In part one of my article titled “Mothers Are You Raising Someone’s Spouse or Someone’s Burden,” I addressed essential life skills that a young man should be taught to become a fully functioning, independent, self-sufficient adult. Basic life skills and values should be instilled in the very early stages of a young man’s development to give him a multitude of opportunities to consistently practice and implement them so they become routine thoughts and actions in his daily life.
Employing this knowledge and core set of values will allow him to be an asset in his relationships rather than a burden. Having the ability to contribute to a relationship by helping to complete chores, prepare food, manage money, make minor home and car repairs, and being a gentleman are basic hard skills that all adult men should bring to a relationship. However, being a good spouse requires soft skills as well. Mothers, again we can’t teach our sons to how to be men, but we can share valuable information with our sons on what women need and expect from them to be viewed as a good spouse and not a burden.
Mothers please teach your sons that there is a big difference between being the “Man of the House” and the “Head of Household.”
Head of Household
Mothers please teach your sons that there is a big difference between being the “Man of the House” and the “Head of Household.” Being born a man and being the adult male in the relationship makes him the undisputed winner of the “Man of the House” title. However, earning the title as “Head of Household” requires much more than having a penis. Mothers please share with your sons that understanding the importance of their role as husband and father, having the ability to lead, being loving, committed, honest, trustworthy, vulnerable, and consistently dependable are all required to earn the title of “Head of Household.”
Mothers your sons need to know that the title “Head of Household” is not a default title that is automatically issued with their marriage license and represents more than the box they check off when completing their income tax forms. It is a title that is bestowed upon them by their spouse and children based on their respect for and trust in him. Mothers communicate to your sons that men that hold the title of “Head of Household” are not perfect, are allowed to make mistakes, are allowed to have fears, are allowed to ask for help and are not expected to be superheroes that ALWAYS save the day. Explain to them that the title “Head of Household” is simply reflective of a man that willfully and willingly shows up to the game each and every day ready to play to the best of his ability.
Mothers teach your sons that they must be leaders in their homes. Share with them that they must set the tone and lead by example. The most independent, head strong, liberated woman and belligerent child will follow a man that they admire and respect.
How to Lead Your Home
Mothers explain to your sons that a woman must feel secure, protected, and loved in order for her to follow his lead. She must trust that he has sound judgment, will consider the well-being of others when making decisions, will honor and protect his family, and will be consistently dependable. Furthermore, explain to him that he must be comfortable enough with himself to understand that at times he must lead by following.
Mothers share with your sons that he must be vulnerable enough to ask his spouse for help when needed, and secure enough to step back and accept the help. Explain to your sons that this does not make him any less of a man or show a lack of leadership. Convey to him that it does show that he understands his limitations and is willing to place the needs of his family ahead of his ego. It also shows that he is secure in his role as a man and leader of his family.
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