By: M. Simone Boyd
“We’re having a lot of problems with him. And, we can’t seem to get him off of his cellphone and Xbox.” That’s what the lady sitting behind me at breakfast said the other day. I immediately sat up straight and leaned a little closer to listen in. (Okay, so I’m nosy.)
She wanted her son to be present. She wanted to connect. And, she also wanted her husband to help in cutting her son’s addiction to electronic devices.
But, she felt alone.
I have the same problem with my 17-year old brother.
There is a 16-year age gap between us and I no longer live at home. I really want to connect with him before he graduates and goes to college. But whenever we hang out together, he is distracted by incessant text messages and Instagram likes.
Did you know that a teenager will text an average of 3,400 times per month and will spend more time with media than with parents or teachers? It’s true based on a 2012 CNN Story.
Given that my parents have raised eight children, I asked them what they thought about parenting in the digital age. I was raised in the nineties…when all the cool kids had private land lines. But, I wasn’t even allowed to talk on the phone after 9 p.m.
My youngest brother, however, is experiencing a completely different parenting regime. It is the digital age, and my parents are in their sixties. So, I asked them about it. Here’s their strategy:
Set Age Limits
My dad believes there is no need for a cell phone if you aren’t driving. No one gets a cell phone until 16, and children at a younger age are not savvy enough to choose appropriate media.
Periodic Screen Fasts
My parents, periodically, will have a weekend screen fast. During that weekend no one uses screens i.e. TV, cell phones, tablets, etc.
We -the children this edict is forced upon- usually have a hard time unplugging. But, by the end of the weekend we are playing basketball, have dusted off the Monopoly board, and are reconnecting.
Daily Unplugging
My brother also has an electronics curfew. His electronic devices must be left to charge in the kitchen at bedtime, and cell phones are also not allowed at the dinner table.
My parent’s approach seems to be working.
Because, despite my brother having a cell phone, a tablet, and 850 Instagram followers, he maintains a 3.5 GPA, was voted President of his senior class, is respectful and volunteers.
So BMWK, what do you think about my parent’s digital parenting strategy? And how do you connect with your loved ones over the noise of electronic devices?
M. Simone Boyd is the oldest of eight kids and is married to her husband, Morris–an only child. Last year, Simone quit her job as an energy analyst to research what makes relationships thrive or die. She interviewed 10 Christian, Black Men to get their thoughts on relationships and wrote a free guide based on their advice.
Blog:https://myfamilyfantastic.com/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/msimoneboyd
Simone says
Thanks for letting me share my story! I’m really grateful.
Quanie Miller says
Simone, this is terrific advice. I looked around the other day and everyone in my family was looking at something on their cell phone! I love the idea of daily unplugging. I’ll have to implement that soon.
Simone says
So glad you’re going to give daily unplugging a try, Quanie! Isn’t it interesting how devices seem to creep into every crevice of our lives?Sometimes, my husband will be talking to me and I just find myself blindly nodding and dropping “u-huhs” without really being present. My goal is just to be intentional across the board.
D says
These are almost the exact rules we have for our 15 year old daughter and had for our 20 year old when she was home. Our oldest is now a junior in college and still sticks to some of the electronics rules she was brought up with, like no phones at the table while eating with family & friends and off (silent) when studying, homework or sleeping. You have to set rules and expectations with electronics the same way you do in all of the areas of your children’s lives. They know the expectations & may not like them, especially in the beginning, but they’ll get used to it & it’s so worth it. It’s worked well for our family and when they have friends over the phone rules apply to them too!!!