I was driving my daughter home from dance class and listening to her talk about her newest obsession: princesses.
“I need a tiara like Cinderella,” she said. “I like Cinderella. She’s very pretty and her dress is awesome and she….”
She goes on and on and on about Cinderella and I’m wondering how she knows so much about her when I’m pretty sure she’s never seen the movie. Out of curiosity, I ask a simple question:
“Sweetie, who do you like better: Cinderella or Princess Tiana?”
“Cinderella,” she says, happily.
What? Now I’m confused. In our house, Princess Tiana rules and has ruled since before the movie came out. We saw it twice in theaters, own it on Blu-Ray, and have watched it a couple times a month since its release. Her room looks like her parents actually worked on the movie and got all that stuff for free. She adores her Tiana dolls and plays with them regularly, so how did Cinderella just come in and steal the show?
Was this just some innocent ramblings of a child or something more? I had flashes of the “black doll/white doll” experiments in my head and wondered if that was in fact what was going on.
“Why do you like Cinderella?” I ask.
“Because she’s pretty.”
“Is Princess Tiana pretty?”
“Yeah, she’s pretty, too.”
“So wouldn’t you want to be like Princess Tiana?”
“No, I want to be Cinderella.”
Hmm…ok.I personally liked The Princess and the Frog because it was about a woman who had a dream of opening a restaurant. She worked hard and wished on a couple stars, and finally got that restaurant, along with the man of her dreams. Cinderella, on the other hand, was mistreated by everyone she knew and was pursued by a dude who wouldn’t have even known what she looked like if she didn’t leave that glass slipper behind. But of course, my daughter is 4 and isn’t thinking of the nuances of the movie. She just enjoys a good story. Plus, Tiana spent most of the movie as a frog. Nothing too princess-y about that.
Again, I had to circle back. When did she even see Cinderella? I asked her.
Turns out, it was during an episode of the PBS Kids show, Super Why. In that episode, Cinderella wanted to go to the ball but didn’t have a ball gown or a fancy carriage, so her friends told her to just be herself and go without one. Wow. Maybe I ought to give my daughter more credit. She’s already soaking up more than I thought she would have.
Even still, I used that conversation as a jumping off point to reinforce what I already tell my daughter: That beauty is in the eye of the beholder and there is no law saying that anyone is automatically more beautiful than anyone else. Brown skin is beautiful; thick, curly hair is beautiful; deep brown eyes are beautiful.
I also make it a point to tell her that being smart, considerate and passionate about your dreams will get you very far in life. (Something that Princess Tiana had in abundance. I’m just sayin’.)
I’ve never discouraged her from playing “princess” or watching princess movies, but I also pay attention to the underlying themes within. I try to expose her to a variety of media images that I’ve carefully selected. Women who are strong, intelligent, kind, compassionate””those are the images I want my daughter to be inundated with. I guess I sit somewhere on the fence when it comes to the “princess culture.”
Do you think fantasizing about being a princess is harmful or just plain innocent fun?
I think its just innocent fun. Although my daughter prefers Princess Tiana, I wouldnt mind if Cinderella was more her thing. Every little girl dreams of being a princess. Its normal. I think it keeps them optimistic… those happily ever after stories provide a sense of security for children. Everything ends up being great in the end… even though that isnt how life works, I think its good that children see the silver lining in the cloud. 🙂 My daughter is 5 and she is fairytale obsessed! lol Right now she does watch a few of the REAL people shows like iCarly and ANT Farm on Nick (i think its Nick). BUT anytime Princess and the Frog comes on, she is 100% glued to the tv.
@Arnetta – I’ve been meaning to check out ANT Farm – I heard good things about it and I like that the main character is so gifted! 🙂
Well….I think the idea of a “princess” of outdated and not even cultural relevant for kids of color but that;s another rant. I think your daughter explained herself well. She liked the personality and actions of Cinderella based on the episode. That’s a good and interesting point
I think that it’s great that you discussed this with your daughter and that you listened to her. I love that you pointed out the beauty of Tiana and her strenghts.
@Christina – I loved Tiana because she reminded me of myself and my mom and my grandmother. I want my daughter to be very media-literate and not try to measure herself against what she sees in books or magazines or on TV. I think we’re off to a good start. 🙂
@Nikki – I didn’t even think my daughter was really paying attention but I sat down and watched the episode with her and I was impressed by the lesson they were trying to get across. It helped reinforce what I always tell my daughter: Be yourself at all times. 🙂
I did not like Princess and the Frog and found several things to be concerned about when I viewed it, I always find something when I m looking at children’s shows as an adult and not as a child. I liek Cinderella Im not concerned about her undue influences on my daughter , or any of th eother princesses for that matter. I try to ground my daughter in reality and allow her to enjoy her bouts of fantasy and whatnot as just that little periods of time she is allowed to indulge her fancy inwhatever tickles it
I think that what is going on are subliminal messages and we has blacks should make a conscious effort to point out the beauty in black people men and women. We are beautiful just the way we are naps and all!
Well I personally look at it Biblically and through Salvation we become Sons and Daughters of God – Princes and Princess’ – and in that sense children have a strong sense of our true royal identity whether the adults in their lives are there or not. Little boys usually don’t call it being a Prince, but when you look at some of the pieces – like destroying the bad guys, defending their turf, expanding their turf and even rescuing/helping others – you can see the heartbeat of a Prince. It is something to encourage, into Salvation and that we are all really Prince and Princess’, etc.