by Amy Morin
Emotions can actually be like a bad cold. Spend enough time with others, and you’re likely to catch whatever they have (or feel). It’s important to take a look at how this can impact your relationship.
What the Research Says
For decades researchers have been studying how our emotions rub off on others. What they’ve found is what a lot of people have already noticed; we tend to develop similar emotions to the people around us.
Our brains are hard wired to notice what other people are feeling. We have something called mirror neurons in our brains which makes us mimic what we see. For example, many people cry when they see someone else cry. Or perhaps you smile when someone else smiles at you. Spend time with happy people and you’re more likely to feel happy. Surround yourself with curmudgeons and you might find yourself complaining more often.
Choose Your Friends Wisely
Since we pick up on the emotions of those around us, it’s important to choose your friends wisely. You don’t get to choose your family, your boss or your co-workers but you can pick your friends. So, it makes sense to look for those who tend to be happy people.
Along with a positive attitude about life, surround yourself with people who also have positive attitudes about their marriage. A friend who talks positively about her marriage and her husband can help you to feel more positive about your own marriage.
On the other hand, a friend who constantly complains about how marriage drags him down and robs him from enjoying the kind of life he wants can also be contagious. If your friends focus on the negative and have a pessimistic attitude, it may rub off on you.
If you have friends who are bringing you down, remember one of the joys of being an adult is that you get to have choices. Limit the amount of time you spend with people who aren’t good for your mental health. And spend more time with the people that see the glass as being half full.
Examine How Your Emotions Impact Your Spouse
Take a look at your emotions and how they likely impact your spouse. For example, do you walk in the door as soon as you get home from work and complain about your day? If so, you may be starting the evening off on the wrong foot. It’s likely to bring you both down which doesn’t exactly set the scene for love and romance.
However, if you tend to be an upbeat, positive thinker with a good attitude it can help your spouse see things from a different angle. You don’t have to act fake around your spouse or force a pretend positive attitude, but try not to get stuck in a rut. If you frown, grumble and fret more than you praise, compliment and smile, you may have an unhealthy impact on your spouse.
Learn to take control of your emotions. You aren’t a victim when it comes to feelings. There are things you can do to take charge of your emotions. Change your thoughts and your behaviors and you’ll likely feel better. Force some positive thoughts, do something different and get active and it can change a bad mood into a much better state of mind.
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