Dear Dr. Buckingham, I have been dating this guy for a few years now and I am wondering if he is right for me. I want to be in a committed relationship and eventually get married one day. We have fun together and like to do a lot of the same things, but he never gives me credit for what I bring to the relationship. He comes across as being confident, but his behavior at … [Read more...]
3 Powerful Scriptures to Help When Your Child Starts “Smelling Herself”
At some point your child may start acting up or “smelling themselves” as the old folk would say. And when this happens, you may start to question your parenting skills. You may start to blame your spouse. However, understand that parenting is hard and no parent is perfect, so it's important to not blame each other. Instead, study the following scriptures. Proverbs 22:6 … [Read more...]
5 Very Personal Issues That Are Getting in the Way of Your Happily Ever After
Whether you find yourself single, married or somewhere in between, trying to build a healthy, lasting relationship isn’t always easy. It takes time and hard work. Furthermore, it requires a level of introspection that actually makes most people uncomfortable. But the more we are willing and able to take a closer look at who we are and how we move through the world, the more … [Read more...]
No Justice, No Peace? A Black Man’s Guide to Clinically Treating Your Suppressed Rage
Dear Dr. Buckingham, I am 38-year-old black father who wants to comfort and educate my 13-year-old son during these difficult times, but I am struggling myself. With the recent killings of Philando Castile, Alton Sterling and the cops in Dallas [Editor's note: this letter was written prior to the shooting of Terence Crutcher ] my heart has been heavy lately, and I have been … [Read more...]
How to Raise a Black Son in America: Part II; Tips to Grow Boys into Men
Last time, I shared with y’all my fears and frustrations about raising a black son in America. On the one hand, I’m excited about the possibility of being a parent. But, on the other hand, I wonder how my children will navigate a society that sometimes views them with an air of suspicion. So I decided to do some research. From a basic Google search, I only found one study … [Read more...]
Control, What Does it Really Represent in Your Relationship?
Is control the dominant force driving your romantic relationships, friendships or business partnerships? If so, fear is alive and well in your relationships. People create defense mechanisms, which manifest themselves as control issues or tactics because they fear losing someone or something they value. Control is not at all about the person being controlled. It is, however, … [Read more...]
Discipline or Fear – What Method Rules in Your House?
I grew up in a pretty strict home. Respect was required, kids were expected to do as they were told (no questions asked), and stepping out of line came with consequences. There is no question that I was loved deeply, but I also knew what my family expected from me and I tried my best to meet those expectations. My mother wasn’t much of a spanker. I actually only remember … [Read more...]
Stop “Waiting To Exhale”! Unpack The Emotional Baggage And Build Lasting Love
Are you free to love? We all say we want successful relationships. However, some people carry so much emotional baggage that it hinders them from freely loving the people in their lives. Emotional baggage is a term used to describe unresolved emotional issues, which can be detrimental to the individual. Relationships can be challenging enough without the added pressure of … [Read more...]
How the Fear of Rejection Can Stunt Your Growth and Keep You Single
The word says that God is love and His perfect love casts out all fear. We may find ourselves in a fearful place where taking a risk in being rejected keeps us from trying. When it comes to the single life and dating, we have to take these risks every time we go out. It's one thing to try and get shot down, it's another to not try at all out of fear of being shot down. I'm … [Read more...]
Singles: Are You Afraid of Your 30’s?
"You need to get on it; you're going to be 30 soon." If you're not age thirty yet or have reached that decade of your life already, you've probably heard something like that statement before. For some reason, age 30 seems to be the start and the end for many things in life for men and women. From a woman's perspective, if you're not married by 30 you have even more pressure … [Read more...]
5 Fears That Can Ruin Your Marriage
Fear is a beast. If you aren’t mindful, it just shows up wherever and whenever it wants, reeking havoc on your life and everything in it. Fear has this way of creeping up on us and stopping us in our tracks. It informs our decisions and stops us from becoming the best possible version of ourselves. If there is one thing we all need to get a handle on in our lives, it’s our … [Read more...]
Are Single Men Intimidated by Successful, Strong Single Women?
I post relationship questions on Facebook often for my followers and friends to share their opinions and foster healthy dialogue. One question that has come up in one form or another is this: Are single men intimidated by successful and strong single women? From personal experience, men have shown their attraction to me (the flirty looks and hilarious ways to start … [Read more...]
My Daughter is Growing Up – Dealing With My Own Painful Past
It was a warm summer evening with hints of Fall temperatures in the air as I sat on my sofa reading, I glanced outside and saw my beautiful little girl playing with her friends in the front yard. They were laughing and frolicking about and enjoying themselves as kids should. As I watched, I couldn’t help but marvel at their innocence. They are young and free, without a care … [Read more...]
Good Dad, Bad Dad
Growing up I feared, was in awe of and often detested my father. He was stern and mostly emotionless. If and when he did laugh it was at things that weren't funny. Now that I'm grown we are the best of friends. He is my confidant and my most staunch advocate. But back when I was under his roof and he was putting food on my plate, he often went upside my head first and asked … [Read more...]
Why Men Don’t Fear
by Eric Payne A few months ago I was sitting in church, not totally paying attention, when I softly spoke the following assertion out loud to no one in particular: "I'm no longer afraid." Now the interesting thing about this quiet self-confession was that I didn't know I was afraid of anything other than werewolves, Dracula, devil movies, hyenas, anyone with a gun pointed … [Read more...]