendous excitement about this League and the great
seasons to come. So besides the fact that both sports are being played with 11 players on the field, the similarity ends here.