by Michaela Stephens
In part one of this series, we looked at some of the factors that led to the infidelity on the husband’s side. Today, we’ll see how his wife responded and what they did to come together as a couple again.
My Side
My reasons for cheating mainly stemmed from vindictive feelings regarding my husband’s infidelity, from neglect of emotion, and bit of buyer’s remorse regarding getting married so young. I was still very hurt about my husband’s infidelity, and wanted to have an open dialogue about it, as well as other prominent issues that existed. I felt like my husband no longer felt my feelings were valid.
Instead of a once warm environment, where my husband and I were able to share our feelings with one another in a safe place, I was now met with hostility, verbal abuse, and a complete refusal to work through the problems in the marriage. This made me become increasingly lonely, isolated, and resentful. So I in turn went and found solace in another man.
Learning From It
Once my husband and I were able to establish where our issues stemmed from, now we had to figure out how to avoid becoming repeat offenders. What followed were a series of raw and honest conversations regarding the issues in our marriage and our expectations going forward. Our biggest flaw was assuming that because we had known each other for so long, that somehow both of us would have ESP and understand what we wanted without having a discussion about it beforehand. On top of re-establishing our marriage, we also learned some very valuable life lessons in the process: My husband learned that repressing hurt feelings for an extended period of time only leads to an eventual blow up. I learned that solving my problems by partying was not going to fill my void of emptiness.
Moving Forward
Now I am going to speak to my sisters directly on this one, as I have seen this play out in many of my loved one’s marriages, to their detriment. This can also be applied to issues that are not infidelity related. Ladies, if you are willing to forgive your partner, move on. MOVE. ON. Do not continuously throw his infidelity/transgression in his face, especially if he has been making a concerted effort to prove his loyalty to you. I will completely admit that I did this. I was still very hurt, stuck on the betrayal, and I would constantly get on my husband about it, even years later, despite his huge efforts to show that it would never happen again. My husband was also at wits end with my relapses, my constant snooping and interrogation. I realized that I was projecting my own trust issues on my husband, and that it was time for some much needed individual counseling. That was a complete blessing.
Now for my brothers: if you cheated, you have to be open to hearing her side. Make her feel like it’s a safe place. You need to understand that she is hurt and more than likely bitter. Be open to her feelings. Becoming defensive will not work. Allow her the time to heal. Be patient. She will heal when SHE is ready, not when YOU are ready. Just because you are over it, does not mean she will be.
Clearly, this process from hurt to happy again is not an easy one, but it can be done! I will say it took many months of counseling, and constant communication, between my husband and me. However, there is light at the end of very dark tunnel. We are extremely happy. My husband and I got through both of our infidelities with a stronger bond; awareness of each other’s needs, and renewed appreciation for our passion to keeping our marriage together. I strongly believe that you can weather this storm!
Michaela Stephens is the owner of Metropolitan Swim Instruction, LLC, an aquatics based company that specializes in spreading awareness of the benefits of swim instruction and water safety. She is happily married to her husband of six years, Craven Stephens, who is a soldier in the US Military. Michaela’s two biggest passions are finding ways to help guide other couples through the not so black and white areas of marriage, and also empower the modern woman on how to achieve individual balance, and happiness while juggling all of the many roles in her life.
Sonya_Iam says
That was a nice ending. I’m glad you guys made it through those unfaithful times, many did or would not even try to reconciled but you did it. Congratulations.
Larie says
You stated it well; MOVE ON. It is hard, and seems harder for women but it can be done and the reward is so great. I must admit I was more concerned what other people would think if I stayed but it’s not about them…each situation, no matter how similar, is different and results vary. I also combated the, “Well if I stay he will think it’s ok and he may do it again,” but then I’m always suspicious and on guard which is not in accordance with moving forward. I too threw it back in my hubby’s face during arguments…even the ones that had nothing to do with the adultery. I remained in the past and couldn’t enjoy the present with my husband because I didn’t let go. I just had to realize that keeping him from cheating again wasn’t my battle.
Anonymous says
my husband was always cheating on me and even spends nights out. sometimes he even leave for the entire week end, pretending that he has work, but i know he just go meet women, my life was lame until, i asked robinsonbuckler@yahoo. com to cast a spell for me. so that my husband can be a good man and after his spell, my husband changed automatically, he now spends much more time with me and the kids and we’re a family again,
city of boca Raton cpat says
Basically, you can only do 5 invoices, 5 proposals, and 5 expenses in the free version. You need to
seek Tax Filing Help if you would like stay
away from Tax Levy complications like a Wage Levy or Bank Levy.
Validation during – Data Import to ensure base data is correct resulting in generation of.
Feel free to visit my weblog … city of boca Raton cpat
hcg weight loss gilbert az says
One more thing on which you need to pay attention to is fats and this
is something that you should not be consumed in the
large amount. Let these mistakes be your motivation for enhancing your body further.
The treatment comes in both drops and injections, which are
given by a doctor.
My blog: hcg weight loss gilbert az