There are many women of faith that have gone in prayer and asked: “God where is my Boaz?” There are many churches that have preached to single women to continue waiting for Boaz. Yet despite all of your efforts, Boaz has not come, and frustration has taken his place. This can seem so unfair, but maybe there is a very good reason this blessing has been delayed. What could possibly be hindering the process? What could you, as a woman of God, have overlooked while you are waiting for Boaz?
3 Reasons Why You’re Still Waiting For Your Boaz
In this article:
You’re Scared of Being Vulnerable
Life can be tough, and most of us (if not all) have felt its wrath. Pain and disappointment can cause even the strongest of people to go hide in their corner where it’s safer. Well, that is exactly what some of you have done and it has created more bad than good. While waiting for Boaz, you have built up walls to protect yourself, but it’s those same walls that are blocking your blessings. Those walls restrict love from fully flowing in and out of you, but true love makes us vulnerable, and that simply scares you to death.
You Have Yet To Embrace Self-Reflection
If everyone or everything else is the problem, then how will you ever see the need to improve. You have embraced the idea that you are all that you need to be, but the reality may be that you have yet to truly scratch the surface. You are still a great woman, and you deserve great love. Yet, that doesn’t mean you don’t have areas in your life that need correction. We all have room for improvement, and sometimes it will take making significant progress before you can receive what is truly best for you.
You Don’t Completely Trust God
Just because you know God and you praise God, doesn’t always mean you trust God. You may hand over control in many areas of your life, but when it comes to dating and relationships, you essentially keep at least one hand (if not both) on the situation. God doesn’t need your help, he needs your obedience. Your perception of things can never trump his knowledge of everything. It can be very difficult at times to embrace what is within your spirit when what your eyes and ears receive are giving you something completely different to consider. Yet, if you continue to try to work only within your logic, you might as well tell God his services are not needed.
There is nothing wrong with you wanting your Boaz, but there is also nothing wrong with you being single. The time you spend waitinf for Boaz is an opportunity to grow and love yourself in a way that will attract all the things you need and truly desire. Your time will come, but that is only if you are willing to put in the necessary work. That requires tapping into God’s guidance and learning what your personal journey consists of. To assist you on that walk, check out the book God Where Is My Boaz. It will help you take a deeper look within and understand what obstacles may be hindering you from getting what you deserve. No more waiting on your Boaz, time to prepare for him, and truly become the woman God created you to be.
For more information on the Amazon #1 Bestseller God Where Is My Boaz you can visit www.GodWhereIsMyBoaz.com and purchase your copy for Kindle or in PDF format.
BMWK, What does Boaz look like to you?
Up Next: Singles: 3 Signs You Should Call it Quits in a Relationship
Editor’s Note – This post was originally published on August 28, 2013, and has been updated for quality and relevancy.
I truly agree… My boaz showed his face early this early and we have been happy for 9 months now. My process was hard. After my broken engagement 4 years ago ( i knew he wasnt for me just took a long to to ooen my eyes) I decided to focus on God and myself. Learn to love myself again. I have lost myself in the relationship. I stopped doing the things that made me…me like sports. I started to journal again to God for 4 years. Once i received a new job that’s when I met my boaz. Never would have though i would meet someone at work. I finally met someone on my level or may above my level. He challenges me in a good way. I am going back to school for my masters. we communicate very well, never yell. He supports my dreams and I supports his. It is amazing what time will do for you. I thought I was ready to marry in my 20s, but i now know i was not mature enough to handle some of the things that come with a relationship. Now 33, I am ready.
I’m glad to hear that you were able to overcome the pain and disappointment from your past. Continue to make the progress as you have done, and you will continue to enjoy many blessings.
I firmly believe if God has placed the desire in your heart to be in loving matrimony,he is going to full fill it. I just don’t like hearing that some people may be destined to be single.
Applause to you for all your success as a coach, speaker ….I agree with a lot of the valuable information that you have given to men & women
You sound a lot like me Rashida, I am 33 as well and it definitely gets harder as you get older, but I am working on myself as well so that I can be ready when my Boaz appears, but I must admit, it’s not easy and the dating game can be quite frustrating at times.
Wow! Thanks your comment blessed me!!! God bless you and your relationship!
I agree whole heartedly with having to trust God completely with your love life. It’s difficult. There are so many lists targeting single women, saying what we should look, act, and think like to get a man. I’ve learned in the past year that some of these rules will get you a man, but probably not THE MAN that God has for you. By the way…are there lists for guiding men as to how to choose a woman? They need direction as well (just saying).
This list/book is really about helping woman understand what is hindering them in getting the love they deserve. Getting the man that is truly best for you will come when we all take time to grow and properly address our issues. Like you said, many things guide you on how to get “a man” but we have to go deeper than that. There is absolutely going to be a list and a book for the men as well. Self reflection is needed by all if we want to get the things we deserve in life.
I agree with this article, however I want to point out that God does not guarantee a Boaz for every woman. If it is within His will for your life, Boaz is coming. If it is outside of His will, he has other things that He wants for you to do. Now dealing with that realization is a key thing that most Godly relationships experts do not address.
In the book I do make mention of that Gelori. The focus is truly on self growth. After that occurs everything becomes more clear. So a woman may get her healing, have positive energy flowing through her body, and then come to the understanding that being single is truly best for her. Which at that point she will be ok with and still be filled with love. For those who truly still have a burning desire to be in a relationship after they have healed, and moved in the direction God directed them to move in, I believe that desire is their for God to fulfill. So I acknowledge that for some women there will be a “gift a singleness” as it has been referred to. Yet, until she removes the distractions, negative energy, and placing her own perspective over God. It will be very difficult for her to see and embrace what is truly best for her and brings her peace.
I am a woman who only goes to church, store and home??? Growing up, I was pretty much sheltered into thinking that a man would find me. Now I am ready for a serious relationship and I don’t know where else to go to meet men? What sorts of events should I go to, to meet quality men? Also if it’s an event for something else such as business networking, How should you behave to show you are interested?
You should go to events that you truly enjoy. That way you have a greater chance of connecting with someone who shares some similar interest. Be open to engaging with others and smile. Be confident and exude positive energy, which starts with making sure you embrace who you truly are as a woman. Also always seek direct guidance from God as well, and trust his direction, not your logic.
Looking for my Boaz. I’m Waiting on Gods timing and I am constantly working on yourself. I gave my life to God and became a celibate woman. I carry myself well enough, but I feel there is still something lacking. When I meet someone they want to quickly get on the subject of sex. I change the subject but they are not interested and the then the conversation is over. How do you get your point across without sounding unattainable. I need a celibate man in my life. I’m not dealing with the loneliness very well. It is sometimes unbareable. Self help books, cds sermons on accountibility etc is taking it’s toll. I feel like I’m drowning in loneliness.
I’m sorry to hear you are dealing with this struggle Dladyt. Be encouraged, because things are going to improve. One thing that helps take the edge off is making sure you have tapped into your purpose and passion. Not what you think you’re good at, but what God has created you to do. Also you only need to be attainable to the man God has for you. Don’t let the men who shoot you down because of your celibacy discourage you. That was likely there focus and therefore being with them would of been unfulfilling. Just embrace who you are, and make and effort to enjoy life more. Smile, engage, and make sure you have healed from any past wounds. God isn’t going to let you drown, his hand is reaching out to you, just grab hold and pull yourself up : )
Dont find love,let love find you,so that when you fall,you just fall inlove.it happens in god perfect time.,just pray and be patient.he prepares more than what you want..
I know what my issue is, or should I say was. It was allowing my husband to be the head. I still don’t have my Boaz, but I am in a church that shows what God said how a marriage should be. Straight from Ephesians 5:22-33.
Great article, I am almost 50 and still waiting on my Boaz, I was beginning to give up and give in…I was begining to believe that God forgot I was waiting and the older I get the harder it is to just wait. However, your article made me reflect on a few things such as letting down walls and really trusting God, not just in my spiritual life, but in my finances, relationships and with my self. This article just confirmed what I felt I needed to do anyway, trust HIM more and really allow him to guide me. Thank you…
Love your comment
Thank you for the article and it blessed me, it just confirmed a few things that God has told me mainly LOOKING AT SELF…thanking God for the article and the wink of love!!
My pleasure Yvonne : ) . I’m glad God could use me in providing you with some extra confirmation. I know you will continue to move in a better direction.
I was married to a Pastor .. I thought I had my Boaz when God showed me that it wasn’t it hurt … I did a lot of soul searching .. I hate to fail.. However God showed me right now in my Divorce proceedings.. That because it failed .. He’s God hasn’t fail me .. It’ will be 2 years in Match 2014.. I feel so renewed its almost like its a fairy tale.. He took all the hurt regret & pain away .. And now I can say free @ last free @ last thank God almighty free @ last .. I’m ready Boaz … I’ll be buying that book first chance I get some extra money Thanks Coach Stephan~ God Bless you..
Thank you so much for this article Stephan. I enjoyed reading and receiving, I also look forward to being more obedient unto God and wait in his glory to manifest in my life!
OOH, I got punched in the forehead with that last reason…Thank you, great article!
Number 3 hit the nail on the head for me never thought I could own up to not fully trusting God. I gotta get my hands on this book!
… ahhh.. I remember when I believed that. I was so sweet. Way too nice… heard the same thing over and over.. you’re so beautiful, you’e so nice.. you’re sexy, you’re a GOOD woman, yet I’m always passed over and dropped in the cursed “FriendZone”… I was celibate for 21 years… that didn’t work.. gave up and had sex a couple of times.. that didn’t work either. Now, at almost 50, I know better… everybody is NOT going to get a man no matter how ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ you think you’re doing it. I know some people (in the church) who had sex got married and have great, happy, loving marriages.. I know some people who did the same thing and are either divorced or miserable. I’ve only met ONE couple in my 25 years in church that was celibate before they got married. There is no “magic formula”. Some will, some won’t simple as that… and yes.. I’m a lil angry! LOL!
I understand how you feel Regina, but honestly there is more to it than that. I don’t believe anyone who gets in tune with what God wants them to do will find themselves desiring a partner when he has no plans on providing one. The reality is that no matter how great we are, we tend to overlook certain things that are hindering our progress. You said you were always in the friend zone, there has to be a reason behind that, but it is going to require a deeper look to figure it out.
GREAT ARTICLE! I love that you didn’t say something silly like it’s because you aren’t super woman!
Stephen, I know that you mean well and much of your advice is very solid. However, my issues with this article can be summed up in your comment below:
“I don’t believe anyone who gets in tune with what God wants them to do will find themselves desiring a partner when he has no plans on providing one.”
Your personal theology sounds nice but is not necessarily Biblical.
God’s ways are higher than our ways and we have no way of absolutely predicting His methods and blessings in any individual’s life. Is there a Biblical mandate that says that a person should have no unfulfilled desires while he/she lives on the earth? There are faithful Christians who live with long-term, even life-long debilitating illnesses who God has not healed (Check out Joni Eareckson Tada’s testimony). Would we tell them that there is some inner work they need to do before God will heal them? Who are we to guarantee a particular blessing from the Lord? Since when do we turn God a certain way through works, no matter how well meaning?
There are many people who did it all the wrong way (sex and children before marriage) and God uses it for good if they commit their ways to Him. There are also many others who God sends a mate to help them in their healing process. His ways are not our ways. If we insist that you have to be in some ideal state to earn God’s mercy and blessing than we strip Him of His glory. It’s not about us, we can never deserve anything He gives us, no matter how hard we work… “lest any man should boast.”
You also do not acknowledge that earthly and societal circumstances borne of man’s free will affect each of us in a variety of ways. We do not live purely in a spiritual and emotional realms. We live in earthly bodies and attend churches that are often comprised of 70% or more female. We live in a generation where men have rejected the things of God at higher rates than women. We also reap the fruit of our own sins and also may be affected by the sin of others in our communities – for example those who have wasted prime dating years on fruitless relationships, thus narrowing the Christian dating pools even more. No matter how much some Christian women pray, get right, work on emotional wholeness, etc., there are some glaring disadvantages that remain in today’s world.
Matthew 19:12
Some are born as eunuchs, some have been made eunuchs by others, and some choose not to marry for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. Let anyone accept this who can.”
Jesus says that some are made eunuchs by others – in other words, their marital/sexual circumstances were outside of their control. Many Christian singles can identify with this.
Despite circumstance God’s grace is sufficient.
Life isn’t always fair, but God’s grace is sufficient.
So agree with this…..it is God who decides our lives….I just believe we just embrace whatever circumstances we are in to show the mercy and grace of God through our lives. If a husband comes or doesn’t, our lives should show his joy and strength. Yes, societal circumstances, lack of available marriageable men, etc. have a lot to do with African American women marrying later, or not at all. I believe that the focus on wanting to be married too much keeps people trapped in pain, fear and loneliness. There is so much world out there to help and serve……let God decide and let him provide if that is HIS will. I love my life…..I love God….don’t always like the circumstances of my life but I love what God is able to do through me with all of my imperfections, insecurities, hopeless circumstances and limitations. He is an amazing God because he teaches us to love where we are at…..not necessarily where we are going.
Hey stephan hope all is well, thank you for this wonderful message to us woman. Please help me i need more help before i go insane i have being in love with this man for almost 8 years now i have rejected so many man because of him think that maybe oneday he can love just the way i love him but still things dont happen that way please help me i need to accpect that he is not my boaz i have being waiting for the wrong boaz
send me an email to [email protected] so we can discuss things further
I am also waiting for my boaz I am also reading the book I’m not sure if I’m the only one confused about how do I know if the man I meet is really the one for me?? The last man I was with for 3years cheated and had a baby and I thought he was the man for me.
Confused???
Hey Lisa : ). Email me at [email protected] so we can discuss your concern further.
Thank you for this article. I am currently heavily studying the Book of Ruth. According to what the book says in the Bible. Naomi encouraged Ruth to approach Boaz. Had Ruth not done what Naomi encouraged her to do, we probably would not have had an Obed, Jessie, David, which led us to OUR Lord and Savior.
That’s exactly what has been killing me. I’ve been going by what I have learned in the past from my Grandmothers, Friends, Family and Relatives, and it could very well cause me to miss my BOAZ (The Man Which My Heart Real and Truly does).
I’ve been placing a wedge between the man God has shown me because I have become confused to listening to what other people and the Enenmy are saying rather than what GOD has said and shown me through the Book of Ruth. Thank you for sharing this information.
Yes, it’s nice to have a man approach you, but that might not be the case in which GOD is looking to send you your BOAZ. After all, the story is about Ruth and Boaz, and Ruth had to step out of her comfort zone to get her Boaz, the same applies for me.
I think you do have some valid points that Christian single woman have to consider. But many times women can do everything right and still end up choosing wrong and being cheated on. Sometimes it has to do with timing, when an Indvidual may be ready to settle the other person is not! I could understand the other lady when she said she is confused. As much as you can pray for a good man, men do not want the good girls, they want you good but want you bad as well, so,do you just pretend, to be bad and then they find out that you’re good? I think that there is so many mixed messages about relationships and it is not as black and white! But I definitely agree after all the lies, the hurt, the leading on you get tired and afraid of being vulnerable, because the last time I was vulnerable and opened up myself someone betrayed me and hurt me severely. I am trying to regroup, begin again, better myself and focus on me but the pain is real and Imwould want to accelerate the process and eventually move forward to finding that right guy!
I understand your comment completely
How do you heal from your past wounds and disappointments? Or do you ever heal? I was with this man for 13 years on and off and recently was intimate again but he makes it clear he doesn’t wanna be with me(or so he says)like we both just cant let go but its killing me because i truely love him.how can i heal or will i ever?
Yes you can heal but it will require you taking a deeper look at things. You have to begin to truly understand and embrace what is going on here in order for you to finally break free from it. Giving you a general answer on healing will not be enough, so with that said if you would like further assistance you can email me at [email protected]
I agree with Keisha Shae. I’m 40 and still can’t get it right. I am independent, a homeowner, educated, love to laugh and have fun, hoping for an exciting sex life with the hubby, blah blah blah and it seems that women that are opposite of me get the men. The dependent ones. Why? Because there are no expectations and standards are lower. Men don’t have to pursue or work hard with them. I see it all of the time. I know so many good women that are being passed over for real relationships. They end up settling for less of a man because of the years of waiting. Or like me… recently dated a man that I have chemistry with, everything that I’ve been praying for in a man plus more!! we have so much in common, we have such deep conversations, he always called me a breath of fresh air,he treated me so nice and respectful, he took me on a wonderful vacation then BAM! he made sure that I knew that we were only friends. He doesn’t want to be tied down by a relationship or just one woman. Really? His actions said differently! I thought actions spoke louder than words? He says he don’t want a relationship but treated me like we are in one. everyone thought we were a couple by they way he treated me. I can’t win for losing with men. it’s all very confusing. I’ve spent all these years of being single working on myself. Accomplishing goals, went back to school for that degree, cleaned up that credit and bought a home, raising kids which are now teenagers, paying bills, being head of hold, the mother and father…even worked on the internal stuff… praying for healing of my broken heart and fragile emotions and being celebate and not dating for 5 years during this process. I can’t be a penny looking for a dime piece. Got stronger and smarter Met this dude and same mess just a different player but at least he was closer to what I desire. I may just buy a dog and call it a day. (Sorry its so long, I got carried away)
I think that you have made some valid points, but I’m not entirely convinced that all godly Christian women who are married met all of these requirements before they married. Some of us are guilty of not praying for our future spouse, and yet, maybe some of those women (even thought they weren’t praying for their future spouse) lucked out because they had parents praying for their future spouses even before they were born, or while they were still children. Maybe those same women are married to the right one, but it was easier for them to do so, because their parents were praying for their future spouse. Unless I am mistaken, I don’t think my parents prayed for my future spouse. The man I believe God gave me a vision about that he was the one, well, he never came after me..as I think back on how I was back then, I don’t think I made myself approachable enough, but now I’m out of college, and he’s in another state, and I’m in a different state, so getting together now is really out of the question. If he was the One, then I missed out, I guess. Do you believe in there being One Right Person for someone else? I have also read something in Scripture about “their women were not given in marriage,” which I think in context the nation of Israel were living in a such a way that they weren’t pleasing God, and being worldly, so perhaps, maybe the fact that us Christians are worldly have something to do with the fact that there remains a high percentage of people who are single in America? I don’t know. Maybe there aren’t any easy answers to this question of why some women get to marry, and some women don’t. I realize that God is Sovereign, but what happens if s omeone has a strong desire to get married, and that desire never gets fulfilled? Is it because “God didn’t do His job,” or because the man didn’t do his? In fact I read of an incident where Elisabeth Elliot talks about a single missionary Gladys Aylward (who was already in China) saw the beauty of the marriage relationship in observing the marriage of someone else, and asked God to send her a husband. Well, Gladys Aylward spent her life on the mission field in China, and someone asked her why she never married…she said, (to the effect of), “I believe God answered my prayer, but the man never came.” She believed that God had had a husband for her, but the man never showed up- he didn’t obey God’s call to go to China, and therefore he would have been there and married her. So there are some women whom I believe God had a husband for them, but it was on account of the man that he didn’t show up. God can never force someone to go or do anything..we have free will. I believe I was called to be married, but for whatever reason, the man wasn’t given that ‘memo’ from God, or he just didn’t listen to Him. That’s my take on it.
Jessica I definitely don’t believe every Christian married woman met all of these requirements. Which is one of the reasons so many are struggling in their marriage and why we have a divorce rate. It isn’t about just getting married, it’s about marrying the person God truly has for you. I’m going to be honest with you, as I read your message it consistently puts the responsibility on every one other than the woman herself. Even in the book of Ruth, if she doesn’t do her part by laying down next to Boaz and telling him who she was then she may have never gotten married either. God is always able to do his part, but many times we as people don’t do ours. Even with your situation, I see you giving your personal logic but I don’t see you going to God and asking Him how to proceed. Distance means nothing, because who knows what is waiting around the corner, I will just encourage you to pray, and ask God what is it that you need to do. Don’t get caught up in the perception of other women who bypassed the process yet still got married. You have no idea the price they have paid or will pay, and many times if you knew the truth you wouldn’t want what they have at all. So embrace your role in making things happen, but seek God’s guidance on what actions you need to take.
Jessica I definitely don’t believe every Christian married woman met all of these requirements. Which is one of the reasons so many are struggling in their marriage and why we have a divorce rate. It isn’t about just getting married, it’s about marrying the person God truly has for you. I’m going to be honest with you, as I read your message it consistently puts the responsibility on every one other than the woman herself. Even in the book of Ruth, if she doesn’t do her part by laying down next to Boaz and telling him who she was then she may have never gotten married either. God is always able to do his part, but many times we as people don’t do ours. Even with your situation, I see you giving your personal logic but I don’t see you going to God and asking Him how to proceed. Distance means nothing, because who knows what is waiting around the corner, I will just encourage you to pray, and ask God what is it that you need to do. Don’t get caught up in the perception of other women who bypassed the process yet still got married. You have no idea the price they have paid or will pay, and many times if you knew the truth you wouldn’t want what they have at all. So embrace your role in making things happen, but seek God’s guidance on what actions you need to take.
I have had so many failed relationships that i have lost count. I truely desire a man who I can share this spiritual journey with. A man who is placed in my life by God to help God fufill his purpose and where God can use me to fulfill his purpose for him. Marriage is meant to serve God as should be all we do. After so many failed attempts im starting to think im not meant for marriage…I desire it but perhaps its not Gods desire for me. I have begged Him to take the desire away if its not his will. Yet it is still there. With so many failedrelationships how does one still have faith. A miracle that I believe god to do but never happens…
Self-Reflection is what helped me. It wasn’t until I fully came to understand ‘Love Your Neighbor as Yourself’, that I attracted/reflected what God has for me. He came at a time when I was healing (by walking in full forgiveness and loving and learning me) and not looking for a mate. I had to not only see my self-worth but I had to see me as God sees me. The best thing that has happened to me is getting to know me…without guilt or condemnation. I freely love me and I allow my husband to freely love me. We’re celebrating our 1st Anniversary July 20th. God is faithful and truly loves His children.
Hey Dladyt,
Of course the conversation is over when you say to a man that you’re celibate. Men get married to have sex. At least, men who want to do it God’s way. If you’re not willing to have sex, then you most likely won’t find a man to be with you (unless he is also celibate and wanting female companionship). Why a celibate man would want female companionship is beyond me, though. You may want to join some clubs, or organizations at your church or elsewhere where you can make friends with other women. And I would seriously rethink your decision to be celibate. Why are you doing it? God doesn’t require celibacy from people who give their lives to Him. At least, not in my experience. Hope this helps.
I often read your guest blogs on The Praying Woman. Lovely stuff to read. This one particularly. 🙂
I disagree. We all know that sex before marriage is sin. Although we live in this flesh, and GOD knows we will fail in this flesh, he tells us what will keep us out of heaven. And if your not being celibate, then you are commiting fornication.
Interesting article. God never told a woman that she had to wait on a man to approach her or that a man has to find her. Many women are confused about this because of their lack of understanding of the bible or them picking and choosing what they want to follow that is in the bible. The bible verse that said, He that findth a wife findth a good thing” does not mean for the woman to wait and be found. This verse talks about a woman that has given her life fully to God and posse the qualities of a good woman the way it is outlined in the bible. Then and only then, she will be a good wife to a man. Man and woman is a good thing to each other when they both are headed by God. The verse didn’t say he that is looking to find a wife will find a good thing which would remotely mean what women want men to do for them. Now, You can reverse it and put she that findth a husband findth a good thing which would mean the same thing but for the man. If you really know the truth, Ruth went after Boaz to get him to marry her and not the other way around which shows that the bible didn’t tell a woman to wait on a man. The bible does speak about the woman being easily deceived and I am not saying that a man can’t be deceived either. In order for a woman to get a Boaz, she would have to be humble, noble, and have a lot of the same characteristics like Ruth which a lot of women today lack. As you can see from the responses to this article, a lot of women will be upset when you tell her that she is doing something wrong because most of them feel they are not wrong but it is the men who are wrong which is ridiculous. Men and women will do things wrong and have to be corrected in order to improve themselves. At the end of the day, if you are not the woman that a man is looking for then you will not be chosen by him. The kind of woman a man is looking for is outlined in the bible and not determined by women or society.
don’t believe anyone who gets in tune with what God wants them to do will find themselves desiring a partner when he has no plans on providing one.”
Thank you Stephan. This is the second time I have heard someone say this. So encouraging as I have desired marriage since I was 16’Still waiting at 37 despite trying it my way