Remember when Chris Rock did his bit in the “Never Scared” comedy special about how women always try to set their husbands up on “grown man play dates?” The audience roared with laughter as he went on about being stuck in a room with a man he didn’t know, simply because their wives said they both liked baseball. It’s the kind of joke that was extra funny because so much of it rang true!
I know I’m guilty of making attempts to connect my husband with the husbands of my friends whom I feel he’d get along with. I can’t speak for every wife, but for me and my married girlfriends, it all comes from a place of good intentions. We don’t expect you to approach friendship in the same way we do – by laughing, talking, and crying together for hours about life and love. A couple of beers, a pizza, and a quick, “You good?” is typically sufficient bonding for most men. We get it!
However, if you’re not a man that has friends he regularly spends time with that are also in loving, committed marriages – that can be a cause for concern. This is what leads to the truth about why your wife will try to set you up on grown man play dates.
The truth is: every husband needs accountability in ways their wives can’t give them.
Let me explain.
Marriage takes a lot of work and a whole lot of effort from both spouses to make it successful. An added layer to that is having a solid community of couples around you who can help walk you through the tough times and celebrate the good times with you.
As wives, we don’t want to be the only ones to tell you how to be a great husband. While our opinion is the one that matters most, we shouldn’t be the only people you hear from about how to navigate marriage. What ends up happening is that when things aren’t so great, we can be seen as nags and/or our feedback falls on deaf ears.
But if you’re out with one of your boys one night and he asks you, “Hey, man – when was the last time you took your wife out on a date?” Or, “Your wife fusses about how you load the dishwasher? That’s no biggie, mine does it all the time, too” – it can be received in a completely different way. There’s something to be said about being able to share with someone who understands the nuances of marriage. Moreover, there are certain pressures, stresses, and struggles you experience as men that women cannot relate to. It’s helpful to have a friend or two in your corner that can identify with your roles as a husband and leader and positively challenge you in those areas.
This isn’t an invitation to invite random people into your relationship or get caught up in the opinions of others. That’s not our goal as wives. What it’s about is having a network of a few good men around you that can support and encourage you as a husband. And often times for us wives, that comes easiest via the people we already know and are in relationship with.
We all need support. That’s the whole point of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com and why the creators, Ronnie and Lamar Tyler took it a step further and hosted their first cruise this year.
At the heart of it all, that’s why we get excited about seeing you link up with other like minded men who love their wives and enjoy being married. Let me be clear and reiterate that this applies to men who don’t already have these kinds of relationships. If you do, that’s a fantastic thing! Keep it up and encourage your brethren do the same!
As a wife, I value the small circle of women I can trust and who inspire me to be the best wife I can be to my husband. We only want the same for you. Strong marriages build strong families, and strong families build strong communities.
Tell us BMWK family: Have you and your spouse had the “grown-man-play-date” experience? How did it work out?