Back when me and my husband were dating, I fell in love with him because of how mature he was. At 18, it was hard to find guys who could deal with major life crises calmly, who didn’t really stress about life or where it was headed, who could get through almost anything without breaking a sweat.
To this day, it is something I absolutely love about him. But it is also one of my biggest pet peeves.
You see, being married to a guy who doesn’t stress out about anything sounds awesome in theory. You always have this calm in the storm; you can rely on them to balance you out when you’re stressed. But in reality, it doesn’t always work that way. Sometimes when I want to know he is just as concerned about an issue as I am, it’s hard to see it past his laid-back demeanor and constant calm.
And there we have the “I thought you liked that about me!” scenario. This is when we fall in love with our spouses for all these amazing qualities they possess and then somewhere down the road, those qualities don’t excite us the way that they used to.
Loved your husband because he’s a neat freak? Now it annoys you because he’s forever hounding you about keeping the house clean, when you don’t think it’s the most important thing to focus on when you have toddlers tearing up the house every moment they’re awake.
Loved your wife because she’s athletic and keeps herself in good shape? Now you’re wondering why you’re spending another Saturday morning alone while she does her marathon training.
Loved your husband because he’s great with numbers and keeps an eagle eye on your family’s finances? Now you’re upset because he’s got the two of you on a strict budget and you just want to buy some shoes without incurring his wrath.
Loved your wife because she was easygoing and fun to be with? Now when you want to have a conversation about politics, she brushes you off and talks about “Real Housewives of Atlanta” instead.
GOOD STUFF
I would say the dynamics of my marriage have changed too. My husband is 8 years older than me so when I met him at 15 you couldn’t tell me nothing and the fact that he was so mature was a major turn on. But now when I want to listen to lil wayne and jeezy and he cannot relate i’m like ummm….this is kind of awkward. Great examples and it is a real challenge to love everything about them regardless of how they change over the years. Just because it seems like they are calm when you are freaking out doesn’t mean that don’t care about the situation at hand. It just means they have more self-control over their emotions.
Great article! I can definitely relate to this. There are things about my spouse that attracted me to him in the beginning, like how random and spontaneous he is, and now, I try to settle him down…to no avail of course. It has only led to arguments. LOL. Now, I am going to take a different approach to this. Thanks.
Great topic! Great article.
“Allowing him to be himself, regardless of where I am on my journey, is the best thing I can do for my marriage.”
Now that right there … that’s good!