In most Christian marriages, the husband adopts the role as head of household and leading his family is the accepted convention. The wife submitting to that leadership and fully supporting her man serves to further strengthen the family.
But what happens when that husband struggles with his role? How does the family function when his thoughts, attitude and behaviors don’t signify leadership?
As you can imagine, it becomes very difficult to follow or submit to that type of guidance.
If this is a challenge for your marriage, the 6 steps that follow will help restore not only your husband’s rightful position, but your confidence and trust in him.
Lay hands on your man.
Pray with him and definitely pray over him. Ask God to provide him with the knowledge and wisdom it requires to lead his home and believe that God will move in your request.
Use words of empowerment.
- “Baby, I believe in you”
- “Sweetie, I support you”
- “My love, I am so proud of you”
- “ Honey, I trust you completely”
- “Darling, you are such an excellent provider”
These are all phrases your man should be hearing, frequently.
Avoid the rehash of past errors.
It’s simple.
Don’t keep reminding him of the mistakes that were made under his guidance.
Think about the moments you’ve made a poor decision.
What would you have liked to happen to support you in not reliving it and definitely never repeating it? Do the same for your spouse. Discuss the errors and move on. Don’t belabor the point. It only delays your ability to resolve the situation.
Tell your truth.
Saying to your husband, you believe in him and would love to support him, but you have some concerns, is how you address those issues in your marriage.
We can’t pretend things are going well when they aren’t.
It is important to be intentional in how you approach this conversation. Being judgmental and accusatory will not generate the result you desire or that your marriage needs. You must be loving and gentle in how you express your concerns.
Step back and allow him to lead.
Most men shy away from leading because they have a woman who is independent and has a take charge spirit.
If you desire your husband to actually lead your family, be willing to create a space for him to do so.
Sometimes that requires listening and standing by his decisions.
Seek counsel, resources or any other trusted source.
Please understand you aren’t the first, nor will you be the last wife to experience this challenge in your marriage.
Why not reach out to someone you know and trust, and ask how their relationship was able to survive.
Find books, movies and professionals that specialize in restoring relationships and watch your marriage transform.
We must remember our husbands are human and mistakes will be made.
This is how we grow as a couple. The more you demonstrate your confidence in him, the more determined your husband will be in stepping proudly into his position. Trust me, he will not want to disappoint his leading advocate.
BMWK, how has leadership and submission worked in your marriage?
Lemisha says
Thank u for sharing this.very reassuring.
Tiya says
Lemisha, very glad to hear that. Thank you for reading.
Lemisha says
Thank you for sharing this. Very reassuring.
Lauren says
Thank you Tiya.
These are really good practical insights and strategies , however, I find that my specific circumstance doesn’t fit the norm. What If a man struggles with deeply entrenched habits and personal struggles to the point of resisting help. What then ?
Tiya says
Lauren, thanks for reading and for commenting. Remember, help outside of the relationship doesn’t work for everyone. Ask your spouse what he feels is the best solution for getting your marriage healthy. If he doesn’t see that there are challenges, tell him your truth and that you desire a better relationship and ask if he’s willing to create solutions together.
Anonymous says
Why did you marry him?
Rodney "RJ" Young says
This is an awesome and insightful post! I would add to the last point…. reach out to someone of the same sex for that advice! Many affairs have begun because of consulting someone of the opposite sex for marriage advice.
Tiya says
Rodney, that is an excellent point. Thanks for reading!
Kelly says
This is a great article. What do you do when the man you love feels like you have no confidence in him? I was completely blindsided by this feeling because over the years I have told him I am proud of him and encouraged him but clearly I have missed something. How do you let your man know you have confidence in him?
Tiya says
Kelly, make sure your actions show confidence in him too. Not saying you do this, but sometimes second guessing his decision, or going behind him to double check something he says he’s taken care of could show a lack of confidence, for example.
Tee Tee says
Tiya you are a blessing. I would like to add to your response to Kelly… A persons perception is what they believe. Learn his love language. When you find that out you will better understand how he interprets what you say and do. Try taking the 5 love languages test together.
Tiya says
Tee Tee, thank you. That was an excellent addition!
Pat says
A wonderful write- up.What about a situation where the man feels he has the best ideas?
Tiya says
Pat, sometimes we do have to remind our men it is still a partnership and your thoughts and opinions matter too.
GW says
All that sound very good. Thanks for sharing it. My question is what if the man does not receive his role as a leader in the home.
I get confused at time.
Tiya says
GW, you may have to dig a little deeper with that one and ask him questions about his thoughts on your marriage, and how he views himself as a husband. Ask him if he feels confident in his role or if there is something you can support him with. Remind him that you want both of you to experience the best marriage possible, but you have to be clear on what he needs and what he’s willing to give first.
SJ says
Tiya,
This is a really go article, but in my situation, the roles are reversed. I’m the one who seems to make the most mistakes and pleading for forgiveness. My hubby is a wonderful leader, but at times it stops be from stepping up and taking my role when its needed.
Robin says
God is able great article.Just remember for words of encouragement that you have to be patient when you are praying and want his help when it comes to our husbands and or wives.In his timing that’s what get many Christians.Have patience its the fruit of the spirit.Stand!
Nichole Favors says
So true!!.. But men have to be willing to seek God first for their leadership. And even the strongest women will want to follow their husband.. Foundation has to be a priority to began rooting good leadership in ones marriage.
vera says
Very encouraging
Tanya says
This is a great article, but what can I do if I have so much resentment inside that it’s consuming me? It’s almost impossible to dig deep and pull out anything encouraging or positive. He hasn’t had a full time, permanent job since 2005; omly part time jobs or temp jobs. He’s been out of work for a year and a half, a job that he was fired from for attendance issues, I might add. Unemployment has ended; he has 0 income right now. My paychecks are hone before I even get them. I have so much anger towards him because he put our family in this financial bind. I could probably do a few of these steps if he was laid off, but not when he was fired from a great job. I love him, but I think this stint with no income may do us in. We’ve been together 24 years, but I’ve had enough. All I’m left with now is my faith. Soooo discouraged.