By: Carlos Johnson
For the past two decades as a father, therapist, and educator I have had the pleasure and opportunity to work with thousands of great families in communities, churches and schools.
And, from my experience of helping boys in every type of family, all over this country, here’s what I know to be true:
Boys with awesome purpose and potential from GREAT families are BREAKING parents hearts because they are misusing, or worse, not using their potential at all! The problem is their little boy is so cute and smart that families did NOT see TROUBLE coming until it was too late.
In my effort to help parents detect possible oncoming issues, I developed a quick, easy, but powerful tool for identifying trouble or for waking boys up so they can get back on track. The tool is simply called: 7 powerful questions you MUST ask your son.
These seven powerful questions quickly help you identify if your son possesses or lacks the mindset, motivation, or support needed to lead himself around, through, and over life’s obstacles and live a life of purpose!
They are also the beginning of a powerful dialogue between you and your son.
It may sound simple, but, as Sherlock Holmes would say, “the right answers begin with the right questions.”
So what are those important questions and what is your desired goal in asking each one of them?
“Son, what type of man do you want to be?”
Goal: This question sets the table and gives your son a target to hit. As he searches for the type of man he will become, do you want to leave him on this search by himself?
Do you want him to find his answers through mass media, uninformed peers, and sometimes misguided adults? If the answer is no, this question comfortably inserts you into his search.
“Son, do you know any men who inspire you to be the type of man you want to be?”
Goal: It’s time to identify if he has access to those types of men. An important principle to remember here is “if he can’t see it, it will be hard to be it”.
Ask this question after your son has clarified what type of man he wants to be.
“Son, where are you going on life’s trip?”
Goal: This question helps you hear if he is like a shot gun – all over the place, or is he a laser beam locked in on his purpose in life?
“Son, what motivates you to act and achieve?”
Goal: Your son has a motivation or a “why” for doing everything even though he often says “I don’t know.” Helping your son find his primary motivation to achieve is like helping him find his POWER source for behavior .
This is the “why did you do that?” question.
“Son, what detailed actions will you take to accomplish your goals?”
Goal: This question is not about right or wrong actions but all about helping your son realize he needs a detailed plan of ACTION for his achievements. A plan for achieving his personal success!
“Son, what could possibly stop you from achieving you GOAL?”
Goal: this question is to simply bring awareness to him that his personal success is often not a straight line, and there may be many hurdles to avoid.
“Son, where do you go for consistent encouragement to be an achiever?”
Goal: The life trip from 5th-12th grade is a journey with highs and lows. In those low moments our boys need encouragement (from other places than home). They need to know where and with whom they can safely refuel. Where is that for your son?
BMWK family, have you asked your sons these questions yet? Never forget “The right answers begin with the right questions.”
Carlos Johnson, aka “The Manhood Coach”, is a father, therapist, and educator. As a Leadership Coach for boys, he shares his decades of experience working with families through his Power of 7 Leadership system at www.FutureManPrep.com.