A mother can’t teach her son how to be a man, but she can certainly provide him with the tools and skills needed to be a mature, responsible, loving adult. I have had many conversations on a personal and professional level in which women have discussed the challenges of being in a committed relationship with a “man child.” These type of men simply were never taught to be or decided not to be accountable, thoughtful, selfless contributing partners in their relationship.
Mothers, rather than taking the position that no woman will ever be good enough for our sons, we must instead raise them with the knowledge that they will one day become someone’s spouse and father. Mothers, we can’t continue to coddle and shield our sons from the reality and responsibility of life, keeping them eternally frozen as “mama’s little man.” We must create environments that foster self-reliance, growth, and mutual respect. I have listed three traits that mothers must teach their sons to ensure that they are raising a responsible male adults.
Responsibility and Self-Sufficiency
It is imperative that we give our sons responsibilities that teach them to be self-sufficient. I personally don’t believe in gender specific chores. Once we leave the nest we are solely responsible for maintaining ourselves and our living spaces irrespective of gender. My sons began sorting their laundry at 5, washing it at 7, and putting it away at 9. They understand that in order to have clean clothes to wear, they must first wash their dirty clothes. Mothers don’t allow your sons to receive a laundry pass just because they are male.
Additionally, they should be taught how to properly wash dishes, clean bathrooms, make beds, change light bulbs, replace tissue, empty trash, dust, vacuum, sweep, and mop. All of these tasks should be a part of their weekly chore list. Mother’s please take time to show your sons how to cook. Invite them into the kitchen as your Sous Chef. Once you feel that they are old enough to follow kitchen safety rules with very limited supervision, give them the responsibility of preparing a meal for the family once a week.
Teach your sons how to budget and manage money. Take them to a bank or credit union to open both a checking and savings account. Teach them how to write a check and balance a checkbook. Have them deposit their allowance, birthday, and other earned monies into their accounts. Teach them how to save and budget their money for the extras they want. Make sure they understand how to read transactions that appear on their monthly bank statements.
Allow them to watch you pay the monthly household bills. Divide your grocery list into sections (dairy, meat, fruits and vegetable, snacks, beverages, and household items) and allow them to fill in each section. Once they compile the list, write down the budget amount for each section. After you complete the shopping for a section have them note if their choices met or exceeded the allocated budgeted amount. If it exceeds the amount, allow time for open discussion to determine which items should be put back and why.
This exercise teaches them to manage money and differentiate between wants and needs. Mothers ensure that your son knows how to mow the lawn, change filters in the furnace, pump gas, change a flat tire, jump start a car battery, and check the fluid levels in a car. When a young man leaves home, he should be able to take care of his basic needs and at the bare minimum be fully capable of performing each tasks listed above.
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As a mother of 3, with only one being a young man, I TOTALLY AGREE! This thought process has to start early in a males life. Thanks, LE. You are on point…????.
Thank you for taking the time to read the article Marshawn. I am glad you found value in it. I am a mother of (2) both boys, so I totally agree with you that you have to start early. The sooner you are able to make these habits routine for your sons the sooner it becomes a habit/way of life for them. These behaviors simply become there norm and they do them without pause. Thanks again Marshawn, please fell free to share the article with those you feel may benefit from it.
Great article. However, the assumption is that the parents have the skills themselves to share. Some do, but clearly, too many do not, or do not care enough to take the time to prepare their offspring in these areas. Again – great article.
Hello Superwife…love the name by the way!!! Honey you are absolutely correct about some parents not having the skills to teach these basic fundamentals. You can’t get give what you don’t have. But I believe at some point it is our responsibility to seek to understand and to learn new things. Even if these things were not passed on to parents from there rearing, I want to believe that as they have grown they have seen or heard even if only on TV some of the basic things that I have mentioned in this article. Not knowing is no longer a good excuse. We have a responsibility as parents to raise our children to be better/more exposed people than we are. Your point is exactly why I was very specific about what and how to do things I mentioned in this article. Thanks for reading. Please Please help educate the masses by sharing this article in all of your Social Media communities. Thanks for the support Superwife…love the name.
At what age should I start preparing my son to become the young Man he’s distantent to be?My son is one and will be two Feb 15-15.
Good day and thank you for reading my article. It’s never to early to begin instilling values of honesty, respect, accountability, and integrity. If you son is able communicate clearly (for his age) with you, then you can begin teaching him the difference between right and wrong. As he matures you give his age appropriate responsibilities, clear boundaries, and defined consequences. Additionally create opportunities for him to express his independence so that he can learn to think and problem solve on his own. Most importantly surround him with AWESOME male role models (dad, uncles, brothers, friends, coaches, etc.) anyone that can model for him how to be and become a man. We as mom can give him instructions, but we may not know how to act it out as a man should/would in a way that is comprehensible to him. Start now, so that the things you and others teach him, become his normal way of thinking, acting, and being. Please share the article with those that you think might benefit.
Interesting article. Even though you acknowledge that a women can’t teach a boy how to be a man but it sounds like you are trying to teach him how to be a man. It is good for a little boy to learn how to cook, clean, wash clothes, and do things like that around the house but needs other skills that a woman can’t teach. Also, it is a great thing to teach them how to balance a check book, pay bills, and be accountable for their actions. Yes, little boys should be taught how not to verbally or physically abuse a woman. More women need to teach their daughters how not to verbally and physically abuse a man. When you get to the respect part of this article is when you start to teach him how to be a man when they are women characteristics. The way a man treats or talks to a woman and the way a woman wants the man to treat or talk to a woman are different. Men and women talk differently and it will be impossible for her to teach a little boy that. Opening up a woman’s car door, pulling out her chair, ordering her food at a restaurant, or walking on the right side of her has nothing to do with respecting a woman but more of what a woman wants a man to do for her. The walking on the right side of the sidewalk is a protective trait in a man and not a respect issue. God made men to be strong and not to be emotional like women and is difficult to teach him how to be different. At the end of the day, only a man can teach a little boy how to treat or talk to a woman the way the little boy will understand and able to learn from.
Good evening Andrew. Thank you for taking the time to read my article. I agree with you that a woman can not teach a boy to be a man. I don’t think woman can teach a boy to be a man anymore than a man can teach a girl how to be a woman. I do however, think that each sex can provide insight on things that they may value from the opposite sex in a relationship. Walking on the outside is a respectful act that women apprciate, just pulling out a chair and opening a door. My goal in this article was to speak to women to ensure that they were not giving their sons a pass on basic life skills that could hinder them. I appreciate your feedback.
Thanks,
LaDawn
Thank you so much for writing this! I’ve been teaching my son basic life skills since he was a toddler. I do not want my son to end up being one of those dudes who doesn’t know how (or care to) take care of himself, who’s constantly having to call me because it’s always “something” with him, and who can’t take the lead in his household when he gets married. Your article pointed out areas where I am on track and others where I’m coming up short; and there is always more to think about and more to learn.
I believe that as a parent, the best thing you can do is raise your child to be a responsible, caring and loving adult. I have so much more work to do, thanks for lighting a fire under my butt. 😉