How does your wife compete with the other woman when the other woman is your mother? She can’t nor should she have to. A mother has her place and a wife has her place. The two positions are distinctly different and should complement one another not compete. Fellas, you set the tone for this relationship between two very important women in your life. If you don’t know by now, having your wife compete with your mother is a bad idea. It’s not your sole responsibility but you play a part in ending the mother-in-law drama.
Why Making Your Wife Compete With Your Mother is a Bad Idea
In this article:
Your wife should not feel as if she comes in a close second. Allow your wife to have her position and your mother to have hers. Your mother cannot be your wife and your wife cannot be your mother. When you married you said, “I do” to leaving mama ‘nem and placing your bride first.
Single men take note.
If you are not ready to do this you are not ready for marriage. In the castle called your home there is only room for one king and one queen. If this seems like a small deal to you but a big deal to your wife, trust me on this one – it’s a big deal.
Order has to be established.
If there is a track record of placing mom before your wife, she may try for a little while to compete for her rightful position. But that will soon fade and turn into resentment and frustration. You don’t want her rightful desire to be the queen of her castle to wane into finding another castle to go play house in.
Your marriage is a beautiful thing.
There will be times when you have to tell mama no or I’ll catch you next time because my queen has other plans. Having your wife compete with your mother for your attention sets your marriage on the road to destruction, and fast. There will be times when you have to tell mama no simply because your queen just wants to be with you. Competing for your time, your attention, and your affection will place two of the most valuable women in your life against one another. Perhaps you have not been aware of this. Now you know. Respect both your mother and your wife and make the proper space in your life for each one.
Your wife is strong in her own right.
Don’t mistake her frustration as whining or needing attention. You know your wife. You know your actions. You know your situation. Now be honest with yourself. Do you need some improvement in this area? Turn the tables and think if she placed someone before you, what would that do to you? Regardless of how strong she is, to have your wife compete with your mother weakens her role in your marriage.
My encouragement to you is to think about what it takes to keep your home happy. Your wife understands how valuable your mother is to you. Don’t pin them against one another with actions that have not been well thought through. Many times our actions can be on autopilot and it’s not until a focused look is taken that you realize some things need to be changed. If needed, sit down and have a talk with mama so that she understands you love her no less, but there is a new woman in your life and she is called your wife.
How can she compete with the other woman when the other woman is your mother? She can’t nor should she have to. Your mother raised you, that job is done. Honor mother and respect the one you come home to every night. Help to end mother-in-law issues by fixing the husband and wife issues.
BMWK – Take a look at your situation with fresh eyes. Are you okay in this area or is it time for some changes?
Up Next: 10 Ways to Survive Your Marriage When Your In-Laws Hate You
Editor’s Note: BMWK originally published this post on June 18, 2014. We have updated it for quality and relevancy.
I like this article, but what do yo do when the mother in law lives in your home. Whenever my husband wants something that I do not he simply gets his mom to go along with it. Then he does it anyway. I feel like now I live in a plural marriage. I feel like just walking away. I have lost my say in my marriage and now she has taken that role. I am only here for him to have sex with and she is the one he confides in.
I don’t think that I could live like that. You deserve someone who cherishes you.
I just don’t agree with the way you look at it. I believe that the mother becomes a mother for both of them. The mother can handle it to support the marriage and guide them through the bumps. She can counsel both and look at both sides. She can be on the outside looking in if this is a mother that wants her son to succeed. I agree if the mother has motives to keep her son with her then she needs to be checked. When woman push their mother in law out and then come call her when they can’t handle their husband then it feels like use on the mother in law. You can not be pushing me out and then come calling me later. Mother in laws have feelings too!! We are people and you can’t push us out like we want to be married to our own sons!! Please get a grip! I am not the other woman. I will love and protect you two as one but you are not going to keep my son out of my life and then come call me with a relationship of me and you against my son!! No thank you. The job of the mother in law is to support them through their hard times and help to keep the marriage afloat. Its not black and white like as a mother I am suppose to just not be in dialouge with my own son! Its starts off feeling uneasy for the new bride but once she develops her relationship with his family and not have that attitude that she is now the queen then its easier for family support and building relationships within the family!