This is not easy for me to admit. At 26, I am still as much of a Daddy’s girl as I was when I was 5 years old. For a long time, I was in denial about this, but now I realize I must come to terms with it and examine this for the sake of my marriage.
“Hi, I’m Tara and I’m a Daddy’s girl.”
Hi, Tara.
I’m not the only one, of course. My two sisters have it bad as well. My middle sister wrote a post on her blog recently about her “daddy issues”:
It came to me yesterday that my dad does a lot of things many other dads don’t do. But because I’ve never known anything else, what my dad does or doesn’t do and how he acts in every situation is the standard by which I judge, well, men.
If a guy doesn’t open the door for me, I’m looking at him crazy. If a guy can’t cook, and worse, refuses to learn, he’s hopeless. If he has no ambition, no goals, I’m looking elsewhere.
My definition of a gentleman is absolute. My dad has set the bar pretty high.
And I obviously agree with her. My dad is pretty awesome.
But I realized early on in my marriage that I was subtly comparing my husband to my father, which isn’t fair. My husband is his own man and no matter how high of a pedestal I have my father on, my husband’s efforts should be judged on his own merits. Period.
If your wife sounds anything like me, here’s some suggestions for improving your marriage and not having her feel like she has to choose between you and her father:
- If you can, arrange to spend some one-on-one time with your father-in-law. You’ll see how he treats people – from the waitress at the diner, to the cashier at Walgreens, to the young man in line behind him at the grocery store. You need to understand your father-in-law to understand what kind of upbringing your wife had, and what her perceptions of men are. I know in my mind, men were supposed to be the strong and dependable type – no excuses.
- Ask your wife directly if she’s a Daddy’s girl. Many, like myself, might not even be aware of it. If she gets defensive, simply tell her some version of the following: “I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. You should feel fortunate to have a man in your life who treats you the way your father does.” It might get her to evaluate her expectations of you””whether she expects you to do things because of what her father did or didn’t do.
- Finally (and this is a hard one to write) gently make your own path in the relationship. Avoid the pressure to be “just like Dad” and just be you.
Ychauntee says
I have more daddy issues than Jet magazine. I wish I had this problem of having an awesome dad.
Rawls Bill says
The amazing parts is the wife who is a daddy’s girl and daddy was just there finacially and not spirtiually. He is just a Bank for her.
Tweatie2 says
I’m not a daddy’s girl b/c my father wasn’t around. However, my father in law and step father in law have been amazing and I’d definitely consider myself a father in law’s girl. My husband needs some tips too b/c his dad has my daughter and I rotten.
Buddy_Roe says
I think there are more women have daddy-issues than are daddy’s girls. I do agree that the man should try learn more about the standard he is being measured against. I don’t feel that the woman will be likely to change and only view her significant other as “a man”, and not “one-of-all”, unless she is willing to live in her current relationship, and not bring prior ideas of what a man is into the relationship. The same goes for the man too.
Shee says
i am 100% a daddy’s girl!! No apologies however. and yes, my dad has set a VERY high bar which makes objectivity very hard in my marriage!
shawnte says
i’m a daddy’s girl. and it used to be something i was very proud of. but now i’m grown and married, and what’s been hard for me, is that i’ve always been able to depend on my father. so now when something comes up (most recently-my windshield wipers needed to be changed. and cars things are man-work in my book) i think of my dad. but i’ve learned to stop myself and remember to ask my husband to help me with things like that.
so yeah, i’ve got daddy’s girl issues, but i’m working on them 🙂
Adawna says
I am a Daddy’s girl down to my bone marrow. Lol. I like you have an amazing father. He would take me out on dates just to teach me how I was to be treated when I did begin dating. My husband had learned to accept that I am a daddy’s girl.
Although I am daddy’s girl I am also my husband’s wife and sometimes we daddy’s girls have a hard time making that distinction.
Desiree says
I am a daddy’s girl to the CORE, with no apologies. However, in my marriage, it is not an issue, because my husband has many of the qualities my father has, and he has enough of his own qualities to still be the man I love dearly. I think it is nice to have a man who reminds me of my daddy in a lot of ways, yet maintains his own identity. My husband and father are both extremely considerate, loving men who get up and go to work everyday to provide for their families. They are both God fearing, and love their wives. They are both the heads of their respective households, and although my mother and I are both spoiled (which we both freely admit) we are not brats. If my father or husband says ‘no’, they mean it, and we respect it. It’s just that it’s not said that often. 🙂
I would not trade being a daddy’s girl for anything. I wish more women were daddy’s girls. Because then, more women would expect better from a man than to put up with anything. More women would have more self esteem. More women would be self reliant. More women would understand their true worth. Just my opinion.
Ayannaocbrown says
Hey…. Where is the article about…… How to Handle Your Husband… Mama’s Boy
K. Esters says
I would consider myself a Daddy’s girl. I grew up with a great sense of security and stability and I’m not just speaking financially. I knew that my Dad always had my back and was there for me. He was an awesome father to me. He was not a perfect man by any means, but he made me feel like I was perfect.
Evan says
My wife seems to expect me to be like her dad, tto, and that is a bad thing in our marriage. He was mean and abusive and she still has at least some distrust of me for that. We have been married 33 years; it’s time to get over it, already!
toko mainan online says
Really great tips for all of us, thanks 🙂