Dear Doctor,

I have a little dilemma! A while back I found out that my husband was having inappropriate conversation with another woman. Since then he deleted her number out of his phone, however he’s still contacting her but deleting the messages. I know this to be true because I’ve gone through our phone records. I see the numbers he’s texting and I’ve called the number to verify that it is the same woman. Now I know I am supposed to pray my way through the situation and allow God to change his heart but at what point am I being naive for not saying anything? Should I confront my husband about having inappropriate conversations?

Thanks, Mrs. X

Dear Mrs. X,

Yes, you should confront your husband. There is an old saying that states, “What Happens in the Dark, Comes to the Light”. This holds true in most situations, but sometimes individuals need a little assistance with bringing things to light. It appears that your husband is not being truthful and is trying to operate in the dark. I praise and commend you for allowing God to work in your marriage. However, God gave man the gift of Free will. What does this mean? This means that man has the freedom to choose his path. Your husband’s heart can be changed if he chooses to change it. If your husband is a God-fearing man, he will admit his wrongdoing and ask for forgiveness from God and you.

It is unfortunate that you have to search phone records because your husband is being deceitful. However, the only way to resolve deceitfulness is to address it head on. If you desire to save your marriage, you must maintain open lines of communication with your husband. Never hold your tongue when you are being disrespected and/or treated unfairly. In confronting your husband, do so in a calm and respectful manner. Do not give him ammunition to use against you. If you approach him in an aggressive and angry manner, he will focus on your behavior and try to avoid the real the issue, which is his inappropriate conversation.

Deceit is about gaining an advantage and lying is the primary method. With this in mind, I highly recommend that you seek professional help if you want your marriage to work. I say this because it can be very challenging and difficult to restore trust once deceit occurs.

Best regards,

Dr. Buckingham

If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to [email protected]

Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.