Accountability
Mothers are the ultimate protectors and defenders of our children, especially our sons. We must give our sons the opportunity to think independently and allow them room to make both good and bad decisions. This is a critical part of their development as it allows them to learn from their mistakes. We must support them when they make good choices which helps to builds their confidence as well as reinforce their good decision making ability. Conversely, when they make bad decisions, we must allow them to deal with the consequences of their choices.
For instance, if they decide to cheat on an exam or repeatedly blow off work to hang out with friends, they must be left to manage the fall out of their ill-fated choices. Instead of coming to their rescue by defending, justifying, or covering up their wrongs, we must give them time to understand the brevity of their actions and feel the effects of how their choices negatively impact their lives.
We must also encourage them to acknowledge their bad choices by speaking truthfully about them. This prevents them from having to live with the constant guilt, shame, and fear of their lie being exposed. It also builds character and integrity and instills honesty and credibility as real values. Once a man is able to acknowledge errors in his decision making, he can then begin to take responsibility for and change his thought process and actions. It also gives him an opportunity to start considering how his choices impact others. Mothers that continue to cover for their sons and bail them out of trouble time after time ultimately do them a disservice. It becomes increasingly difficult for these men to make choices that are not self-serving and to accept responsibility for their irresponsible childlike behavior. Mothers we must continue to provide love and support to our sons while allowing them to learn from their own life’s experiences. We can always serve as a sounding board and offer advice and support to them when asked.
Respect
Mothers teach your sons how to respect and treat women. It is critical that you understand that you are his first model of how a woman is to behave and be treated. If you allow yourself to be disrespected and treated poorly by others, especially men, they will internalize that it is okay for women to be disrespected and treated poorly, as this is what you have modeled for them. Teach him that accepting or giving abuse in any form is never an option and is completely unacceptable. Teach your son that it is okay for men to experience and show emotions.
Create a safe environment in which he can, laugh, cry or be sad without guilt or shame. Allow him to be able to talk through his feelings if he so chooses. Don’t ever emasculate him for being human, having feelings, and displaying his emotions. This will teach him to be a more tolerant and accepting of others and to be more vulnerable in their relationships. Mothers teach your sons to open doors for you and your daughters. Teach him to pull out your chair for you when you sit. Teach him to walk on the outside if you all are walking on a sidewalk or in a parking lot.
Teach him how to properly address and converse with a woman. Take him to dine-in restaurants that require you to order from a menu. Teach him how to order from the menu. Take the time to explain the breakdown of the menu (appetizers, main course, desserts). Teach him to ask you what you wish to order and once the server arrives have him place the order for both of you. Teach him the appropriate silverware to use for each course. Teach him how to pay for the check and provide gratuity for the service. Mothers instill in your sons that they should carry themselves with dignity and grace at all times. Teach them that respect is not given, it is earned.
There is no job more exhilarating, taxing, scary, rewarding or fulfilling than that of being a mother. Motherhood requires selflessness, unconditional love, and unwavering commitment. Mothers, it is easy to get completely immersed in raising our children. But we must learn how to let go and recognize when our roles evolves from sole decision maker and chief protector to wise advisor and guide. Mothers of sons have to be especially cognizant of this critical transition, to ensure that we allow them room to blossom into responsible male adults. We must ultimately relinquish the need to control, be a part of every area of their life, and be their number one woman. We must instead take pride in knowing that we are raising someone’s potential spouse and father. Mothers it is imperative that we raise our sons to be a gift and a blessing to his family, because we know that every women deserves and desires to be respected, loved, protected, and cared for.
BMWK: Are you raising a man or a man child?
As a mother of 3, with only one being a young man, I TOTALLY AGREE! This thought process has to start early in a males life. Thanks, LE. You are on point…????.
Thank you for taking the time to read the article Marshawn. I am glad you found value in it. I am a mother of (2) both boys, so I totally agree with you that you have to start early. The sooner you are able to make these habits routine for your sons the sooner it becomes a habit/way of life for them. These behaviors simply become there norm and they do them without pause. Thanks again Marshawn, please fell free to share the article with those you feel may benefit from it.
Great article. However, the assumption is that the parents have the skills themselves to share. Some do, but clearly, too many do not, or do not care enough to take the time to prepare their offspring in these areas. Again – great article.
Hello Superwife…love the name by the way!!! Honey you are absolutely correct about some parents not having the skills to teach these basic fundamentals. You can’t get give what you don’t have. But I believe at some point it is our responsibility to seek to understand and to learn new things. Even if these things were not passed on to parents from there rearing, I want to believe that as they have grown they have seen or heard even if only on TV some of the basic things that I have mentioned in this article. Not knowing is no longer a good excuse. We have a responsibility as parents to raise our children to be better/more exposed people than we are. Your point is exactly why I was very specific about what and how to do things I mentioned in this article. Thanks for reading. Please Please help educate the masses by sharing this article in all of your Social Media communities. Thanks for the support Superwife…love the name.
At what age should I start preparing my son to become the young Man he’s distantent to be?My son is one and will be two Feb 15-15.
Good day and thank you for reading my article. It’s never to early to begin instilling values of honesty, respect, accountability, and integrity. If you son is able communicate clearly (for his age) with you, then you can begin teaching him the difference between right and wrong. As he matures you give his age appropriate responsibilities, clear boundaries, and defined consequences. Additionally create opportunities for him to express his independence so that he can learn to think and problem solve on his own. Most importantly surround him with AWESOME male role models (dad, uncles, brothers, friends, coaches, etc.) anyone that can model for him how to be and become a man. We as mom can give him instructions, but we may not know how to act it out as a man should/would in a way that is comprehensible to him. Start now, so that the things you and others teach him, become his normal way of thinking, acting, and being. Please share the article with those that you think might benefit.
Interesting article. Even though you acknowledge that a women can’t teach a boy how to be a man but it sounds like you are trying to teach him how to be a man. It is good for a little boy to learn how to cook, clean, wash clothes, and do things like that around the house but needs other skills that a woman can’t teach. Also, it is a great thing to teach them how to balance a check book, pay bills, and be accountable for their actions. Yes, little boys should be taught how not to verbally or physically abuse a woman. More women need to teach their daughters how not to verbally and physically abuse a man. When you get to the respect part of this article is when you start to teach him how to be a man when they are women characteristics. The way a man treats or talks to a woman and the way a woman wants the man to treat or talk to a woman are different. Men and women talk differently and it will be impossible for her to teach a little boy that. Opening up a woman’s car door, pulling out her chair, ordering her food at a restaurant, or walking on the right side of her has nothing to do with respecting a woman but more of what a woman wants a man to do for her. The walking on the right side of the sidewalk is a protective trait in a man and not a respect issue. God made men to be strong and not to be emotional like women and is difficult to teach him how to be different. At the end of the day, only a man can teach a little boy how to treat or talk to a woman the way the little boy will understand and able to learn from.
Good evening Andrew. Thank you for taking the time to read my article. I agree with you that a woman can not teach a boy to be a man. I don’t think woman can teach a boy to be a man anymore than a man can teach a girl how to be a woman. I do however, think that each sex can provide insight on things that they may value from the opposite sex in a relationship. Walking on the outside is a respectful act that women apprciate, just pulling out a chair and opening a door. My goal in this article was to speak to women to ensure that they were not giving their sons a pass on basic life skills that could hinder them. I appreciate your feedback.
Thanks,
LaDawn
Thank you so much for writing this! I’ve been teaching my son basic life skills since he was a toddler. I do not want my son to end up being one of those dudes who doesn’t know how (or care to) take care of himself, who’s constantly having to call me because it’s always “something” with him, and who can’t take the lead in his household when he gets married. Your article pointed out areas where I am on track and others where I’m coming up short; and there is always more to think about and more to learn.
I believe that as a parent, the best thing you can do is raise your child to be a responsible, caring and loving adult. I have so much more work to do, thanks for lighting a fire under my butt. 😉