I spent last year adjusting to life as a work-at-home mom and I realize now that much of the stress was because I was trying to do two jobs simultaneously: parenting my kids to the best of my abilities and meeting all my clients needs at the drop of a hat.
I could have used some babysitting help but was too stubborn to admit it. Besides helping me out with my workload, having a regular babysitter would enable me and my husband to have some regular date nights where we actually get out of the house and enjoy some much needed quiet time away from the kids.
But I still resist hiring one. Here’s the reasons, er, excuses why:
1. I don’t really trust anyone with my kids. You hear so much about teachers abusing kids or coaches taking showers with the kids and it all makes you paranoid. I’d like to think I’m a good judge of character and I could stop anything at the first sign of abuse, but to me, that’s too late. I don’t even want the “warning signs” around my kids.
2. I always think to myself, “Do I really need the help?” Of course, the answer is yes (more help than you need is always better than less help than you need). But somehow, some way, I convince myself that my current system is fine, I have a husband, I can manage, our dates nights at home with Redbox aren’t that bad”...and then seven different major events happen on the same day and I find myself cursing the fact that I don’t have someone I can call.
3. I don’t really trust anyone around my husband. This one is so sad. Really? Like, am I that insecure that I won’t allow a relatively young woman come in, watch my kids and alleviate some of the load on my shoulders if that means she has to interact with my husband? It’s not that I think my husband is a babysitter magnet and they won’t be able to resist (he is pretty hot, though). It’s just”...I’m a woman and as the woman of the house”...I don’t know. Let’s come back to this one.
4. I don’t want to spend the money. I’ve searched the profiles on Sittercity or Care.com I don’t know how many times. The ones that I really like (tons of experience and glowing references, proficient in CPR and first aid, nursing or education students) always have the highest rates, which is understandable. They know they are in demand and that’s great. But I find it hard to add another expense to the budget.
5. My kids have a lot of”...quirks. And needs. And I guess the right babysitter can handle all that, but I guess deep down I like being the only person who knows how to warm up my daughter’s homemade eczema oil and how to rub it into the trouble spots (see also #1). I know my kids are high maintenance (they.need.attention.all.day.long) and I’d hate to have someone lose their patience with them. (Never mind that I do lose mine all the time.)
6. I honestly can’t decide if I want an older or a younger babysitter for my kids. I lean toward an older woman, because in my stereotypical mind she’d be the warm, grandmotherly type (I know my mom ain’t having that). Then I figure a younger childless woman would be cool because she’d have a lot of energy. But then I’d think, “We’re practically the same age. What does she really know about kids?”
My excuses are plentiful as you can see. So let’s talk, BMWK family. How many of you have a regular babysitter?
Cheryl says
GURL!!! I feel you on this one. I had the roughest time trying to find a babysitter I trust. Our kids are similar in age, but my oldest is special needs, so add to the list of requirements able to change a diaper on a 6 year old, administer medication, etc. SO, I tried a high school student – just for when I was doing school work. Not bad, but she went away to college. Back to square one.
I found a couple of school teachers through sittercity or care.com (don’t remember which). Both are special ed teachers (check!) in their 20s. I admit I was intimidated by one of them – she is absolutely stunning. My kids adore her, when she comes in, they are all smiles. So I suck up my insecurity, put on some lip gloss and go out with my husband. We can’t do it all that often, since it is pricey. I am paying $15-$20 an hour, so a simple dineer and a movie date night is $100 easy.
Tara Pringle Jefferson says
@Cheryl – Whew! I thought the ones asking for $12 an hour were high! LOL
Krista says
My husband & I were just talking about this a couple of hours ago, then i logged onto my email & saw this post! We were invited to a marriage retreat the end of next month & as good as it sounds, the thought of leaving my children behind makes me feel sick to the stomach. Our children are 13 years old, 3 years old, & 20 months. We have never been anywhere alone, other than taking the kids to daycare, & taking off during the week so that we could go on a date (which is only once a year). We occasionally had a couple high school girls to come over while we went out, but after the last episode, i have not allowed them to babysit. My baby woke up the next morning drenched from his diaper not being changed from the time that i left home that evening. I guess we’ve come to the conclusion that we will have to wait until they are older before we go anywhere alone.
Tonya Charles says
I feel for you. We have ALWAYS had sitters in rotation. I am unwilling to jeopardize my marriage again by not having strict couple time and date nights. We are blessed to have two on rotation right now, and a backup to them. They are both teenage girls who the kids love and are very responsible and are cheap to boot.
I applaud those that are with their kids all the time and can maintain their sanity. I’m not that person.
Gods_Man says
Our issue isn’t finding someone we can trust. It is finding someone that is willing.
Pat says
When our daughter was young, we had three babysitters (at different times), but they moved away, or went away to college. They were all good, because we always had the highest standards for anyone watching our child. When we had babysitters, it was very nice. When we didn’t, we made it work by putting her to bed, and spending time alone in the house together. This was/and is an issue close to my heart, as I am a VERY particular mother. Family members couldn’t help because we deliberately parented so that generational curses were broken. When you seek to do this, you’ve got to screen people who watch your kids with a fine-toothed comb!
Now that she’s a young teen, this concern for her well being has transferred into being concerned with who she spends social time with. As an older child, it’s still important that she spend time in the company of people we want her to emulate.
This aspect of parenting is difficult! There’s no easy way around these issues. Every couple has to do what’s best for them. We sacrificed for awhile, and now that our daughter is older, and has her own schedule, we have more time to enjoy one another without focusing on parenting.