When we meet, date and even marry, we really don’t know everything about the person next to us. We are often oblivious to the challenges they’ve faced, the hardships they’ve overcome and the difficulties they endure on a daily basis. If we were honest, we frequently ignore the outward signs of their inward pain and shame and move on with our day. Last night’s episode of … [Read more...]
Am I Wrong for Physically Assaulting My Husband?
Dear Dr. Buckingham, My husband and I have been together for ten years and married for five. We have three children together. My husband recently had an altercation with his boss and quit. I chose to start working and let him stay home with the kids. Well, a week later, I see he searched for a girl on Facebook, and asked him about it. He got really mad and said it was a … [Read more...]
9 Questions to Ask Yourself if You Feel Stuck in an Unhappy Marriage
It’s unfortunate, but the world is full of people who feign happiness to keep up appearances. When you walk down the aisle and take a vow before your friends and family to stay with someone for the rest of your life, admitting that things are not working out as planned can be tough. Many would rather pretend than admit they are unhappy or that they feel stuck. Feeling stuck … [Read more...]
4 Keys to Forgiving Repeat Offenders and Getting the Love You Deserve in 2015
Recently there has been a lot written about the power of forgiveness. However, little has been written on forgiving offenses that often change the course of one’s life. So what do you do when the person continues the offense or refuses to apologize for past wrongs that they have done? Their past or current actions may include: children who were sexually or emotional abused, … [Read more...]
The Long Lasting Effects of Witnessing Domestic Violence as a Child
“Mom, what was your dad like?” I really didn't know how to answer that question when my daughter asked me. Do I tell her that my father was a monster that used to punch my mother in the face in front of me? Do I tell her about the time he beat our puppy to death (literally) because he peed in the house. Or what about the time he came up to my school and assaulted my 3rd … [Read more...]
Domestic Violence Month: Real Life Experiences & 8 Signs of Abuse
It could be the face of your next door neighbor, your mother, or the student in your class. Sarah - A bruised arm and a scarf around her neck that hides the scars where he swept her off her feet not because he loved her, but because his anger was out of control and with his bare hands he raised her small body off the floor hands wrapped around her neck. Rita – this was … [Read more...]
Four Lies We Should Stop Telling Black Children About Domestic Violence
NFL footballer Ray Rice was cut from the Baltimore Ravens today after footage was released of him punching his then fiancée, now wife, in an elevator earlier this year in Atlantic City. Opinions have swirled about whether or not the punishment from the NFL fits the crime. One thing that is not an opinion, but is instead a sobering fact: black women are twice as likely to die as … [Read more...]
7 Things Men Must Do to Stop Violence Against Our Women
I'm appalled, shocked, and frankly infuriated by the amount of clients I get that are experiencing domestic violence. "It only happened once." "But he loves me though." "Y'all just don't understand him." "I don't know what I would do without him…" These are many of the justifications I hear from women as they search for any and every reason to stay in an abusive … [Read more...]
Domestic Violence: Let Your Sisters Know You Have Their Back
When we get married, we all plan on staying married. After all, our vows specifically say that we are in this thing for better or worse. But what happens when the better doesn’t last that long and the “worse” goes beyond anything we ever expected? What happens when we find ourselves in an abusive relationship, and we truly cannot imagine a way out? This is a reality for … [Read more...]
What Would You Do If You Saw a Man Being Abused By a Woman?
by Theodore R. Johnson, The Grio While at dinner with friends, I noticed a nice-looking, well-dressed couple in the booth adjacent to ours. The conversation at our table, however, was interrupted by the hushed tones of a furious woman. “You’re using the wrong fork, idiot! Daniel — why are you so damn stupid?!” Our table could not believe what we’d just heard. But more … [Read more...]
VIDEO: Short Film Goes Inside of a Marriage with Spousal Abuse
There is no way around it. Spousal abuse is unacceptable in any way, form, or fashion. Yet, the harsh reality is, it exists in many marriages today. There is no faster way to break down a relationship and all connected than an abusive spouse. And there is no good end when spousal abuse is in a marriage. There are many forms of spousal abuse, although hitting is what most … [Read more...]
Kansas City Chiefs Tragedy: How to Recognize Signs of Domestic Violence
On Saturday, Kansas City Chiefs linebacker Jovan Belcher, 25, shot and killed Kasandra Perkins, 22, his girlfriend, and mother of his 3-month-old daughter before turning the gun on himself. The day before, Kasandra posted pictures to Instagram that told a very different story than the one that would unfold less than 24 hours later; pictures of Belcher, a happy father, kissing … [Read more...]
NY High School Students in Trouble for “Blackface” Skit of Chris Brown, Rhianna Fight
Students at Waverly High School in New York are in deep trouble after their jaw dropping skit during a pep rally, and not for good reason. White students made up with "blackface" did a satire skit on the domestic violence event involving Chris Brown and Rihanna. The "performance" was part of the school's annual competition for the title of "Mr. Waverly", but nobody's … [Read more...]
Stopping Domestic Violence is Everyone’s Business
In college, I befriended an industrious young man named John*, who I admired because of his entrepreneurial spirit. By the age of 22, he had already started several businesses and was paying his tuition with the profits. John was popular on campus, not only because he employed several students, but also because he was affable and fun to be around. John hired me as a writer … [Read more...]
A Girl Like Me
by Aja Dorsey Jackson After watching the Rihanna interview on Friday I went online to see what the masses had to say, as I usually do when I see something happen in the media. Although I was not surprised, it was still troubling to see the large number of Black women commenting online almost with contempt for the pop star. Despite the fact that we've all seen the pictures, … [Read more...]