“Don’t worry that your children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you”. ~ Robert Fulghum
Truer words have never been spoken. Just last week, my husband called home. We were running around, so I put him on speakerphone. As I was rushing our kindergartener out the door to catch the bus, she briefly spoke to him and ended the conversation with her usual: “I LOVE YOU DADDY!!!” I abruptly yelled toward the phone and said: “Let me get her out to the bus…call ya back!” My daughter immediately looked up at me and said in a worried voice, “Wait! Mom, don’t YOU love him??? You didn’t SAY it!!” I was speechless. I said: “Honey I was in hurry. Of course I love him!”
I shared my daughter’s concern with my husband in brief conversation, but I really wanted to delve a little bit deeper. You see, for most of my life, I grew up in a single parent household with the closest example of what a healthy couple looked like being my adorable grandparents – who by the way have been married for 60 years! My husband and I discussed a while back that kids need to see us being affectionate towards one another and for us not to sneak kisses or use PDA discreetly, especially while we are in the comfort of our home.
What sparked the conversation back then was, as a newlywed, my husband smacked me on my butt in front of my then 5-year-old. I FREAKED OUT!! He told me to calm down and that it was just his way of being affectionate. Then it hit me (no pun intended), I remembered my grandfather doing the same thing to my grandma, so of course this was harmless. He said his dad did the same thing to his mom. And if I remember correctly, on Good Times, I remember that James Evans use to do the same thing to Florida a time or two! LOL
All in all, its equally important for our kids not only to feel like their parents are in a healthy relationship, but also to “see” it. When they are older, began to “talk” about quality traits to look for in a mate. Now that my husband and I have been reminded that we are on closed circuit TV and monitored carefully by our offspring, we can now “Keep Calm and Love Affectionately”. It was definitely a little eye-opener for us to behave and act accordingly. It’s also refreshing to know that my daughter, at age 5, knows that “I love you’s” should be exchanged frequently and to put us in check even if we didn’t know we needed it!
BMWK, are you on and your mate on your P’s and Q’s in front of your kids?
Nicole D. Taylor says
My husband and I show much (censored) affection in front of our 4 year old daughter. Whenever we hold hands, kiss or hug I can always catch her staring at us with this look as though she’s feeling the love that we’re sharing. When I look at her mid-hug or kiss, she’ll blush and smile. It’s so cute! She saw a couple arguing in a parking lot and said “Mommy they need to get married like you and daddy”. I knew then that we were setting a good example.
Elle Jene says
Simply Love This, Ree! I love your blog…just got to check it out today. Fabulous! We need to talk soon. 🙂
Brandi says
This is great, Sheree! Kids learn what love is from their parents. Then they take what they learn out in the world. We get so caught up in life and the everyday that we forget that we are teachers of love. Thank you for sharing!
MELISASource says
I agree wholeheartedly. It is very important to be a reflection of what and how we want our children to be, no matter how difficult it may be sometimes. This is a great reminder!
Kjirsten Randall says
Love your article! Heartfelt. ~ Kj
Dasugo says
My daughters used to cry and try to separate us when I was faux molesting my wife in the living room. It spurred me to keep doing it until she got used to it.
I want my kids to not even blink when I kiss my wife and squeeze her butt in the kitchen.