Four years ago, I can clearly remember committing to sexual abstinence. Up until my 30th birthday, I was officially a 30-year-old virgin. While this may be shocking for some, I know A LOT of women were in the same boat with me. I struggled with sharing my story, because of people’s doubt and disbelief. Then it dawned on me that I’d be remiss not to give all the glory to God for what HE did in my sex life. So, here it is.
In this article:
- Abstinence and Holiness
- Realizing I Was Worth the Wait
- No Compromise
- Sex and Its Consequences
- Awkward Exes
- Spiritual Benefits of Abstinence
Why Practice Sexual Abstinence Before Marriage
Abstinence and Holiness
My family always calls me scary, and it’s semi-true, lol. “What was that noise?” “Why is that man standing over there?” I was known for being overly cautious. I guess my fearful ways spilled over into the bedroom because the thought of having sex scared the crap out of me. See, if you think I’ve remained a virgin because I’m super holy, you’re completely wrong. There are no celibacy rules to strictly follow.
Realizing I Was Worth the Wait
I was scared until the age of 15. It was then I started dating a guy I really liked. It wasn’t long before he began to put the pressure on me about wanting to have sex. This is when I really began to contemplate doing it.
I still don’t know if my step-father’s intuition informed him of what was happening or if he found a note in my room. I believe it to be the latter, lol. All I know is my step-father took me out and asked me a million questions about this situation.
Let’s not get it twisted, he wasn’t trying to badger me AT ALL. In fact, he was schooling me on how to handle this immature high school situation. That’s because we both knew I didn’t want to have sex with my boyfriend, but I didn’t want to lose him either.
I took his advice, informing my boyfriend that I was worth the wait. Well, apparently he didn’t think so, and we broke up. I lost my BOY, but I kept something so precious that is only worth giving to a MAN…my virginity.
No Compromise
Well, two years later, at the age of 17, God got ahold of my heart and I completely gave my life to Christ. I realized I couldn’t do anything outside of God and without Him, my life was pointless. Pretty deep for a 17-year-old, right?
Now, I wasn’t perfect. I dated my fair share of guys and kissed a bunch of frogs. However, I never compromised my Christianity by having sex before marriage.
I remember when a family member THOUGHT they knew about me sleeping with someone they knew. There was another situation when a guy I was dating lied, saying we slept together. And of course, there are the smart comments people would make every blue moon about me NOT being a virgin. I’ve ignored them, but let’s be clear: I heard them LOUD and CLEAR, but I’ll address that later.
Sex and Its Consequences
We’re all grown here, right? I hope so. Did you know when you have sex with someone the 2 of you become 1? “For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” (Ephesians 5:31)
When you become one with someone, it’s HARD to let them go. That’s because your body was never meant to become one with a random person in the first place.
Sex is a beautiful thing. However, it’s so beautiful and precious that God put a fence around it to protect it. That fence is marriage. Also, did you know that sexual immorality is the ONLY sin referenced to as “sinning against your own body”?
“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commit are outside the body, but whoever sin sexually, sins against their own body.” (1 Corinthians 6:18)
Who really wants to sin against their own body? I’m so thankful that these were the type of conversations and bible studies I had the privilege to be involved in —that encouraged me to abstain from sex before marriage.
Awkward Exes
A few years ago, I ran into the ex-boyfriend who was pressuring me to have sex. He saw me crossing the street and honked to get my attention. We exchanged a few words and that was that. As I laid in bed later on that evening, I couldn’t help but feel extremely grateful to God.
What if I had broken down and given him my virginity? Only to randomly run into him on the streets years later. No, ma’am. I totally dodged a bullet. But when I think things over, it would have been like that for EVERY relationship I was in, with the exception of my fiancé.
Let’s face it, none of those relationships was leading to marriage. They all resulted in me being insecure, feeling rejected, and heartbroken. I’m almost sure the pain would have been worse if I’d given myself to them physically. Talk about an ungodly soul tie for real.
Spiritual Benefits of Abstinence
It’s funny how society tries to flip the script and make it seem like if you’re not having sex before marriage, you’re being uptight and ridiculous.
Listen, God knows what He is doing. He’s sparing us from a whole lot of unnecessary drama: single parenting, STDs, broken hearts, etc. However, we’re only human, and I’m aware that this type of drama, unfortunately, occurs in marriages sometimes. We never understand why, especially when people commit their life to someone before God, family, and friends. All we can do is pray.
Now, I’m no angel, and I don’t want you to think sexual abstinence was easy. It was HARD. I remember praying to God like “I’m getting too old not to be sexually active. A sister has needs.”
Let me tell you, our wedding date was September 06, 2014, and I was BEYOND ecstatic. I would finally see the light! I was giving my husband a gift no one had EVER gotten from me. It was so worth the wait, but I can’t stress enough that it was solely the power of God. He can keep you if you want to be kept.
Upholding a vow of celibacy until marriage will make your future spouse feel even more special and important. This is why I decided to share my story or shall I say, testimony, with you.
Being a virgin in your 30s is something to be proud of. Check out Msnaturally Mary’s story here:
I was once a 30-year-old virgin, and I don’t care if people believe me or not. All I can do is to give glory to God and speak on what he’s done. Of course, it seems impossible to remain a virgin in a sex-driven culture, but my God is greater. Purity is possible, and you are so worth the wait.
The need to feel loved isn’t confined to marriage or even romance—everyone has a desire to be fulfilled by meaningful relationships and unconditional love. Click here to find out what your “Love Language” is as a single.
BMWK – Did you wait until marriage to have sex? I’d love to hear your experience about sexual abstinence below!
Up Next: 4 Benefits To Waiting Until Marriage To Have Sex
Editor’s Note: This post was originally published on June 25, 2014, and has been updated for quality and relevancy.
Powerful testimony right there! I thank God I waited until I got married. Been married for 10 years I’m 33 years old now. In my case both my husband and I waited for each other. I was His first and He was my first. It was not easy but I had made a promise to God that I will keep my virginity until I get married and he help me honour my promise to Him. Blessed with 2 beautiful kids and now praying for my daughter(6yrs old) to wait until marriage. Waiting till marriage was the best thing I have ever did for myself and for my marriage. To God be the Glory!
Glad to know that I’m not alone. I am a real life 40 year old virgin and I choose to be so because of spiritual beliefs as well as the emotional turmoil that can come with premarital sex. I will admit that it has gotten harder to maintain this standard, especially in my 40’s, but I still have faith that God hasn’t forgotten about me and that my husband is out there..somewhere 🙂
Beautiful testimoy. I lost my virginity at 17. I am now 27, a mother to a 4 year old. I so wish I knew then what I knew now, but I know now what I know to pass it on to my children and have been re-saving myself for quite some time for marriage. In due season…
But for those who are still virgins, keep your virginity. You aren’t missing out on anything special if it’s not with your husband. If you aren’t a virgin and want to re-dedicate yourself to the Lord, no time like the present.
Hey Nikki, I’m older than you (wink) and I’m over here also still waiting… You are right about a few things it’s not lonely at all. I actually know quite a number of female virgins in my circle over and around the age of 30. I guess we attract to each other like magnets. Plus, my sexually active friends are really supportive as they are always sharing with me another mutual friend who they know too that is a virgin. LOL. We should start a secret society.
Gosh, lets not talk about the men who try you and get pissed when your firm in your decisions, oh wait… you just did. LOL. Question is where are the virgin men? I have a friend who wants to marry a virgin man but I’m like guurrrrllll God is going to have to spit him out of the belly of a whale from a distant land.
I’ve always wanted to conduct my own independent study as to male virgins. I guess because women are the life bearers, we are also looked at to hold up the virtue of “holding out”. But I digress… thank you so much for sharing your testimony and congrats on your engagement I pray your marriage is blessed by you obedient heart of wanting to honor God in this way!!!
Happy Birthday bytw!!!
I waited until I got married…..I shoulda kissed more frogs. I love my husband but regret my lack of diversity
Lindiwe – Why are you only praying for your daughter instead of both your children? Why are you putting the responsibility of sexual purity just on her? Isn’t this contributing to the problem?
What happens if you maintain your virginity until wedding night and your unable to consummate?
What happens when you wait until your wedding night to maintain your virginity and your unable to consummate your marriage? Then what?
Thank you for sharing! I am a 32yo virgin committed to waiting for marriage to have sex. Though my commitment is sure, living it out can be lonely. I am the only one in my circle and sometimes long for conversations and fellowship with others who understand my lifestyle. Congratulations and thanks, again, for sharing and making me feel less alone.
Don’t ever regret not having more frogs. Trust me it’s overrated and very very dangerous. Stay faithful before stay faithful later.
Born in 1981 here, and intending to only be with my husband…. who is very hard to find…since I’ve never been out on even a date! At first I wasn’t bothered because I had school, and then grad school and then work, and then projects and assignments to improve my payrange, but now I would like to be in an area that actually has a dating scene…
I also have to say, the schools I attended (Ivy league ones) made me really turn even more towards waiting – the one night stand hook-ups, the men calling girls over at 11pm, 1am for sex, and then telling them to go back to their dorms/apartments by themselves afterwards because actually sleeping together is too much intimacy (!), while telling my friends they deserved better, I also decided I wouldn’t settle for anyone other than a man who wants me as his wife…. After going through grad school, that’s expanded to also including a man who is also a virgin – seeing these guys parade as studs, and the string of people they sleep with between thursday to saturday has left me quite jaded.
Anyway, it is nice to see other women who aren’t sluts, women who believe that a union should include marriage (& if the guy ends up being a jerk, divorce him and move on!)
Hi Nikki, is there any way I contact you personally like through email? I’m a 24 year old male virgin who is dating a 25 year old female and she’s got a past which makes it hard for me to feel comfortable with her. Can I please talk to you about this?