by Ayanna Black
Back in the day the old adage “it takes a village to raise a child” was in effect. There was a time when every child respected every adult. If a child was acting up in the streets it would be taken care of (so I’ve heard) and that child would be brought to their parent to then be reprimanded again. If a family didn’t have a meal and your neighbor did, everyone ate. There was just a strong sense of family in the community. However, at some point the bond was broken and the family feel of the community dissipated.
In this day and age no one can say anything to someone else’s child. The community trust isn’t there. We are now at a point where kids don’t even respect their parents let along another adult. So in thinking about this situation, I thought back to all the old stories I heard and read about and conjured up a couple ways that might aid in rebuilding the village:
1) Prayer
I believe prayer is a key component in bringing about that sense of family and community. If you look back in history and see how the majority of our leaders made it through diverse times, it was with the aid of prayer.
2) Love yourself
We have to get love back in the home starting with ourselves. Before you can love anyone else you have to love yourself. Look in the mirror and love who you see! Once you do that it’ll be easy to love others and share it.
3) Befriending our children and treating them as equals
We have lots of parents that treat their children as friends or equals. This may work for some but in most cases this isn’t wise. There just needs to be somebody in your life that you know you can’t play with nor talk to in any manner and that should be your parent.
4) Lack of knowledge of who we are as a people
If we truly knew and respected the sacrifice those before us made to get where we are today, I doubt that most things we see today would occur. There would be no coercion to vote or convincing kids to go to school and get an education. Those things would just be automatic in our minds.
If we try to incorporate some of these points into our daily lives, I believe the foundation of the family would improve. We would be less depressed by the news, experience less negative stereotypes and see more unity in our communities. I still believe in the old adage we just need to rebuild the village.
What do you think it would take to rebuild the village? Do you think you are better off raising your child without the help of your community?
I do my best to be nice to the kids in my neighborhood. I say hello when I see them and do a little chit chatting when I am outside. This usually keeps the peace between us and I don’t have to tell them to get off my lawn or call the police on them.
Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany
That’s a great start Tiffany. A lot of kids don’t respect adults because they don’t present themselves in a respectable way.
I do my best to be nice to the kids in my neighborhood. I say hello when I see them and do a little chit chatting when I am outside. This usually keeps the peace between us and I don’t have to tell them to get off my lawn or call the police on them.
Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany
Great post! I feel like I could write a whole book on this but I will try not to do it in the comment section-lol. Although I don’t remember the days of being reprimanded in the street by neighbors, when I was growing up we knew every family on our street and the majority of the families in the neighborhood. If you were acting up, even if you didn’t get reprimanded right then and there, everybody knew your mother so she was going to find out. Our church was around the corner and most people went to school close so there was a much stronger sense of community.
As an adult I only know the neighbors on both sides of me, which I know is true of most families these days. I go to a larger church and don’t know the pastor or most of the people there. I think as time has gone on our connection to others as a society, whether in our neighborhoods, in our churches etc. has dwindled. I think in addition to the things you mentioned, we have to rebuild our connections to the people around us. People had more invested in behaving like they were in a village and looking out for one another when it felt like we were in a village. It’s a lot harder to help raise someone else’s kids when you don’t know the parents or the child.
Right Aja! It’s also hard to help out when your family values don’t line up with those or other around you.
I think communities are changing in general. While I know everyone on my street, none of them have children my kids age so it’s harder to form relationships with them. Several families don’t speak English either so that makes it even more difficult.
However, with those that my kids are friends with, I do feel comfortable, correcting them (verbally) as I would my own children but I let their parents know what I did and why.
I also think people are less willing to help each other out because of our sue happy country! I have a friend who is a single parent with no relatives in our area. I happily pick up her daughter from school when I pick mine up (and several times when my daughter wasn’t even at school!), feed her dinner most days and take her to girl scout activities. I really think it’s up to us to be neighborly and help out others when they need it.
Finally, the village concept is hard for me because there are very few people that I trust with my children and I tend to keep them very close. My son is 17 and has a few friends that he hangs with on a regular basis. Even so, if he is going somewhere new, I make sure to meet one or both of the parents to make sure that the situation is safe. Although I think sometimes he resents it , he accepts that that’s how it will be. My daughter is 10 and only has a few friends who I will let her visit at this age and she only sleeps over at family member’s homes. Luckily, my oldest son has a daughter her age so she gets her sleepover fix! LOL!
We can be a village but with the lack of trust that exists in society, we have to be very careful about it!
Margaret
Points well taken Margaret. I’ve very protective of the triplets as well. Its very unfortunate that we have to be that way.
Great Points and wonderful post….
I agree wholeheartedly.. Our communities has changed, now not only are we involved in our local community we can be involved in virtual communities… And I think that is one of the ways we can address your last point ~ Lack of knowledge of who we are as a people ~ If we can engage with each other no matter the physical location to build that foundation that is so critical to our success, I believe we can start to rebuild that village we so deperately need to build…
I would be honored to participate in a community that is focused on rebuilding the village…
#LetsGetIt
Thanks, Roderick so would I. I wonder how effective a virtual community would be though.
I’m not sure how a effective community would be… But I believe it can be an essential component of a healthy community…
For Example.. I know a lady who lives on the west coast, although they have a local village, her daughter was applying to colleges all over the country… Through her network/community she was able to solicit advice, contacts, and recommendations from professionals all over the nation, hence a virtual community… I think the challenge is to build trust where the community can learn to rely on each other whether they are in close vicinity or not…
Once again I am not sure how effective one would be but I think it is definitely worth the effort to find out…
#LetsBuild
I recall a line from a joke by Moms Mabley when I was a teenager. She said, “Children don’t you believe none of those stories about the ‘good old days.’ I was there! Where was they at? You are living in the best times there have ever been.”
That was the late 50’s – early 60’s, and “the village” was alive and the source of strength and unity that propelled us into the Civil Rights Movement. For those of you too young to remember those times, I am just as puzzled about what happened to the village. There has been a “culture shift” within the Black community that has resulted in what Eugene Robinson calls in his recent book — DISINTEGRATION – The splintering of Black America.
In that village of old — doctors, lawyers, engineers, plumbers, carpenters, teachers, laborers, entrepreneurs, the rich and poor among us — lived together, and supported an internal upward mobility culture, based on family and community values. Now that community is fractured along class lines as the upwardly mobile have left the village. Along with their departure went family values and the decline of the urban poor (poor in spirit, in education, in skills, in wealth and values). Several new cutural trends have emerged that I don’t recognize — largely influenced by the hip hop generation. I fear that the village (of Africans in America) of my youth will be lost forever.
The recommendations above will help to reset some individual moral and cultural compasses, but the depth and breadth of influence that engendered trust in neighbors who had a genuine interest in all of our children requires a broad base of support. What is missing is the absense of a community compass which individuals can use to correct their course.
One comment mentioned the value of a “virtual village.” Perhaps forums like this can help restore a sense of community and the values that sustain a village.
That’s great! There is a model to follow.
Thanks for the insight Mr Madison! I’ve been speaking with older relatives about the subject matter and they mentioned some of the same things.
Honestly on my belief,the village have gotten to be big headed…it has grown to the point of being jealousy of other success,that they have forgotten where they come from…They’re letting greedy,over-power their minds,cause the older generation,didn’t raise their children’s that way… it’s that the world has change,the world is obese,that everybody wanted it all…and they don’t care,who toes they step on to get it…You know,Back in the days,We would walk to church,or ride on the back of a wagon,even on the back of an old truck…that was the villages,that was the days,when people care about each other,now the village,want give you a Hello,unless a ride…OPEN YOUR BIBLE AND READ…EX.20:3:17,AND BE BLESS…