by Angela Fitzgerald,
Due to my age I am admittedly a little behind the general population when it comes to my love for the music group ‘New Edition’. I love them, can listen to their music for hours on end, and even sat front row during their reunion tour (and yes, that included Bobby) a few short years ago where I was handed a rose by Johnnie….swoon! Fandom aside, I can definitely appreciate any artist who puts out music with quality lyrics. One of my favorite New Edition songs happens to do just that. ‘You’re Not My Kind of Girl” relays the sentiments of a man who encounters an amazing woman, yet can honestly admit to himself that she’s just not his kind. The chorus goes a little something like this:
Sorry, you’re not my kind of girl
You’re the kind of girl that a man’s dreams are made of
Sorry, you’re not my kind of girl
You’re the kind of girl that a man would be proud to call his own
How many of us can relate to the above? During my dating tenure, I can say that I have met some amazing men. Correction – I have met some amazing Black (and a few non) men, from all walks of life, all of whom I believe are great people and some of whom I have been able to remain friends with to this very day. All of these men have redeeming qualities about them, were hard workers, providers, were family oriented, educated, and the list goes on and on.
Now I know what you’re thinking – if these guys were so great, as I’ve claimed they were, then why didn’t it work out between us? The answer to this is simple, they were just not my kind or vice versa. Compatibility is a quality that I find important, and when dating I try to pay close attention to how compatible he and I are.
For example, I’m a pretty goofy person who tries not to take myself or life too seriously, and can easily find a couple hundred things to laugh about on any given day. Someone who is more serious may not be a good fit for me. Also, I’m pretty out-of-the box, abhor routine and enjoy trying new things. A man who enjoys following a strict pattern when it comes to life may not be a good fit for me. Notice the emphasis that I’ve placed on each of those statements as I don’t believe there was anything inherently wrong with that individual. Instead I can be honest in admitting that, while still amazing, he may be better suited for someone else. The same can be said for me, as I understand that not every man may find my dry humor and acerbic wit attractive…and that’s ok 😉
Acknowledging that you’re not someone’s kind does not mean that you’re no one’s kind, or that you need to change anything about yourself – quite possibly you haven’t met the right one yet. I like to use the phrase “There’s a lid for every pot” to illustrate the point that there is someone for everyone. Now, this isn’t suggesting that we should not continually look to improve ourselves and become better people – because we should and independent of our relationships status.
But I am suggesting that you are enough, just as you are, and the right person will appreciate you – all of you. So get out there, have fun meeting and interacting with new and different people while learning about yourself in the process. Because you never know…you guys might just click, and end up singing & practicing the choreography to another New Edition song together – with matching leotards* and all 😉
*for those of you who are unfamiliar with my song reference, please checkout ‘If It Isn’t Love’ below and you’ll know see I mean.
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Angela Fitzgerald is a blogging enthusiast who covers as a social science and policy researcher by day. She is passionate about encouraging others to pursue their passions, and you can catch her writing about things that motivate and humor her, as well as random occurrences in her life, at differentnorm.com.
Kisha says
Thank you Angela for this amazing article. I too am going through this very stage in my dating life. And for sometime now, men would come and go and I would contemplate whether it was me or not. And I’ve relaized that its ok to not be into someone and they not be into you either.I even thought about changing who I was because I thought that its got to be me LOL. But no way I am a wonderful woman of God, and will continue to better myself until my prince comes my way. Good men I’ve met, very great guys but they do nothing for me in the way that I need them to as a friend or long time partner. Defiantly needed to hear this article!
LaRonda says
I have heard this so many time; You’re such a great girl, woman, etc. etc, BUT…. the key is always in the BUT!
Anonymous says
This article is very timely!