There is no perfect man or woman out there. If you are searching for the perfect one, go ahead and relax because you won’t ever find what you are looking for. But if you are looking for the right partner to spend a lifetime with, don’t give up. He’s out there. I am sure of it.
I think we all have a match out there. Finding someone you love and are able to spend a lifetime with isn’t some impossible feat. However, you can’t go falling for the first nice person who comes along. Before you even think about settling down, you have to be willing to ask yourself some really tough questions.
Are you settling?
Are you ignoring red flags?
Do you feel like you deserve better?
Are you constantly making excuses for your mate?
Now, anyone you choose to be with will be flawed. All people have bad habits and areas they need to work on. But there are some things we can’t forgive. There are certain character flaws that cannot be ignored.
If you are dating someone that exhibits any of the character flaws below, I beg you to pump the brakes and really think about whether or not this is the right person for you to spend your life with.
I am not suggesting people can’t stop being selfish. But I am suggesting that your mate won’t stop being selfish just because you want him to. People bring an end to selfishness when they are mature enough and ready to do so.
It doesn’t matter how much you love a selfish person, your love won’t change who that person is. When someone is incapable of putting your needs before his own, you have to move with caution.
Also, observe how your mate is with others in his life. Is his selfishness a pattern, a way of life? If so, do you really think he will just wake up and change?
You can certainly address this behavior with your mate to determine if he acknowledges it and ask if he is ready for change. But if your conversations always result in a lack of acknowledgement, you have to ask yourself if this is the person you want to be with forever.
I know several women who have been physically and/or emotionally abused. I’ve always been there for them, but watching them suffer has been heartbreaking. No one deserves to be treated that way.
Even if it just seems like it is just a minor aggression. Typically abusive behavior doesn’t improve without intervention. It usually gets worse. And it can be almost impossible for a woman to convince an abusive mate to seek help. I believe in the power of love, but I also know that love does not conquer all.
Love won’t make someone stop hitting you. Love won’t make someone stop talking down to you. Love won’t make you feel good when someone is dead set on making you feel small. If you notice abusive qualities, walk away. It’s a character flaw you can’t afford to deal with and one you can’t spend your lifetime hoping to change.
We’ve all made mistakes. We all have relationships in our lives that are hurting and in need of repair. But when you notice that someone you are dating has a pattern of damaged relationships, don’t keep moving forward blindly.
If a man is having trouble with his mother, his child’s mother and even with his actual child, don’t fall for any crap he’s feeding you about how everyone else is at fault.
If all the relationships in your life that should matter most are damaged, you have played some role in the demise of those relationships. There is no way around that fact. If your man is suggesting that everyone has done him wrong and he’s this great guy, I suggest you dig a little deeper to find out what’s really going on. Patterns like this should never be ignored.
BMWK, what are some character flaws you believe should never be ignored?