I’m not a thin girl. Frankly, I never have been. I think I struggled with my weight since I was in elementary school. Too much food and not enough movement landed me in a state that made life tough at times. I managed, though. I never struggled with forming friendships or being liked. Despite some self-esteem issues, I worked with what I had and allowed my personality to shine. Doing so served me well.

As a senior in college, I was compelled to lose weight after losing an uncle to a stroke, and my maternal grandmother to heart disease just months later. Being thinner started to feel a lot more important because it was no longer about my vanity—it was about my life.

I successfully lost 40 pounds and kept most of it off throughout my twenties. Then, I had kids. Oh, how I love my kids, but they have done a number on my body. I can’t blame them, though—especially since I know what needs to be done to lose weight—but doing what I did at 21 is a lot harder with two kids, a spouse, a job, and a growing business. The struggle is real.

What’s Up With the Extra Weight?

For all of us, life happens. We get married, have kids, start businesses, get promoted, and next thing you know the pounds start invading our lives. Whether you have a history of being overweight, like me, or this extra weight is a new struggle in your life, trying to get in shape in the midst of our day-to-day lives can be hard.

Yet, although it is hard, it’s not impossible to get into better shape. I know firsthand since I have done it before. However, despite the fact that we know it’s possible—and in our best interest—so many of us fail to do anything about the extra pounds. Would we be compelled to do more if we realized that those extra pounds aren’t just slowing us down, but they are damaging our marriages?

Is the Weight Damaging Your Marriage?

Now before you come for me, let me explain. When I say that the weight may be damaging your marriage, I am mostly referring to what the extra weight is doing to you physically, emotionally, and mentally. Sure, being overweight can have an impact on intimacy and how attracted your partner is to you, but it is so much deeper than that. Weight is often (not always) related to how healthy an individual is.

When you are overweight your health can begin to suffer, whether you are able to admit it or not. Now, there are those who are overweight and in excellent health. If you fall into that category, keep doing you. I have to put that out there, because I have had times in my life where I have fallen into the overweight category, but I am still able to run a 5k with a lot more ease than my thinner friends. I know that your heart can be in great shape even if you aren’t thin.

But when the extra weight is slowing your down, leaving you feeling tired, stressed out, and overwhelmed, you have to acknowledge that it’s having a significant impact on your partnership. When you feel unhealthy and overweight, it can lead to self-esteem issues, stress, anxiety, body image issues, and even depression. And unfortunately, people don’t always realize that the negative emotions and experiences they are having are connected to their weight. It’s usually easier to blame your job, your crazy family, or your spouse because then the source of the problem is not you. It’s always hard to point the finger at yourself.

How to Make Things Right

In order to bring your best self to every area of your life, you have to get your health right. You have to be at a weight that makes you comfortable (not necessarily what some universal chart says), and you have to feel like you are at your best. Eating well, exercising, sleeping, and maintaining a healthy weight can make you feel sharper, sexier, stronger, more confident, more focused, and much happier.

I am not implying that you should lose weight for your spouse, because beginning a journey like that for anyone other than yourself is rarely successful. I am, however, saying that the way you feel about the skin you are in, will impact your marriage in more ways than you can imagine. So the next time you are too tired to have sex, or would rather eat a brownie sundae alone than talk to your spouse about your day, ask yourself what’s really going on.

When we are unable to get things right with who we are and what we want from life, the things and people that matter to us most, often suffer with us. That’s no way to live. As someone who has recently gotten back on track with making my health a priority, I can tell you that putting my health first, allows me to see things in my life with a lot more clarity, and that has made a difference in my professional life, my friendships, my parenting, and my marriage.

BMWK, do you think your weight is causing problems in your marriage?