I hate giving up. Something about walking away just feels unnatural. If something mattered enough for me to pursue, I have to hang in there. I have to give it all I’ve got.
But does that mean I won’t ever give up? No, because I have walked away from things on occasion. I think there are times where, despite our very best efforts, walking away starts to feel like the reasonable thing to do. It starts to feel like the best option.
But what about when it comes to marriage? Is giving up on a promise you made before God ever a reasonable option?
Should You Stay?
We’ve all heard it before: Marriage is hard work. And I have to admit, I agree with the sentiment. I’ve been married for almost 8 years, and although I consider myself happily married, we’ve had our rough moments. There have been times where working through life’s unexpected challenges felt like too much.
But despite those rough patches, leaving never felt like a reasonable option. We love each other. We invested a lot of time into our marriage. We have children now. Walking away from it all seems unreasonable. We both feel like even if things get terribly hard, we have an obligation to make it work.
But, as with everything in life, it’s hard to say what you would do in a certain situation until you are in that situation.
Doesn’t everything have a breaking point? Isn’t there a moment when you realize that you have done ALL you can and things just can’t work out anymore?
Should You Give Up?
Infidelity, physical abuse, and emotional abuse are a few of the conditions that many women reference as deal breakers. Introduce one of these issues into their marriage and most women say they’re out the door.
But I have also seen enough to know that this isn’t always the case. We all know couples who have worked through the pain of infidelity. We all know someone who’s in a situation that seems abusive, yet they remain—often for the wrong reasons. We’ve all heard of couples so seems to be headed to divorce, but someone found a way to make things work.
But maybe—just maybe—there is a point where giving up is okay. Maybe God will understand that you gave it your ALL and you both just could not find a way to make your union work. Maybe you are in a situation where giving up is actually the most reasonable option.
So how do you know?
I personally believe that counseling and prayer will lead you in the right direction. Only you know the specifics of your marriage. Only you know the extent of the infidelity. Only you know how deeply the abuse runs. Only you know how unhappy you might be. Only you know why you even chose to marry your spouse (and if you got married for the right reasons).
No, marriage is not easy. But it is one of the things worth fighting for most of the time. Although giving up on your marriage should never be your very first option, I just can’t find a way to say that it should never be an option. Sometimes the options we dread the most are actually the options that will serve us the most in the long run.
If you are wondering whether or not it is time to give up on your marriage, be sure to approach your decision in a way that sits well with your soul. Hopefully you will make a decision that will place you on the path you were meant to be on.
BMWK family, do you think giving up on your marriage is ever a reasonable option?