Have you ever met someone that was only in your life for a moment, but in that brief moment they were able to say or do something to positively impact your life. I had such an opportunity recently at a conference. There was one woman that I sat next to throughout most of the conference. During lunch,dinner and breakout times,we had the opportunity to talk about our husbands and kids. In one of our conversations she said: “I am making a concerted effort to be present in my relationships, especially when it comes to my kids. When they are talking to me, I have to stop and make sure that I see the whites of their eyes. No more texting or working or watching TV during the times that I am supposed to be spending with my kids.” That sent a chill up my spine because it hit home.
I only have a few hours a day to spend with my kids. I spend 2.5 to 3 hours with them in the mornings and then they go to daycare. After work, there are no more than 4 to 5 hours to spend with them before bedtime. So why would I spend any of that time working, or searching the web, or looking at Facebook, or talking on the phone, or watching TV. It beats me.
But I have to admit that I went through a period where I was not giving my kids my un-divided attention in the evenings. I was working or taking conference calls or just plain busy doing other things. I was physically there…but I was far from present. The kids would walk up to me and say mommy can I do this…and I would answer…And sometimes I did not even know what I was agreeing to. This had to stop.
My husband and I talked about my work situation and we prayed about it. We both agreed that I would tell my manager that I had to move off of my current assignment. I could no longer work on a project that required me to work in the evenings (my team was in Australia…totally different time zone with no overlapping business hours.)
This was risky, because in this current job market there was a good possibility that there was no other assignment for me to move to within my company. As always, God made a way and my manager found another project for me almost immediately. Now, when I shut off that computer at the end of the work day, it is off. And if I really must do some more work or if I want to search the web or mess around on Facebook, it has to be after the kids go to bed.
But work isn’t the only thing that can prevent us from being present for our kids. People are watching television, talking on the phone,or just claiming to be tired ” I worked all day now leave me alone.” And I can relate to being tired after work. When I get off of work, I would love to be able to grab something to eat, sit on the couch, and watch the nightly news and Access Hollywood. But that’s not possible. I have four children that need my undivided attention and my energy for a few more hours.
As Rev Run says in his book Take Back your Family, you have to : “Be A Beast For Your Family.” He received this inspiration to be a beast from Will Smith’s example : After a long day of shooting, Will Smith returned to his trailer only to find a group of kids waiting outside. Although his body was aching and he was tired from working all day, and it was dark and raining, Will found the strength to go back outside of his trailer to see his fans. He found the strength by telling himself that “I’m a beast.”
“The incredible thing is, we all have that beast inside us. We all have the strength to dig in and take on whatever task is in front of us. It’s just that sometimes we forget what we are capable of. So whenever you feel that urge to evade or sidestep what your family needs from you, just think of Will Smith standing out there in the dark rain and remember, “I’m a beast, too.””
–Rev Run and Justine Simmons, How to Take Back Your Family, 2008, pgs 152-153.
BMWK Family – Are you really present for your kids? Since school is about to start back up, we thought this would be a perfect time to remind our BMWK family to “beast” out when comes to our kids!!! Please share with us how you ensure that you are present for your kids. Also, how do you find the strength to take on all of the responsibilities of parenthood?
Great post!
I can relate 100% about not always beeing present when other family members are requesting some of your time. My son is 1 month shy of turning 3 and he requires a lot of time/attention. I noticed some months ago that I wasn’t paying enough attention to the little things within my home so I made the decision/sacrifice to delete Facebook as well as my e-mail account off of my cell phone (although it was hard). This may sound small but it really was an adjustment. I noticed that everytime my phone would chime, I would almost instantly check my status updates or logon to my e-mail account to stay abreast of anything that I thought I maybe missing.
I eventually have come to realize, the only thing I was actually missing was the small intimate moments that I use to reserve for my husband and son (thats huge)! Now I can honestly say that my son seems to appreciate the time that we sit in the front yard and watch him ride his bike and the summer days of playing on his water table. If only for an extra hour a day….that personal time could do wonders for bringing a family together.
Yeah I also agree that I am guity of being there but not present… 2 Jobs, Blackberries, Xboxes, Internet and etc – all rob my sons and wife of the few hours they have with me and I with them…
I know I am consciously making an effort to put the Blackberry and laptop in another room altogether and just spend time with them.
I like that phrase “Be a Beast for Your Family”. It is very easy to become wrapped up in everyday demands, but like you said we must make the time. Sometimes it takes a hard sacrifice, giving up something we really love doing, but we only have one chance in raising kids. We might have a second chance at looking at a TV show that we missed, and even a second chance at a career opportunity that we want to pursue, but there is only one chance at raising our children.