I had no idea that professing ones love for their spouse on social networks would be frowned upon by others. In fact, sometimes it can totally piss people off. I have recently been made aware that some people do not appreciate this. I am told that married people who express their love this way are bragging, pretending to be perfect and/or must be fronting. This reaction shocked me and made me curious so I began to randomly ask people for their opinion on this subject. Some of the responses that I got blew me away. Here are some:
“Why don’t married people ever post pics of themselves when they are arguing?” (seriously?)
“I don’t mind it sometimes, but I don’t want to see it EVERY day.”
“Married people want everyone to think they are happy all the time.”
Wow. I really can’t figure out why someone loving another person out loud would bother anyone. Expressed love of any kind should not annoy… it should encourage and inspire. I get excited when I see people talking about engagements, births, new jobs and other accomplishments on my timeline. So as a person who quite often speaks of my husband in many Facebook posts, twitter posts, and anywhere else I might want, it really irritates me that people feel this way. If posting only happy thoughts and experiences makes people feel bad, then I wonder if posting only the bad things that go on would in turn make people happy? Is it jealousy? Is it envy? Regret maybe? I really dont know. If someone is posting something you don’t like why don’t you just unfriend/unfollow? Why subject yourself to the happy torture every day?
I have been negatively approached on Facebook in an Instant Message about this very subject myself. A perceived friend told me to “stop acting perfect” and “girl I know “ya’ll aint that happy…” For a split second I considered toning it down a bit, but then I said to myself, No Way! (which is the clean version of what I really said) Why should I turn it down? I did that person a favor and unfriended them. Social networking is the new way that we communicate, speech is free and I don’t see why I should censor my expressions of happiness there or anywhere else for that matter.
Hey, guess what? I LOVE MY HUSBAND! Saying that does not mean that my marriage is perfect. It just means that I love him. I am gonna say that here, on Facebook, Twitter and everywhere I can, until someone takes my keyboard away. I would shout it from the rooftops if I wasn’t afraid of heights. I love him and I don’t care who knows it. If it bothers you that someone loves their spouse, then maybe you should ask yourself what the real source of your issue is. While you figure that out, I am gonna continue to love my man.
BMWK – Do people give you a hard time about being happily married?
Better yet, how about the stares we get when we take our family out. It’s almost like people do not know that a black couple can love each other’s company and actually smile at each other! Keep up the good work!
Thank you very much for taking the time to leave a comment!
OMG! Thank you for this! I feel the same way!!!!!!!!!
Yes Maam! #TeamILoveMyHusband!
If it bothers you that someone loves their spouse, then maybe you should ask yourself what the real source of your issue is. While you figure that out, I am gonna continue to love my man. <=== This.
I celebrate love! Mine and that of others. Great post, Stacey!
You took the words directly out of my mouth!
Thanks for reading Amber! Thats right! Celebrate Love!
It’s because they don’t have anyone to love them like you do. You must look at the current state of black women and a large amount of black men not stepping up to marriage and parenthood. These women have made some very bad mistakes in picking mates and having all these out of wedlock children with different fathers,and their completely miserable. I remember when me and my then fiancé showed up at a friends house get together and the looks I was getting from those black women and their mother’s could have cut with a knife. They where staring at us like we where aliens. We both were educated, no out of wedlock children and we were always told we were a stunning couple together. So you must understand when people don’t have what you have, they don’t know how to control their jealousy, you were also right to delete them from you friend list, because after attending that function I never dealt with that friend or her mother, Lol
Wow! Now this article caught my attention!!! I feel the same way when I post events, quotes etc…on our marriage ministry page. I do believe that people have a hint of envy and jealousy. Some want to be married and some are unhappily married. They just don’t understand that when they release what’s in their heart and abide in the word of God, he will give them their desires according to his plans only. Until then I will still be posting great things on the No Couple Left Behind Facebook Page. Keep up the GREAT work.
Peace and Blessings!
Pamela Taylor
Pamela, you are spot on! People who would be upset by the actions talked about in this article are selfish and have not learned to love self or anyone else for that matter.
Ill be sure to check our your page!
thats a very good point anonymous! and I dont blame you!
I appreciate this article and your enthusiasm for LOVE. People who have a problem with you publicly proclaiming your love for your husband are SELFISH. This is just so ironic to me because society will quickly accpet you loving someone else’s husband but gets upset because you love YOUR HUSBAND … yes I am shaking my head! Keep loving your man … and you will get to that 53 years like Mrs. Patricia Williams.
ps: I’m 51 and single … no hate in this heart for your Hon!
Thank you so much Shay!
Wow…it’s pretty sad that we live in a world where people reject anything positive but promote negativity. And seriously post pics of couples arguing?! That comment was not made by a sane person. I’m happily married too and won’t hesitate to let anyone know! I think happy marriages should be celebrated a lot more since we are bombarded with such negative images in the media of marriage! Great article! #TeamHappyMarriage
So true … thanks for your insightful comments. If anything, articles like this make me HOPEFUL that one day it can and will be me telling the world through social media that I love my husband.
Amen Love, Work. Repeat!
As a single black female, i love seeing black marriages flourish cause I know that someday, that’s what i want too and I love seeing married couples on my facebook express their love, its cute. But i can also understand why people don’t want to see it on their wall: first of all some ppl do overshare – i really don’t neeed to know ALL your business. second of all, some persons see your facebook as you telling a story. In every story they’re good events/situations/days and they’re bad ones, and if the only posts about your marriage everyday is what a fairytale it is, the story of itself loses its authenticity.I’m not saying to splash all your dirt on fb, that’s an overshare as well! But just see their point-of-view. These people may not be hating at all, or bitter – they might just see posting every single day as a overshare n a bit annoying. everything in moderation ya know.
I totally feel you lea and I definitely wouldnt post every day. and not even on Most days. Just every now and then, yet it still bothered some folks.
I am glad you are not allowing the insecurities of some to stop you from inspiring others. There are lots of people who want to believe in Marriage and Love, and they need to see examples of it working. Yes, we argue, yes, we get bored, yes, we struggle to pay unexpected bills and get worn out with life’s daily tasks, but we are also HAPPY. And if we are happy and we know it, it’s okay to clap our hands and show it on Social media!
Absolutely! Very well put Brooke!!
I understand both sides of this issue. I’ve been married 25 years. Some of those years were growing years, years before we both put God as the center of our marriage. They weren’t so great. That’s when I was like “please ain’t nobody that happy”. However now our marriage is great. We follow God’s design for marriage and we both try to out serve one another. I’ve seen the looks of envy from others that’s when I make a point to tell them our testimony. I encourage them to get counseling. If you allow people to think marriage is all roses you set them up for failure. Not only that you allow them to think they should bail out on their marriage instead of what you’re doing… Choosing to love your mate unconditionally.
people are going to think what they want to think. Thanks so much for taking the time to leave a comment.
I agree with this post but another point of view could be that for those people who are more reserved they feel like they are now being compared. So many people use social media as a way to communicate things and prove things even, that those who don’t use it that way or not as often are viewed as not as happy and typically treated as such in the real world. Some people are more private as well. So there could be many reasons why it bothers them. I personally feel that social media has too large of a place in our lives and allows too many people into our business. But that’s my opinion. It removes the persons need to physically be in your life in order to get to know you. But that’s a different topic related to social media.
I have been happily married for almost 20 years. I think it may annoy people to hear about your spouse so much in the same way it can be annoying (and fake) when someone always posts about their “wonderful and perfect” children or “perfect” house. Posting something about your wonderful spouse once in a while is beautiful but all the time may come across as dishonest.
Stacy I loved your reply lol One of the main reasons people don’t appreciate happy married couples is because of all the negative portrayal of couples. How many times do you see video posts of couples fighting on social media and people “like” them. However when a couple celebrates their love, they barely get any likes. There are a lot of “haters” in the world today because people don’t want to put the work in that it takes to be married. There are tough times in all married couples lives but it how you overcome them together is what it takes to make it. My husband and I have 2 children with chronic health conditions. Sure we could both walked away after we found out that we didn’t have “perfect children” or blamed each other but never once did we do that. Our love for each other and our children make our bond that much stronger. My husband and I have been a couple for 20 yrs and will celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary in July. I will shout it to the world and don’t care if no one “likes” it because my husband is the only “like” I care about.
I simply LOVE this article. My husband and I got “targeted” a few times this past holiday season for expressing how blessed we felt and it was quite sad/amusing. I agree, the delete and unfriend button is a marvelous invention and should be “at the ready” in needed moments. No one said marriage is perfect and I will be the first to attest that it is sometimes (most times) hard and brutal WORK. But the benefits of pouring out to make it work is well worth it!
I will celebrate every hard earned year that my spouse and I achieve together in this thing called marriage and I will continue to REFUSE and REJECT this persistent stereotype that all black marriages and families are jacked up and irretrievably broken and scattered. NOT true, as you can see by the lovely people posting here. Stay in the fight, guys! Carry on!
Great article Stacey! I believe that there is nothing wrong with expressing your love for your mate on any platform. So many times we use social media as a way to complain and vent and that has caused us to normalize dysfunction. People begin to subconsciously think that there is no way couples can be “that happy” mainly because they have been taught to believe that happiness is the exception and not the rule. I just wrote a blog about the exact issue and it stemmed from a conversation I had to have with my wife because for a moment I thought something was wrong because we were so happy together. Telling the world you love your mate is a positive thing because it subconscioulsy helps change the narrative of marriage and relationships and it may must give someone who hope who thought that happiness doesnt really exist. Great article and keep posting!
I Love It! I will continue to “Rejoice with those who Rejoice!”
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Nice article. I can however understand the other point of view. As a single women, I’m inspired by and love to see others happy and in love, but I think there’s still something to be said about considering others before yourself. A lot of the times your friends are very happy for you despite their own struggles to get or stay married. I would even bet your true friends are far from jealous of your love. Given this fact doesn’t mean they need to be included in the love “you” and “your spouse” have for each other. They also may not need the constant reminder of what they don’t have yet. Not saying you shouldn’t uplift your spouse, but just hoping married people will consider their single friends or unhappily married friends before sharing. You may actually find that what you wanted to share publicly may mean more to your spouse when shared privately for the two of you to enjoy. And a nice phone call or word of encouragement to your struggling friend will mean a lot more to them than another social media post about your wonderful marriage that they’re likely already aware of (after all, if you’re married to each other, we expect that you love each other whether you shout it from the mountain tops or not). Basically, sharing the love with your spouse and your friends seems like the best option. Many Blessings!
Stacey, I have to say, I have been married to my BEST FRIEND for over 40 years, now. I always tell others what a wonderful, amazing woman I am married to.! She is STILL the love of my life and I am never embarrassed or ashamed to tell anyone so. She has been and still is an amazing, beautiful, vibrant woman who stands strong for me, as I did for her. So just ignore the “naysayers” out there. Obviously, they gave both concept if true love. I will love her and SHOUT IT TO THE ROOFTOPS for the rest of our days together. The problem with these people is that they are incapable of feeling or expressing true love for their spouse. So just feel sorry for and pray for them. They must be leading some awfully dull, boring, drab and unhappy lives. Perhaps a marriage seminar would steer them in the right direction? I just know that I am truly blessed to have my best friend and love of my life as my best friend I am so happy for you that you have done so too. Continue being blessed and throw the negative folks a prayer and block them as contacts. You have the God given right to love and care for anyone you want to in appropriate manner. And from your words, you do! Congratulations! There are way too many negative and unhappy folks out there. What a shame! They really don’t k own what they are missing!