I recall crafting an article a few years ago which focused on marriage, wives and submission. The title was “When He Can’t Lead”. What I remember most was the reaction from so many women who struggled with the idea of having leading and husband in the same sentence. There were nearly 80 comments and the majority were from women questioning why men were automatically assumed as the leaders in the home. A few men chimed in, but their comments were definitely overshadowed.
Submission in marriage seems to be an ongoing battle. Those of us who practice Christianity learn about submitting to our husbands through our biblical study and application. It is clearly stated in Ephesians 5:22-33, as it reads:
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Those from different faiths, I am sure, have principles that are applied to their marriages as well.
Some wives are struggling with the word submission because they are stuck on what’s expected of the wife and not at all realizing the husband has a great responsibility in the marriage as well.
Many women are also concentrating on what they feel they might be losing, instead of understanding the bigger picture. Both partners have responsibilities in the marriage. The husband is required to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Now if we think submitting is the largest of those two sacrifices, we are mistaken. Submission is about yielding to the guidance of our husbands. Yes, it is about sacrificing, but marriage is about putting the needs of our spouse ahead of our own.
Independence also plays a role for those women who can’t submit. They’re more worried about what it says about them as a woman than the overall good of the relationship. Some are worried about the ego it might create in the husband.
We may also be questioning the word “authority” in the definition of submission and it causes us anxiety. When I think of submitting, trust, honor and respect come to mind and these are definitely qualities I want displayed in my marriage toward my husband.
Every marriage is different, what works for one doesn’t necessarily work for another. However, our marriages need a solid foundation. There should be principles in place to help keep us on track. The bottom line is some of us are too worried about why we can’t or shouldn’t submit. Our focus should be on what we need to contribute in order for our marriage to prosper.
BMWK, what role does submission play in your marriage? What are your thoughts on wives submitting to their husbands? How is submission displayed in your marriage?
Animate says
Let’s not forget the verses that comes before that, Ephesians 5:21 “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.”
Submission is a two way street. Both have to submit to each other depending on the circumstances.
Teresa Beck says
Ephesians 5:21 is the end of a sentence that begins in verse 18 that deals with relationships among members of a church family. Ephesians 5:22 begins the analogy between husbands/wives and Christ/church. If you think about it, the analogy doesn’t hold if 5:21 applies to the marriage relationship because Christ does not submit to the church — He is the head of the church. A wife’s submission to her husband is submission to God’s Word. Nowhere does the Bible teach that a man is supposed to submit to his wife or that Christ is supposed to submit to the church. We must be careful about reading what the Bible says rather than reading into the Bible what we think it ought to say. Submitting doesn’t make a woman “less than.” On the contrary, in our obedience to God, we demonstrate great strength that builds up our husbands and brings peace and trust to our marriages.
Niambi says
The scriptures state in Ephesians 5:21 to “submit yourselves one to another as unto the Lord.” When a married couple does this, it does not mean that as wives we are usurping our submission to our husband, but rather as further explained in 1 Peter 3:7 which states the following “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel (physically weaker), and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.” This scripture means that we are to value one another in our marriage and in our respective roles. A husband and wife are heirs together in the grace a life. A husband submitting to his wife does not overtake his position as the head of the household, but rather he acknowledges the God in her and allows her to be all that God has purposed and created her to be within her role of being a helpmeet.
Mr. J says
Your Preaching real good sista !
Lioness says
The Bible tells us that both husband and wife are to submit to one another. Also, a true leader (like Jesus) is someone who submits him or herself to the people they serve. You’re not a leader if no one is willing to follow you; and no one will follow you if you don’t have their best interests at heart and if you lead with an egotistical, authoritative, dicator type spirit. Jesus exhibited a SERVANT leadership style. Everything He said and did was in the best interest of the people He loved and was trying to save. His own interests, nay, his own LIFE in fact, were secondary. This means a husband who is a true servant leader will put the desires and best interests of his wife above and beyond his own desires and interests. While you’re talking about women submitting, are you making sure that men understand that very key aspect of leadership? Because if they truly did, I venture to guess many wouldn’t be so quick to embrace the role & claim the title of “Leader of the House!”
Anonymous says
@ Lioness, you said….
“While you’re talking about women submitting, are you making sure that men understand that very key aspect of leadership? Because if they truly did, I venture to guess many wouldn’t be so quick to embrace the role & claim the title of “Leader of the House!”
This is my point exactly. Many “Christians” are quick to through around the word submit but don’t expound of a husband’s responsibility. The author mentioned that submission is about sacrificing, I say it aint so. If a man is loving his wife like Christ loved the church, then HE is the one who will be doing most of the sacrificing.
Estelle says
I think defining submission biblically is important. The word has become so twisted, so usurped, so negatively charged that the idea of submission becomes difficult. It has come to mean make ones self less for the aggrandizement of another not for the building of both. The word has been used to demean, injure and harm. It is often seen as a position of weakness, giving in, being less than, not being strong enough. Is there any wonder why no one wants to be the one who submits? In truth we all, men and women, single or married, submit to something.
Given the way culture teaches and informs us on relationships rather than the church doing it from a biblical perspective it is not surprising that people are entering a biblical covenant with cultural understanding.
Stephanieb says
Excellent comment Lioness, you took the words right out of my mouth!
B says
I would love to sign in from facebook and leave a comment but then my s.o. would see it and it would cause a fight. Anyways I do believe in submitting to a certain extent, but in my case it’s hard to even consider keeping the relationship going. We’ve been together for 4 years, ups and downs, and even engaged once. He’s always tried to make himself superior to me and tells me to shut up in the smallest arguments or he will choke and hit me. Everything is my fault, I’m treated like a kid most of the time and I can’t even defend myself. He thinks that a woman was put on earth to be under her man and do whatever he wants If he’s bringing home the bacon, regardless of how she feels about it. If I don’t submit sexually, he will make a big fuss about it, abuse me sometimes and then go get it from someone else to ‘show me better than he can tell me’. First of all I don’t think it’s right to submit to someone that degrades me physically and mentally when he doesn’t get his way and thinks that because he has a piece of meat hanging between his legs that he is my superior. I’m a Christian but he on the other hand is skeptical about religion. First of all I will NOT submit to someone who is atheist in a way and especially abusive in all aspects. This article caught my eye and I had to vent some way on my relationship because there are many reasons why I will not (this is a great article by the way) . I refuse to be brainwashed by someone who calls himself a man. Especially when he’s put his hands on me throughout our relationship, through my 3 pregnancies with him, and only two children born alive and healthy. Sorry for the rant, but I think that a woman should submit to a man when he acts like one and treats her like a woman should be. There are too many men out here who think they should be put first when really their behinds should be put in their place.
Anonymous says
I was in a similar relationship before i got married. You should be with someone who shares the same religious views as you. It will cause numerous problems and struggles of YOUR FAITH if you dont be careful. The last thing you want to do is raise your children around violence. I noticed by son had started to act angry. Then we had a fight then ended with me having surgery on my hand and stitches in my face. Its time to go when things get physical he may end ur life whether purposely or by accident. And no do not submit to evil.
Teresa Beck says
Women are to submit to their own husbands, and Christians are not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. If this man is neither your husband nor a believer, dump him because, as a Christian, you are in disobedience by being with him. Wait for God to provide a man who is already walking in obedience. If He never does provide that man, let Him be enough.
Sorry to be so blunt, but I learned the hard way. Obedience to God is always best. As women, we’re quick to blame men for all of our problems, but we’re often the source of our own troubles because of all the compromises we make in the name of “But I love him!” Seriously, dump him because he will not change for you, no matter how much you love him.
1st Lady Evans says
Thank you for posting this article. It is a good reminder that came at just the right time for me. Thank you again!
Jeanette says
Yet another unbalanced article about submission…
tommy says
Why why why are you still with him. Use some wisdom and leave before you get killed. Stop venting about a situation you have control over. Use your feet, Walk.
Andrew says
Great article. Many women want the man to love her like Christ loves the church but it came with a condition for her to submit to him like she has submit to God. Women don’t struggle but rebel against God’s word. Her problem is not with a man but with obeying God’s word. This is one of the key reasons why a lot of marriages in the black community doesn’t last. Unfortunately, a lot of women think God made a man for a woman which is not true but he made a woman for a man. In no society, a king is never less important than a queen but a lot of black women feel that a black man is less important than she is. In order to get treated like a queen like the bible says, she must first submit to him and treat him like a king. Until women get back in line with God’s order, their marriages won’t be blessed or last.