Trying to conceive is an emotionally & spiritually taxing process. I honestly thought that we’d be pregnant by this time. I thought I’d be nearing the end of my first trimester, planning baby showers and shopping Black Friday for baby related sales. It didn’t seem this difficult the first time. Over the last couple of months we started using Ovulation Tests to increase our chances, but after the second month I realized we were reading the Ovulation Test results wrong. Getting that “happy face” on the stick was like winning at the slot machine, only to find out that the only prize we’d won was the chance to try again. I’m usually “Little Miss Sunshine” but I have to admit that I’ve been feeling really sad and down about this entire thing. It just seems so easy for some women.
So Che and I have a few options. We could try fertility meds or treatments, and frankly I’m just not ready for that yet. We could just keep trying with the aid of Ovulation Tests, which sometimes feels like manufactured passion. Don’t get me wrong… I LOVE to love on my hubby, but there is something about the ovulation testing that makes it… well… different. There is nothing like unbridled simultaneous, just because I love you loving. It is so different from let’s try this angle, hoping that egg dropped and let’s marinate until science takes over. I have to laugh to keep from crying. Thankfully, time is on my side. I’ve got about 5 years before my biological clock will need batteries. The decision that I’ve made is that we’re just going to keep trying naturally every month, whenever we feel like it, and hope and pray for a positive pregnancy test. At least that’s the decision that I’ve made for right now.
I hope that no one tells me to “just relax” because that is not the magic method. When and if the time is right, a fertilized egg will be in my belly. And until then, I have so much to look forward to, to work toward and to be grateful for. If you’re a spiritual person, we ask for your prayers and once we get that positive pregnancy test (and past the moment of viability) you will be the first to know… Thank you for reading and thank you for your positive energy. Lord knows I need it as it relates to trying to become a mommy. E-hugs!