If you’re once again thinking you can change him, think again. According to a new study from researchers at University of Kansas and Wellesley College, individuals with opposing personalities and interests are less likely to pair and/or adapt for their partners. So if he’s not on your wavelength now, don’t bother working on him because he’ll likely never change.

“Change is difficult and unlikely. It’s easier to select people who are compatible with your needs and goals from the beginning,” said Angela Bahns, assistant professor of psychology at Wellesley College and one of the lead researchers, in the study’s press release.

The study, which examined both new and existing relationships, found romantic partners and friends were already pretty similar before their initial connection. They theorize it’s the similarity—whether it is like-minded musical tastes, political viewpoints, life goals and personal values—which draws couples together. So obviously, there is more accord in these relationships, and that places these couples at a natural advantage to stay together.

“Anything that disrupts the harmony of the relationship—such as areas of disagreement, especially on attitudes, values or preferences that are important—is likely to persist,” Bahns said.

So stop picturing a movie-like scenario when the guy decides he wants to turn his life around for you…for love, blah, blah, blah. You may influence him slightly or sway his opinion every now and then, but he’ll inevitably be himself and stay the same. So here is a novel idea that may surprise you: If you want your man to eat, sleep and breathe everything you do, then your best bet is aiming to find someone…well…more like you.