You are seriously dating a man (at least you think it’s serious because you are giving him all of your time), but he tells you that you are just friends. What does this mean? Most importantly, what do you hear when he says this? (READ: What a Man Really Means When He Says He Just Wants To Be “Friends”)
Most communication breakdowns happen between what a person says and what you think they mean. I don’t want your feelings to get hurt because his words are getting lost in translation, so let me point out 3 things you might be hearing when he says “we’re just friends” and why you’re setting yourself up for heartbreak.
1. He’s wants to be friends “first”
You think that because he calls you morning, noon and night, sends you “hey gorgeous” texts, and makes plans to see you every time he’s back in town, that he’s establishing the foundation for a relationship. You’re spending so much time together, all of his actions lead you to think that you’re together, and he doesn’t have time for anyone else. You conclude that when he says he just wants to be friends, you think he means friends before the relationship begins.
Wrong! There’s no evidence that suggests you are the only woman in his life. If he hasn’t told you he’s seeing you exclusively, then he’s not!
2. He’s honest—I like that!
You’ve had men play games with you in the past, so this dude’s straightforwardness feels refreshing to you. He’s older, consistent, secure in himself, and stable in his life. He doesn’t seem to need to impress you and he’s very different from anyone else you’ve ever dated.
Except you’re not dating! A man’s positive actions toward you doesn’t mean he wants a relationship with you.
Just because a man spends time with you, consistently makes you feel good, and even sleeps with you, doesn’t mean that he sees you as his girlfriend. He’s technically not being dishonest with you…but has he really told you the truth ?
He treats you well, because he knows that if he doesn’t, you won’t spend time with him anymore. But, I repeat… it doesn’t mean you’re in a committed relationship.
3. I can change his mind
You believe you can make him fall in love with you by acting like a wife. So, you never “nag” him about labeling the situation. You don’t ask him for a commitment because you don’t want him to feel pressured. You give him your time, money and attention, hoping that one day his eyes will open and he’ll see you as “wifey.”
Unfortunately, acting like a wife when you’re not even a girlfriend won’t change the mind of a man who has clearly told you, “we’re just friends.”
A man changes his mind because he wants to, not because you cooked and cleaned your way into his heart. If you keep ignoring what he tells you, you’re going to be shocked and heartbroken when he brings his fiancé around!
It’s easy to have selective hearing when someone is telling you something you don’t want to hear. But the truth will set you free, if you embrace it. Instead of dating someone who just wants to be friends, focus on the men out there who would be love to be your partner. He’s out there, but hanging on to this friendship and hoping it will turn into a relationship will prevent you from ever meeting him.
BMWK, how do you handle it when a man tells you “we’re just friends?” Post below!