Four years ago, I can clearly remember committing to sexual abstinence. Up until my 30th birthday, I was officially a 30-year-old virgin. While this may be shocking for some, I know A LOT of women were in the same boat with me. I struggled with sharing my story, because of people’s doubt and disbelief. Then it dawned on me that I’d be remiss not to give all the glory to God for what HE did in my sex life. So, here it is.
In this article:
- Abstinence and Holiness
- Realizing I Was Worth the Wait
- No Compromise
- Sex and Its Consequences
- Awkward Exes
- Spiritual Benefits of Abstinence
Why Practice Sexual Abstinence Before Marriage
Abstinence and Holiness
My family always calls me scary, and it’s semi-true, lol. “What was that noise?” “Why is that man standing over there?” I was known for being overly cautious. I guess my fearful ways spilled over into the bedroom because the thought of having sex scared the crap out of me. See, if you think I’ve remained a virgin because I’m super holy, you’re completely wrong. There are no celibacy rules to strictly follow.
Realizing I Was Worth the Wait
I was scared until the age of 15. It was then I started dating a guy I really liked. It wasn’t long before he began to put the pressure on me about wanting to have sex. This is when I really began to contemplate doing it.
I still don’t know if my step-father’s intuition informed him of what was happening or if he found a note in my room. I believe it to be the latter, lol. All I know is my step-father took me out and asked me a million questions about this situation.
Let’s not get it twisted, he wasn’t trying to badger me AT ALL. In fact, he was schooling me on how to handle this immature high school situation. That’s because we both knew I didn’t want to have sex with my boyfriend, but I didn’t want to lose him either.
I took his advice, informing my boyfriend that I was worth the wait. Well, apparently he didn’t think so, and we broke up. I lost my BOY, but I kept something so precious that is only worth giving to a MAN…my virginity.
Well, two years later, at the age of 17, God got ahold of my heart and I completely gave my life to Christ. I realized I couldn’t do anything outside of God and without Him, my life was pointless. Pretty deep for a 17-year-old, right?
Now, I wasn’t perfect. I dated my fair share of guys and kissed a bunch of frogs. However, I never compromised my Christianity by having sex before marriage.
I remember when a family member THOUGHT they knew about me sleeping with someone they knew. There was another situation when a guy I was dating lied, saying we slept together. And of course, there are the smart comments people would make every blue moon about me NOT being a virgin. I’ve ignored them, but let’s be clear: I heard them LOUD and CLEAR, but I’ll address that later.
Sex and Its Consequences
We’re all grown here, right? I hope so. Did you know when you have sex with someone the 2 of you become 1? “For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” (Ephesians 5:31)
When you become one with someone, it’s HARD to let them go. That’s because your body was never meant to become one with a random person in the first place.
Sex is a beautiful thing. However, it’s so beautiful and precious that God put a fence around it to protect it. That fence is marriage. Also, did you know that sexual immorality is the ONLY sin referenced to as “sinning against your own body”?
“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commit are outside the body, but whoever sin sexually, sins against their own body.” (1 Corinthians 6:18)
Who really wants to sin against their own body? I’m so thankful that these were the type of conversations and bible studies I had the privilege to be involved in —that encouraged me to abstain from sex before marriage.
A few years ago, I ran into the ex-boyfriend who was pressuring me to have sex. He saw me crossing the street and honked to get my attention. We exchanged a few words and that was that. As I laid in bed later on that evening, I couldn’t help but feel extremely grateful to God.
What if I had broken down and given him my virginity? Only to randomly run into him on the streets years later. No, ma’am. I totally dodged a bullet. But when I think things over, it would have been like that for EVERY relationship I was in, with the exception of my fiancé.
Let’s face it, none of those relationships was leading to marriage. They all resulted in me being insecure, feeling rejected, and heartbroken. I’m almost sure the pain would have been worse if I’d given myself to them physically. Talk about an ungodly soul tie for real.
Spiritual Benefits of Abstinence
It’s funny how society tries to flip the script and make it seem like if you’re not having sex before marriage, you’re being uptight and ridiculous.
Listen, God knows what He is doing. He’s sparing us from a whole lot of unnecessary drama: single parenting, STDs, broken hearts, etc. However, we’re only human, and I’m aware that this type of drama, unfortunately, occurs in marriages sometimes. We never understand why, especially when people commit their life to someone before God, family, and friends. All we can do is pray.
Now, I’m no angel, and I don’t want you to think sexual abstinence was easy. It was HARD. I remember praying to God like “I’m getting too old not to be sexually active. A sister has needs.”
Let me tell you, our wedding date was September 06, 2014, and I was BEYOND ecstatic. I would finally see the light! I was giving my husband a gift no one had EVER gotten from me. It was so worth the wait, but I can’t stress enough that it was solely the power of God. He can keep you if you want to be kept.
Upholding a vow of celibacy until marriage will make your future spouse feel even more special and important. This is why I decided to share my story or shall I say, testimony, with you.
Being a virgin in your 30s is something to be proud of. Check out Msnaturally Mary’s story here:
I was once a 30-year-old virgin, and I don’t care if people believe me or not. All I can do is to give glory to God and speak on what he’s done. Of course, it seems impossible to remain a virgin in a sex-driven culture, but my God is greater. Purity is possible, and you are so worth the wait.
The need to feel loved isn’t confined to marriage or even romance—everyone has a desire to be fulfilled by meaningful relationships and unconditional love. Click here to find out what your “Love Language” is as a single.
BMWK – Did you wait until marriage to have sex? I’d love to hear your experience about sexual abstinence below!
Editor’s Note: This post was originally published on June 25, 2014, and has been updated for quality and relevancy.