There are too many married faces, smiling in public and crying behind closed doors. This may be you or a couple you know. For sure, it was me and my husband early-on in our marriage. We had just as many bad days as we did good days.
Can you relate to any of these scenarios?
You’re leaving for work sad because of what is going on in your marriage…..but, you’re happy you are getting out of that house and away from your spouse for a few hours.
You’re fighting all the way to church, then smiling as soon as the car rolls onto the church parking lot.
You’re at a restaurant and you smile every time the waiter comes to serve your table and begin arguing as soon as he walks away.
These scenarios describe the smile in public and cry behind closed doors syndrome. And if you can relate to any of those scenarios, then you may be experiencing this syndrome in your marriage.
The Smile in Public and Cry Behind Closed Doors Syndrome
Many of us grew up in an era where you were taught whatever goes on in your house stays in your house. No matter what happens, you put on a smile and suck it up when you walk outside that door. In other words, you may cry behind closed doors, but when you exit that door you put on a smile because it’s nobody’s business what’s going on inside your home.
No matter what happens, you put on a smile and suck it up when you walk outside that door.
Well, I agree with that to an extent. It’s true, everybody and their brother doesn’t need to know your business. However, if you run around with a smile as if everything is okay when your heart is really breaking, nothing gets solved. And, nothing changes if you don’t get help.
Depending on the severity, this type of thinking could put your marriage in danger. While everyone doesn’t need to know your business, help from the proper sources is definitely needed. The key is to find the help that begins the healing process.
The Importance of the ‘Right’ Support System
Total isolation, even in a marriage, is unhealthy. While a marriage is between a husband and wife, a healthy supportive community is beneficial. The goal is to be healthy physically, emotionally, spiritually, and financially as individuals and as a team. And having the right support system in place can help get you there.
Here are 11 examples of people who can be a healthy part of your relationship.
- Other healthy couples
- Supportive extended family
- Church marriage ministry
- Marriage counselor or coach
- Marriage books and literature
- Marriage teachings in person or video recording
- Marriage seminars and workshops
- Anger management sessions
- Personal counseling
- Personal development coach
- A confidant that is willing to uplift your marriage
I get it. It’s hard to trust, forgive, or even think about growing closer to your spouse when your heart is broken. Am I right? When your heart is wounded, your energies are focused on protecting yourself from pain. However, hearts can be healed and mended.
I’m not telling you anything that I haven’t experienced. Around year 5, my husband and I lived the smilie in public and cry behind closed doors syndrome. But we looked for and found support…we strengthened our marriage and we have been growing stronger ever since. And we hope the same for you.
BMWK – Who do you have in your support system?