A single black woman that I’m friends with on Facebook posted an encounter she had with two separate men. It lit up a firestorm of men vs. women in the comments. Two men from her past, in two separate conversations, both claimed that they were interested in her and wanted to ask her out, “but she never gave them a chance.” She frustratingly replied to both of them, “You never ASKED for a chance!”
See…her assumption was, if a man wants to go out with you…all he has to do was ask a simple question, ‘Would you like to go out?’. Was she wrong? Is it really that simple?
The fact is, some men have game…and some men don’t? Some guys know exactly what to say to a woman…and others are seized by fear and paralysis of analysis just to come up with an opening line? For men, this is very frustrating because it hinders their dating/love life. Take a man we’ll call Duman for example,
Last Friday, I was in Friday’s sitting at the bar eating dinner. I stumbled into a conversation with the guy sitting next to me about women. Duman is a 44 yr. old, tall, clean shaven, slender build, divorced gentlemen originally from West Africa. But Duman has no game. Self admittedly so. He cited an incident where one day he was sitting in a lobby in front of a beautiful woman. Every time he looked up, she was looking at him. But he didn’t know what to say to her. When he got up to leave, she stopped what she was doing, looked up, and said “How are you doing?” “I’m fine. How are you?” he replied. And then walked away. When he got to his car, he beat the steering wheel ferociously because he regretted missing the opportunity to ask her out.
For a woman, this is frustrating…because, all she wants is someone who has the gonads and the confidence to step to her like a man and say the right things to get her to go out with him. So here’s the #1 reason why a man is afraid to ask a woman out…and the four things woman can do about it without playing herself.
Lack of Confidence
Men date out of their confidence level. What I mean is…a man who acquires knowledge in knowing what to say, what to do, how to carry himself socially, and what to do sexually with women…builds up a certain level of confidence in himself. An experienced man will exude a high degree of confidence…because he knows what to do and how to handle himself in any situation with a woman. To him, rejection isn’t a deterrent. And to women, this confidence is sexy…even if he is not physically.
But for the man who has limited experiences, he has a low level of confidence in how to handle himself socially and sexually with women. So he’ll play-the-wall in social setting…hoping to build-up enough confidence to eventually ask a woman out. Or he’ll make statements like, ‘I was going to ask you out but you never gave me a chance.’
Speaking of my friend…what is she suppose to do? How can she…and you…avoid being told this in the future?
1. Build Up His Confidence
His confidence is the key. The only way to remove the fear is through social experiences with women. So engage him socially. You don’t have to seem desperate or pressed…just friendly. The more interaction he has with you, the more confident he will be come.
2. Challenge His Manhood
No man wants his manhood challenged…especially by a beautiful attractive woman. But sometimes, the right kind of challenge prompts a man into action. Now…don’t go calling him out in front of a bunch of people. Rather, privately challenge whether he’s scared to ask a woman out. Challenge if he even knows how to ask a woman out. Then have him role-play with you to check out his game. Tweak it to your liking…if you like. Depending on how savvy he is, he might build up enough confidence to ask you out.
3. Correct Him Privately
If you see him doing or saying something that’s socially awkward or a turn-off to women, pull him aside and playfully tell him how stupid that was. A great line to use is “If I was on a date with you, I would feel…” Then tell him what he should’ve did/said that would’ve been more palatable or attractive to women. He will endear himself to you and build his confidence at the same time.
4. Humor Always Helps
Being humorous makes you more likable. You don’t have to be a standup comedian, but play up your funny side. If you can make a man laugh, he will want to be around you more. And more exposure to you…means more confidence for him.
Confidence is intangible. But its presence…or lack thereof…is very real. It shows up in the presence or absence of ‘game’. Men feel it…but women experience it. And in the case of my friend, she experienced its absence because those men didn’t feel it.
BMWK – As it pertains to a man’s confidence, which have you experienced more: its presence or its absence? And what do you think can be done to increase a man’s degree of confidence?