To me a good compromise starts when someone starts feeling a certain way about an issue. Let’s say a husband wants to quit his job because he hates it. The first thing the husband should start doing is sharing his feelings about his job with his wife. A lot of spouses get caught off guard with these big life changing decisions because they may have no idea you don’t even like your job.
And this is off topic but like my Pastor says, “I’ll throw this one in for free”. In my opinion, you don’t quit a job because you hate it. I’m sure at least 90% of Americans hate their job, but they just don’t get up and quit! Our parents probably hated their jobs too, but they just didn’t quit! You don’t quit a job without having something else lined up because you don’t like it. You could quit a job you didn’t like when you were in high school and college, not when you have a wife, a mortgage and tuition! Just my two cents for free.
Aiight, now back to the program. So, for the husband who wants to quit his job, the 1st thing he should be thinking about is how is this gonna affect my family. Do I have a plan B? Should I look for another job before I just quit this one?
If you take a minute and take a step back, and think about the issue and pray about the issues, you may be able to shut down your ideas of quitting your job or at least coming up with a solution before taking it to your wife.
More couples have to learn to be supportive of each other. We have to remember to provide our spouses a loving environment when they want to come talk to us. No one wants to discuss something with a spouse who’s just gonna shut you down from the door without even listening to what you have to say. And most people wanna at least hear a plan. Not just I wanna quit my job, but maybe I wanna quit my job and this is how I’m gonna make up the money from the job I’m quitting, and this is the plan for me to get another job and this is the plan of what I’m gonna do in the meantime.
And for the wife listening, you should be thinking about how you can support your husband. Maybe you can do some overtime at your job to start saving some extra money. So if you BOTH decide it’s OK that he quits his job, you’ll have some extra money in the savings to hold ya’ll down while he’s not working or helping him with his resume and helping him look for a new job.
Remember, once you get married, you become part of a team. And there’s nothing better than when as a husband and wife come up with a plan they both agree with.
The key to a good compromise is the same as the key for a good marriage: each person putting the other person first.
You know how married couples say they hate seeing a brand new couple in love? That new couple in love isn’t even thinking about themselves. When you first fall in love, all you care about is being with that person and what you can do to make that person smile. But after a good 2-5 years of marriage, the LAST thing on your mind is helping that person and putting their needs first. So, we gotta reverse it like John Witherspoon said in Boomerang. And the next time there’s an issue in the air, or your spouse comes at you with a decision, or you’re thinking about making a decision on your own, let’s try to think about our spouse’s needs above our own and try to learn how to perfect this whole compromising thing.
BMWK – what are keys to compromising with your spouse?
I think if you keep your finances separate, it’s fine to buy whatever you want. I don’t merge my money with my husband because after a few years of marriage he showed signs of being irresponsible with his finances, therefore if I buy a new car he will not know because it’s my money. Also, I just don’t think its a good practice to put your money with your spouse, because you don’t know what their spending your hard earned money on.
Thank you for writing this powerful and authentic article. I’ve been married almost 4 years and from my experience, sometimes the compromise comes eventually…maybe not before the decision is made. Over time, when we see each other doing the footwork, to reach the goal (whatever it is) we come around. For instance, I was ready for a baby and at first my husband wasn’t. I accepted that but I started doing the footwork- taking prenatal vitamins, going to the doc for a prepregnancy consultation, reading books on fertility and parenthood, etc. These actions showed him that this was something important to me and that I was willing to put 100% into it. Eventually, he came around. Then, on his side, he wanted to relocate for a big promotion and I was all for the promotion but not relocation but he did the footwork and eventually I came around. Now our baby is due next month and we have relocated. We both see the joy in both major decisions now but at first, we were both afraid of taking the risk at first. Faith is the key ingredient. Peace to u.
Sound article and not one-sided like majority of these marriage articles on this site. I like how you emphasized “BOTH” need to agree. Not the man make the final decision and the wife submits to whatever HE wants because he’s the man. You have to have balance.