So, Valentine’s Day is over. But does that mean you just hang up the romance until the next special occasion? Remember the time (in my Michael Jackson voice) when you two first got married and you simply couldn’t keep your hands off each other…and there was no special occasion necessary? There was this insatiable magnetism when you two were together. But then you allowed life to “happen”, meaning you (or both of you) became busy with work, the kids, life demands and other commitments. Next thing you know the only sounds coming from your bedroom are steady streams of snores.
Usually you can often tell when a marriage is breaking down by examining the intimacy level of the two people involved. When the bedroom intimacy is busted, bad and broken…other things begin to break down too, for example communication. And vice versa, when life is “happening” and other things are going wrong in the relationship, intimacy takes a hit. It can become an ugly spiral.
But you can reignite the magic of your early days because I did. Below are the tips I used to bring the spice back into my marriage.
1. Have a Heart To Heart Talk
Communication is the foundation of any relationship. If you can talk and listen to each other, then you have solved more than 80 percent of your problems. Discuss solutions on how to reduce your workload at the office (i.e. getting an assistant, rejecting some commissions). Yes, having a strong relationship is better than making all the money in the world. Take it from me/us, the focus on money and careers can lead to an affair or worse, separation. Your problem might not even be the interference of your careers but your responsibilities at home. Sometimes the wife may feel like she does all the household chores, leaving her tired and definitely not in the mood for any extracurricular activities when hubby gets home. There could be several other reasons: There could be a need for an apology presented and then accepted for a past wrong; There could be the issue of the kids; You might just need a vacation away from home. Whatever the reason(s), find a way to be honest and open with each other.
2. Buy Thoughtful Gifts of Love
Again, stop thinking it has to be a birthday, Valentine’s Day or an anniversary to make gestures of love. Take time to buy each other thoughtful gifts, no matter how small. It could be a tie, flowers, shoes, books, chocolate, cologne—you name it. Appreciating your spouse by showering them with gifts has a way of rekindling feelings, predominantly those of tenderness, love and passion, especially if this is their love language. Don’t know your spouse’s love language? Find out here.
3. Date Your Mate
Plan a romantic date, and plan dates routinely. You can even set up a candlelit dinner at home. It really doesn’t take much; it’s the thought and effort that usually matters most.
4. Touch Often
Numerous studies have shown that being touched can rouse feelings of love and affection and even cure depression. So hold hands, hug, kiss and rub—because who knows where that might lead.
5. Seduce Each Other
As the wife, go lingerie shopping, shave (gasp!), look, act and smell sexy. As the husband, clean up too. Purchase new briefs or boxers (seriously, they’re a bit overdue), put on some cologne and whisper erotic things in her ears. Speaking of erotic, one of the best “tools” on the market to assist in getting and staying in the mood is the Erotic Cookie Jar. We use it in our bedroom! This wonderful jar is full of tasty treats (in more way than one); their flavorful, color-coded fortune cookies include a delightful romantic challenge inside each one. We have had a blast with our nookie, opps, I mean cookie jar.
6. Share a Bath
Run a scented, luxurious bath with candles as the only source of light. Play soft music but just soft enough for your seductive whispers to take the lead. It will be both relaxing after a long day and romantic. Have a glass of your spouse’s preferred wine. You can even take turns washing one another—but, fellas, just be clear if she wants to get her hair wet.
7. Set the Mood in Your Bedroom
Surprise your mate and put on fresh, soft and sexy bed linens. You can even sprinkle rose petals on top. This can make the ambiance extra special and romantic. Last but certainly not least, be sure to whisper those “sweet nothings” of how, when and where you like being touched, your preferred positions and anything else you desire on the buffet. Heck, perhaps you desire to be the buffet, so do not hold back on each other. Bon appétit or again, in the words of Michael Jackson, “Don’t stop ’til you get enough.”
BMWK, what can we add to this list? What are some more things that couples can do to bring that sexy back in to their bedrooms?