“I have a question. I have been talking to this guy for a couple of weeks now and we have been out on a date once. Dating is still relatively new to me. Already, I have found that he doesn’t like when women tell him no. That bothers me. He becomes upset when I can’t spend time with him because sometimes, I want to hang out with my sister, but he isn’t close to his family like I am. What do I do?”
My initial response to this question was one word. RUN! That’s still my final answer, but there’s more to be said in between.
Risking Pain for Pleasure
Too often, there are warning signs early on that we choose to ignore for various reasons (that come back to bite us later). The new “love interest” is a breath of fresh air. It’s new and exciting. Again, being the object of someone’s affection is attention that feels good. It’s like sunshine after the rain. As my mother would say, “All new brooms sweep good.” The mistake that is often made is to continue forward with blinders on, ignoring the signs that show that the bad outweighs the good.
Hindsight is only 20/20 when we choose to acknowledge the same signs that we clearly saw earlier, but brushed them off choosing to risk future pain for present pleasure. A lot of pain and heartache can be avoided when we read the signs as they are presented to us early on before we become deeply engaged emotionally.
That brings me to another important point, guard your heart. You are most able to be objective early in the dating stages before your emotions engage. Have fun, but be intentional. Pay close attention to words and behaviors. People are more honest than you may think in the beginning because they don’t have a checklist of things that you don’t like yet. They don’t know this until you tell them or after you react to something they did that you didn’t particularly care for. That’s how we learn one another. Use that time wisely.
Now, to answer the initial question from earlier: Very seriously consider the signs that you are being shown. Read them aloud if you must. “He doesn’t like it when women tell him no.” What does this tell you about a man? Is he selfish? Is he controlling? Is he insecure? This may be an indication that he is selfish, controlling, or even insecure. Immature males misuse their strength to control women in an effort to mask their own insecurities.
You have been talking to this man for approximately 14 days and have already learned, in this short span of time, that his wants are a priority that requires your submission. That’s a problem. It would be different if it was his legitimate “needs” and not his “wants.” Still, at this stage in your (two-week) prelude, his wants or needs should not be an issue because neither is yours to fulfill.
There will be times in all relationships where ‘no’ will be an unavoidable response. That’s understood by mature, unselfish adults. It’s also understood that people like to spend time with their families. You should not be experiencing this kind of drama from a man ever, but definitely not after two weeks of talking and one date. Run!
BMWK, have you ever seen early signs that make you want to run?