By Tamara Floyd
This very question came up in a conversation between me and a friend. It’s a completely legitimate question, right?
In these economic times, the argument can go both ways.
Married couples have (or should have) the privilege of guilt-free unprotected sex. Sex is for enjoyment but its main biological purpose is procreation. Some couples seem to have all their ducks in a row and will welcome a baby at anytime with open arms. Others have or have had trouble conceiving; a healthy pregnancy and infant would be a great joy.
But many couples are practicing family planning techniques for different reasons. Maybe they’re focused on their careers or education. Maybe the couple has made the mutual decision that a family of two is plenty. Regardless of the reason, a unplanned pregnancy could add strain to any happy marriage. For these couples they may be so terrified of having a bundle of joy. A night of carelessness can lead to a month of worry until the cycle comes.
It’s easy to say parenthood shouldn’t be feared by committed individuals. But the truth is a child introduces a new dynamic that many relationships nonetheless many marriage don’t survive. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those people who thinks a child will ruin a good relationship. There is an amount of growing that any relationship most endure before introducing such dynamics. I understand that in this day and time there are many blended families; children come along with the package. There is still a huge amount of thought and planning that goes into adding a newborn to the equation.
Weigh in on this topic. Is there a such thing as a pregnancy scare for married couples?
Tamara L. Floyd is a branding, media relations and product ambassador. She’s been married to her husband, Ben, for five years and they now are embarking on their newest lifetime commitment of parenthood in the fall. Floyd is also the creator of www.naturalhairrules.com, a site dedicated to encouraging others to be who they are naturally by nurturing themselves from the inside out.
Ginagate says
of course there is such thing! Just because you’re married doesn’t mean that kids are any less stressful or expensive or life-changing. Couples have goals and life paths they prefer to take just like anyone else — and there are two people to consider, not just one! I think married women get even more locked down after children than single women do, too: no one expects the married woman to hang on to her hopes and dreams after motherhood — everyone knows the single woman will. Marriage is already a bit of an island; add parenthood to that, and it pretty much becomes one.
Erica Bunker says
Of course! My tubes are tied! If for a split second I even THOUGHT I was pregnant? It wouldn’t be good. I’m 40 and my husband is 49. We don’t want anymore kids! BUT if it happened, we would obviously come around to the idea and deal. If God gave us another child with everything we’ve done to prevent it, it’s meant to be.
Martha A. Snowden says
IDK about pregnancy scares but I was def scared when we learned we were expecting twins , one more we could afford but two we’re still trying to figure this out but wee do feel blessed and we are trusting God to make a way for us as we struggle to figure it out
Yana says
OMG Yes indeed! I am God’s most fertile creation and I get pregnant when my husband sneezes to hard, so yeah, I have had many a scare. After our 5th child I got my tubes tied and as much as I love our kids, tying my tubes was one of the most wise decisions I have ever made. Even with my tubes tied there is a little fear in me that they will come undone.
Tamara says
Yes, hubby and I practice birth control, we just arent ready yet.
sam0403 says
Plan
a healthy pregnancy with regular yoga practice and proper
diet intake
before,during and after pregnancy.Yoga provides relieve to all sorts of pain
and helps in smoother delivery.
https://www.divinewellness.com/yoga/applications-of-yoga/yoga-for-women/yoga-for-pregnant-women/
FirstladyShonda says
Yes, I do believe so. My scare turned to reality. lol My daughter was unplanned. I was told I couldn’t have kids without help. So, we assumed that we were finished after our two boys. But, God had other plans. We have a baby girl and she is a true blessing! She is the only grand daughter out of 11 grandson.
FirstladyShonda says
Yes, I do believe so. My scare turned to reality. lol My daughter was unplanned. I was told I couldn’t have kids without help. So, we assumed that we were finished after our two boys. But, God had other plans. We have a baby girl and she is a true blessing! She is the only grand daughter out of 11 grandson.
AshLeigh D'Vere McNeil says
Yes, there definitely is. My husband and I have a 10 month old baby and as much as we want more kids, we are surely not ready to have one anytime soon. We’ve had some finanical setbacks from the end of last year that we are slowly coming back from, and we just want to enjoy being first time parents. Our son is growing and moving so fast that all of our friends and family believe that he’s making room for his little brother or sister, and that’s causing us a lot of stress. We couldn’t handle another child this year.
Childfree Diva says
Yes! Not every person wants to have a child. Better to be prepared than not, so I got sterilized years ago. No scares, no fuss, no muss. If, in the unlikely event I did get pregnant, I would exercise my right to terminate. I am childfree and staying that way.
Ellenoj says
Yes, it is more than possible to have a pregnancy scare as a married couple. I experience side effects when using birth control so my husband and I practice other methods in an effort NOT to get pregnant. On our wedding night we did not practice any methods and I was so shaken up about it that I ended up having an anxiety attack…crying and all. We did not conceive that day and it was the biggest relief in the world. My husband is currently unemployed with neck and back nerve damage. We are barely making it on my one income and my credit is plummeting. For me to purposely throw caution to the wind and take the chance of getting pregnant in the midst of all of this (in the 1st year of marriage, too) is just not smart…in my opinion. And as far as I am concerned, no one has the right to speak on my reproductive organs except for me. Many quote the bible and harp on multiplying and being fruitful…I think there are enough Christian and non Christians, married and unmarried alike that are increasing the population just fine.
Anoa says
It’s a silly question that assumes that just because one couple has a legal document confirming their union, their situation is somehow different from that of a couple united without the document. The only difference is the document. And the document essentially makes it so that, should the union be dissolved, any property (including children) that was gained after the document was signed will be arbitrated by a judge. Yet, incidentally, even if there is no document to confirm the union, if the “unmarried” couple have children together, a judge will STILL decide what happens with the children and their care after the couple’s union is dissolved.
There are numerous possible reasons for why a pregnancy might constitute a “scare”, so again, the question assumes that none of those reasons could apply if the couple facing parenthood has legalized their marriage. Practically all of the reasons could apply to a couple who is legally married.
There are many “unmarried” couples who would be mutually happier about and more welcoming of a new baby than would many legally married spouses.