On this week’s episode of It’s Not You, It’s Men, Tyrese & Rev. Run discuss: Why men cheat? Prior to the start of the show, 89% of the studio audience polled admitted to being cheated on or having cheated in a relationship. This kicked off the dialogue of why men cheat. What follows are arguments and counterarguments on the topic:

Men are wired that way

Tyrese stated that he believes that men are wired to cheat. There is just something within a man that causes him to cheat. Show guest, Professor Eric Anderson agreed with this theory. Professor Anderson believes that monogamy is dead and relationships would last longer if people would accept a different relationship model such as open relationship and swinging.

Counter: Rev. Run countered this argument with the fact that all men can’t be wired to cheat because he has not cheated on his wife. He agrees that men might have a high testosterone level etc. but they are able to control their actions. He shared an example of how he consciously goes out of his way to avoid tempting scenarios. Rev. Run believes that if Tyrese theory were true, God would have wired women to be accepting of this reality.

Cheating has different definitions to different people

Actress Tisha Campbell Martin joined the show and shared that a couple needs to define what they constitute as cheating and what they can or can’t handle. Is their mate receiving text message, email, phone call,from a person of the opposite sex considered cheating?

Tyrese shared that he can take physical infidelity over an emotional or mental one. Tyrese feels that if his partner is thinking of another man while she is physically with him, the relationship is over.

Counter: They all agreed that the mental, physical and spiritual aspect of a relationship needs to be met. When one of these areas is broken, the relationship is in trouble.

Side Chicks make it too easy for men to cheat

Everyone agreed that men cheat. However, a man wouldn’t be able to cheat if a woman was not willing to be a side chick. Side chicks have gained much popularity due to our society as a whole. However, the quintessential side chick, Oliva Pope, Kerry Washington’s character on Scandal, has many women forging reality with fiction.

Counter: At no point is it okay to be a side chick. Neither is it okay or a rise in status for a side chick to become the main chick. As Rev. Run stated, if a side chick becomes the main chick then the side chick slot is available. <span
Either way it’s not a good look and it won’t end well.

Women cheat but for different reasons

Yes men cheat, but so do women. However the consensus was that most women cheat out of revenge. No counter necessary.

These days it’s easier to cheat

Actor Lamorne Morris joined the conversation and stated that he believes that people are wired to cheat. Morris believes that social media has made it easy and accessible for people to connect with whomever they would like to connect with and do what they desire to do.

So, what is the result of cheating?

Your partner feels betrayed,  doesn’t feel that she is good enough or questions why she was unable to satisfy you. Tyrese shared that cheating cause’s pain and unleashes feelings which are connected to the dysfunction of the individual actions i.e. low self-esteem, lack of worth, questions if she is physically appealing, lack of trust, etc.

What can you do about it?

Each week as I recap this show, I am surprised at the demise of relationships in mainstream society. Some things should go without saying but at times we all need a friendly reminder:

• When it comes to matters of the heart, always put yourself first.
• You have to love and respect yourself before you can love anyone else.
• To your own self be true.
• Never settle.
• Require what you desire.

If you desire a monogamous relationship, don’t settle. Trust that you will meet someone who desires the same. At the end of the day Rev. Run said it best:

If you have to cheat, then remain single. Don’t hurt someone by bringing them into your mess.

BMWK Do you believe monogamy is dead?