A couple years ago I bought myself a 2009 car. It was the first car I ever owned and I wanted it to be more reliable than the 1997 Buick I was currently driving. My favorite feature? XM Radio.
But now I’m about to cancel my XM subscription because when I’m bopping my head to my favorite song of the moment, I miss out on the exchanges like this in the backseat:
Ayanna: I want to be a nurse when I grow up, just like Nana.
Thomas: I want to be a doctor when I grow up. I have to go to doctor college.
Ayanna: You can’t go to doctor college until you are much, much taller. Like taller than Mommy.
I’ve found one way to slow down and enjoy the moment is to simply listen to my kids’ chatter in the car. I’m always on the go, it seems. I’m running to pick up my kids, going to the grocery store, sprinting every week to class. I’m always two days behind on schoolwork, or housework, or work-work. And I now realize I don’t give my kids my full attention as often as I should. Yes, as a benefit of working from home, I see my kids much more. I haven’t done the math, but it’s about 70% percent more now. And most of that time is still spent doing other things. When did my life get so busy that my kids have to tug on my shirt to get me to turn around to pay attention to them? Granted, when I do focus on them, my focus is totally on them. My phone stays on the counter, the laptop is closed and I’m not multitasking with any other chore.
But sometimes I wish the laundry did itself and money just appeared in my bank account at will. I love those two kids and my actions need to show them that they are always going to be my priority. So a few changes:
Get back to the one-on-one kid dates. We used to go on two kid dates a month, where my husband and I would each take one kid out and spend a few hours with them. Then we’d switch. It was fun because my kids really turn into different (calmer) versions of themselves when they’re not playing off the energy of their sibling.
Work on a family schedule. I need to know when I’m supposed to be working and when I need to be having family time. Because currently, I’m trying to do both simultaneously and it’s not working. At all.
Find some room in the budget (sigh) to sign the kids up for an activity. Whether it’s swimming lessons or dance classes, it’s something they can do that will boost their self-confidence and it’ll be something that I have to be fully present for.
On a scale of 1-10 (10 being highest), how busy do you feel most days? Am I the only one feeling the time crunch?
Psychstudent71 says
Between girl scouts, Track, Tutoring @ 745am. Hair, Oh yea the dog.. There is NEVER enough time in the day. On a good day I might be a 5. on a very busy day (yesterday) I was a 10..
But No matter what, I take Sunday off. no if’s and’s or butts
Jan Lewis says
My little one (6 year old boy) asked me very earnestly for some one-on-one time. He said between Daddy and his brother he never gets me alone. I was amused at how serious he was, but also saddened that he misses me even when I’m there. I’m planning a date for us for this weekend. : )
Tara Pringle Jefferson says
Dates with the kids are so important and so much fun. I love getting one-on-one time with my kids. 🙂
Truly Caribbean Woman says
You are doing all of that with a hubby. I’m raising four kids alone with a full-time job that means I am on call 24/7 at times. It can be a challenge and yes my biggest obstacle is me and not being present. They do have to tell me “Mom listen.” I use those as my cues to put down the phone or shut down the laptop. God’s grace makes it all come together somehow and then I even find moments for me.
Tara Pringle Jefferson says
Yeah, being fully present is a challenge – I commend you for all that you do!
Anonymous says
As I’ve tried to fit time for me and my interests into our already busy schedule, everything has started to suffer. I know that everything is about balance and scheduling. I refuse to cut myself out of the equation again; however, I have to be better disciplined about how I use my time.
I want my kids to look back on their childhood and know that our family was my priority.
Daphne Mrsfixit Watson says
Life is crazy busy, but you need to prioritize. I see so many young, black families that seem to be trying to keep up with the Joneses.
I just don’t feel the need to fit into the mold of what mainstream America deems the “right” way to raise kids. It is sad to see parenting become so competitive.
I am from a different generation, however, I had the same goals to be a career woman, a soccer mom, Polly Homemaker, and a Victoria’s Secret model for my husband. I have surprised myself by being those things, but with some concessions. I have to work outside of the home, but I chose my lower-status position so I could have less stress and not bring my work home with me, but I made a concerted effort to work in a field that I am passionate about. We have a household rule that if it can’t happen before 6:30pm, it just ain’t happening. I know my kids have missed out on some things, but they know that they’ll have a homemade dinner most nights (and at a reasonable hour), and that we’ll have time to relax, unwind, and talk. I have hobbies and other interests that I share with my family. My kids are in music, sports, take science and math classes for fun, and know, without a shadow of a doubt that mom will always be where and when she promises.
My children are 17, 13, 11, and 9. I’m not a single parent, but with my husband’s schedule of a small business owner, a full-time job, and graduate school, his hours are cooky. The kids have learned to look at his calendar and review his schedule. Another rule we have is to post events on the family dry erase calendar. If it isn’t posted there, then the answer will most likely be a no.
I think we succeeded by teaching our children the value of time, early on. My husband and I often rant about wasting time. Time is something you can’t ever get back – which is why it is budgeted so carefully in my life.
Tracie says
I can really feel this article! Another suggestion: put DOWN the smartphone when your kids are talking to you! I’m in smartphone rehab…
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