When I was in undergrad at a primarily white institution, it was an inside joke among all the black students that we were the “sprinkles” on top the amazingly vanilla student body.
During freshman year, when I was frequently the only black student in class, it didn’t bother me so much, but the novelty of being the only one with brown skin (and brown experiences) wore off quickly. I was tired of being the de facto spokesperson for All Things Black. When a (usually well-meaning) white student would ask one of these questions, it was all I could do to not say, “Hold on””let me call Headquarters.”
Fast forward a few years and now I am a mom myself. And my daughter attends a small lily-white private school.
There, she is not a “sprinkle.” She’s more like the errant curly fry you find at the bottom of the bag when you ordered a large order of regular ones. When I say she’s the only black girl at her school, I mean that she is the only black girl at her school. To be fair, there are some Asian students and some Indian students. And when I say “some,” I mean about six.
I can’t even be upset about this, can I? I mean, I researched the school and toured the school and picked the school and sent in the tuition check to the school. I knew it wasn’t going to be too diverse. But the reason I chose the school is because I’ve known parents who’ve sent their kids there and they are thrilled about their child’s education. Plus, the school would let my daughter enter kindergarten at age four, whereas my local public school told me to come back in 365 days. I want my daughter to get a great education, and waiting another year to start that journey didn’t feel right for us. She was already bored in preschool and the teacher frequently sent her to sit in the older classes. Another year of that didn’t seem right. So we chose to send her to private school for kindergarten.
So far, the school is excellent in every way and her teacher is incredible. She came home a couple months ago with a photojournalism project “” a photojournalism project, people. In addition to teaching thirteen rambunctious kindergarteners every day, my daughter’s teacher also has a farm with chickens, a pumpkin patch, apple trees and more. Each year she bring the kids out there every year for a day of fun. They average about two field trips a month and the school is rocking my socks off academically.
And the race issue hasn’t even come up. Well, not really. She recently had a small issue at school where one of her (white, female) classmates insisted on touching her hair every day. I told my daughter to ask the little girl to stop. So my daughter did. The little girl’s response? “I just think your hair is so pretty.”
I guess I’m also using this as a teachable moment for my kids. They’re still young (5 and 3) so their concepts of race only go as far as “I have tan skin” and “she has red hair.” But as she gets older, those differences will become more apparent, not necessarily in her eyes, but as par for the course in society.
So far I’ve found a couple ways to keep me comfortable. I keep in frequent contact with the teacher, volunteering as much as I can so that I am a familiar face at the school (which I’d be doing anyway). Between chaperoning on the field trips and serving as recess monitor, I’m at her school enough where I feel I will be aware of any issues that may arise.
I want to make the best decisions for my kids that I know how. I know my daughter is a beautiful, smart brown girl who can thrive anywhere. I know this with every fiber of my being. And so does she.
How many of you found yourself in a similar situation? What do you do when the school of choice is not as diverse as you might have preferred?
Love the article. My daughter is in preschool so we are on the cusp of making the school decision. Right now her class is fairly diverse (3 AA kids, 3 Indian kids, 1 Asian kid and 6 white kids). The school we want to enroll her in is a small, private school that is not diverse. I’m a little nervous. My husband and I both went to a small, non-diverse college in the south, but we were in college..not elementary school. I’m nervous about her ability to cope with any issues that may arise at such a young age. Thanks for the advice in the article…very timely for me and my family.
Well my situation is kind of different because I went to a private school that was predominently black except for most of the teachers. We went on trips to the library every friday and out to dairy queen afterwards. We went to fern bank, the tennessee aquarium, and other educational and fun trips. I went to this school for a about 10 years, but the only thing about having a child in public school is that it does not really prepare them for the real world. I know that by personal experience when I hit public school for my 8th grade year. I was picked on for being different and these were by my peers (people of my same race) so while the educational aspect of private school is excellent it does not prepare a child for the culture shock of what the real world is like. If I could change anything about that experience I wouldn’t because it open my eyes to a lot of new and different things
Great article, Tara. I really could relate to your college experience. As far as my kids, we decided to homeschool. I wish there was a school like the one you described in our town, but there isn’t. We are still the minority. The diversity as it relates to skin color is from adoptions so the experiences are still somewhat diffrerent. I think as parents we just have to own our decisions and trust that it is right for our children and family. Diversity is a great thing, but realistically to get the education you desire for your child isn’t always provided in a diverse classroom.
I went to predominately white schools from Kindergarten on (as
one of a couple curly fries, not sprinkles, starting in 1985) and feel like I
could write a book on the topic-lol. Because of that, my feelings are mixed and
I dealt with a lot more than I knew how to convey to my parents at a young age.
A lot of it was less outright racism, and more me internalizing feelings about beauty,
confidence, etc. that came from not being around other kids like me, which
became especially difficult once we got to the age that girls and boys starting
liking each other.
Having been through the experience, and now having a
daughter in a predominately white school I would say that its just important
to remember that school is about a lot more than just academics.
Kids spend a lot of their day in school and what they learn about themselves
socially can mean just as much. I also know that my experiences at 5, when I only knew that I felt uncomfortable, but couldn’t express why, were a lot different than my experiences in High School when I understood a lot more about society and racism.
Whether or not to send your child to a
predominately white school I think depends on the child (Im making the
decision for my daughter, but will not for my son), your options, and the
parents’ ability to consistently and diligently drive home the messages to their
child about their own worth and identity as a Black student in that environment.
Didn’t mean to write a book but somehow I did!
The hardest thing to do is to explain to a child (whether it be mine or the students that I teach) that we aren’t allowed to do certain things because there are unwritten rules. I really pray/hope/wish (whatever faith one believes) that your child can continue to live in the pure world of a child for as long as possible.
I live in the south and my wife and I have tried to keep things kid-appropriate and keep their minds as pure to everything. We show them the greatness of positive policemen, firemen, lawyers/judges, etc. We shake their hands, acknowledge any soldier (in uniform) that we see and show them how awesome America is.
However, it changed when I had to explain to my son and daughter (7 and 4) that the reason Mr. Policeman decided to pull me over and scare all of us (half to death for 45 minutes) was because I was a successful man driving a car that the policeman thought I shouldn’t be. My 4 year old’s words of, “Daddy, why did he pull us over and talk mean to us?” cannot get out of my head. This is the reality of which a minority man lives in.I’ll continue to try to raise them in that “no-racism” world and I’m truly concerned that it will be worse for them when they experience it- without me- for their first time.
Any suggestions to keep the faith?
Having grown up in a similar environment (being the one or
two sprinkles J )
I can completely relate. While I understand the importance of stressing
positivity, you can’t raise them in the “no-racism” world
forever. You do a disservice to your children by raising them with the
illusion of a post racial society. The reality is that they will
experience racism at some point in time and they will need to cope with such a
situation with racial consciousness and pride. Perhaps slowly beginning
the discussion with AA history will give them a platform to understand and
value the beauty of race. Focusing on triumph and perseverance early rather
than problems allows them to gradually understand the dynamics of race and
also embrace diversity.
During our search for a school for our son, I soon realized that schools with large black populations were not “good enough” by my standards. Public school was never an option, so my search consisted of only private schools. Even though I focused primarily on “A”list schools, I did peruse the curriculum’s of a few “B” and “C” list schools. All the black schools fell into the “C” list category or lower due to marginal academics, and substandard facilities. Most of the schools focused not on exploratory learning, but instead used a curriculum similar to that in public schools, with a longer school day or or increased rote learning. There was nothing fresh or new, one school even boasted that they introduced homework to PK 3 children :(, and another administered midterm exams to PK and Kinder children.
All of the methods were antiquated, and the same as those used in charter schools to help low performing minority children to catch up with their same age white counterparts.
I abandoned the idea of applying to a predominately black school, before my search truly began.My search for diversity and excellent academics lead me to two choices, both “A’ list schools we applied to and were accepted to both. If we had not been so lucky, we would have had to apply to schools with less diversity, because the education that we want for our son, is not offered at predominately black schools.
My experience is a bit different. I grew up in NYC where if your parents could send you to private school they did. We were prepared for the real world because our classes were a mixture of the city we lived in. When I hit high school, I was still in private school and it was predominantly Black and Hispanic. We could count on one hand the white girls that went to the school which had 500 students. It wasn’t until I hit undergrad that I went to a public school that was predominantly white. That was the culture shock because I never had to worry about being “black” until then. We would joke about the situation because between undergrad and grad school we fit the entire black student body population in one room and that you could always tell which classes had black students when it snowed (We did not go out in that stuff.)
I don’t have kids as of yet, but when I do, I plan to send them to private school as I know they will get a great education. Color and race they can learn about at home.
I myself went to a a predominately white school district. I was in AP classes and so I was used to being the only one. It never really was a problem for me since I kept to myself but the other black students made it a big deal because I wasn’t around them because of the types of classes I took. So in my case it was the people who looked like me making it a big deal.
Great article. Let me start out by saying that we were in a similar situation. We are Black and Catholic and there are not many of those down here in TN. So when we wanted our 4 yr 3 month old son to start KG early we immediately hit the Catholic School trail. Our parish said that they would think about letting him go to their school early. But he would be the first and only black in the entire school! Not the entire class – the entire school!
My husband and I thought about it and pretty much said “No Way”! Diversity was too important to us to start him out on the most important journey in his young life. We did not want him growing up where he saw the diversity of white kids but never saw the diversity of black kids. We also believed that him being the youngest and smallest in the class was going to be tough enough – so we just did not want any more distractions.
So after searching, we found a nice catholic school in the inner city. It had about 50% white 30% black and 20% Asian and Hispanic from over 20 zipcodes. Our son flourished in this school as a well rounded smart and athletic kid from kindergarten to the end of the 4th grade.
For the 5th grade we decided to transfer him to a less diverse inner city catholic school that we felt was more in line with our views for his continued academic, athletic, and spiritual development.
He is now in the 6th grade and still performing at superior levels academically, athletically and spiritually. When I go to his school to volunteer for lunch – I see him in the cafeteria with his normal crew (3 white guys, 1 interacial guy and himself). He is very confident and confortable with his friends and they have more in common than differences at their young age.
We definitely belive that we made the right choice because even though he is now the only black kid in his class, he continues to flourish. With being exposed to other blacks and minorities in the academic arena as a 4 years til present – it has also helped him understand the importance of diversity while giving him the opportunity to see black boys and girls that he can use as a gage to understand differences within a race (ohter than through the eyes of family members).
He will continue on to a predominantly white catholic high school and we believe that he is well prepared for the differences and well as the commonality of Americans. Hopefully he will not have to combat any serious racial issues and it will continue to not be a distraction.
For some reasons black administrators have lowered the academic expectations at predominantly black schools to the lowest denominator. If we increase the standards and require the children to meet the standard regardless of there home situation Im sure we will see the majority of our kids test score’s more in line with the other races.
As long as you send her to Spelman…
Im glad that you posed this question. My son is the only fully black child in his class,there are three kindergarten classes there. There is one other child in one of those classes who is mixed,black and white. My child was traumatized seeing all of the white children in his class and him being the only black child,when he came home from school,he asked why wasn’t he white like all of the other kids and that he wanted to be white. I told him that black is beautiful and so was he and that he should be proud to be black. Well, that didn’t quite sit well with him,so one day while volunteering at his school ( I make sure that I am a regular there as well) and at recess my child was given chalk like the other children to draw on the ground,well my child picked up the white chalk and started coloring himself with the white chalk. I was mortified, I asked my child what was he doing, the other children answered for him saying that,my child was coloring himself ,he then said that he wanted to be white like the other children. I continued to let him know that his skin is so beautiful and that God wanted him to be the color that he is and that he cannot change to another color just because he doesn’t like his color. I tell you he’s still at the school,same situation, I won’t change schools,this is a great school academically,so I’ll just keep enforcing to him, that he is a beautiful black child.
I’m so happy to read this article. My son is entering the 2nd grade and my daughter is starting 3K, we have been at a small private school for the last 3 years. We had a few African American students the last few years but this year at open house I noticed we are the only ones. I struggle now because I wonder if I am in some way going to damage my kids. Everyone at the school is great to our family, My son loves it and I am the PTO Vice president this year, so I don’t feel any prejudice,but I wonder if this is going to have some negative effect on my children. I grew up in very much the same way, I grew up in Oklahoma went to Private Catholic schools my whole life and I was very often the only black face in the crowd. I had a wonderful life, but can say when I went to college I had a big culture shock and has a girl had some image problems. Public schools are not an option, and the other more diverse private schools in my area are WAY more expensive and has a stay at home mom it is something we can not afford. I just hope and pray we are making the right decisions for our kids.
“Only a fool would let his enemy teach his child.” Malcolm X
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