It seems that in every song, sung by an adolescent singer, I hear lyrics about sex, love, hustling, and a host of other things that are not appropriate for their age group. However, what officially sent me “over the edge” was when I happened to come across a pint size (13 year old) rapper whose lyrics can’t be repeated in this article. But to give you a glimpse in the breakdown in parenting let me give you one line:
“I’m rollin’, all my n***** rollin’
.30 clip and them hollow tips have his a** sitting in Roseland
Rollin’ off a pill , p****** better chill
My n***** in the field; you might get killed”
As I listened to this clip, I thought: this is the new America, where barely pubescent teens can get on You Tube a be rewarded as “Up and Coming Rappers”?
This my BMWK family, is bad parenting!
You see, as an educator whose worked in urban school districts for the past ten years, “Lil Mouse” is not anything new. The only difference is that he’s on You Tube getting thousands of comments that “egg on” his thuggish behavior. However, there are middle schoolers that are pregnant, in gangs, failing school, and straight out disrespectful all over America.
What’s the problem you may ask?
Parents have stopped parenting and instead have waved the “white flag” of defeat. They are tired and have given up.
Now immediately parents who visit BMWK regularly will denounce this statement and reply with an indignant, “I’m not like that! I parent my child!” If that’s the case, then I’m not talking to you guys.
I’m talking to your neighbors, cousins and good friends who YOU know have given up parenting- for a variety of reasons. Those are the parents whose kids are left to navigate this harsh world alone and many times end up in jail, dead, or living a life where they’ll never be able to “get ahead”. So what do you say when you see bad parenting in front of you? Do you “mind your business” or do you speak up for the sake of that child not ending up like the ones I mentioned above?
Honestly, I used to be quiet and mind my business. But, one point in particular made me realize that sometimes people don’t know they’re not parenting.
For example, a couple of years ago I was in a parent teacher conference with a 15 year old student who was constantly disruptive in my classroom. She’d curse at the other children, fight and do all other types of ruckus-without “batting an eyebrow”. When I got her mother in the room, it became apparent where she picked up this type of behavior. Her mother cursed, threatened to beat her up and disrespected her. I was floored. When I couldn’t take it any longer, I asked the child to step out of the room and I let the mother have it.
Calmly, I explained to her that cursing, threatening to “beat up” and disrespecting your child wasn’t parenting. And, it was setting a bad example for her daughter. After going “several rounds” with her, the mother finally agreed that she was wrong. Luckily, I was able to set up parenting classes for her family. But, something triggered in me that day. Sometimes parents need help parenting.
It takes a village to raise a child and sometimes that village has to support one another. So if you’re the friend of someone who is a “bad parent” the time has come for you to speak up without fear of repercussions. Speak up now or the next “Lil Mouse” might be someone you once knew.
BMWK – Have you ever spoken up when you saw a instance of “bad parenting” or “no parenting?” How do you draw the line between being helpful and being opinionated?
The position that the author is in being a teacher definitely makes her be more involved in this matter. My circumstances are somewhat different I work around adult babies all day lol who do not act much different than the child she described in the article, but showing an adult their mistakes is much harder of a challenge than showing a child. I believe the task is at hand especially in the Black community for us to care more about our children and raise our children in two parent households. I do not have children yet, I’m reaching my thirties soon and believe in a couple of years we should both be ready for one. I’ve watched those teen mom shows on television and I’ve even taken advice from these sixteen and seventeen year olds they all said its best to plan a child and hold off on one until you and your partner have the necessities in place. I do not plan on having a stranger come up to me and tell me they had to discipline my child, my fiance and I plan on taking up that responsibility.
I love this article. I am a preschool director. I want parents to know that parenting starts from birth, not at 16. In my 17 years in this field I have seen 3 and 4 years old that say things that made me blush. I hear children singing the hooks to ridiculous songs, but don’t know their ABC’s. When talking with parents about inappropriate behaviors, most of them shrug it off or think a whooping is the way to fix it. Parents no longer teach their children life lessons. They must teach them from the beginning about good choices, bad choices and consequences. Thank you for this article.
I just wanted to say I agree with you 110%. People seem to want to let their kids run wild for the first 12-17 years, and THEN want to try to get them to behave once they are pretty much uncontrollable. Brings to mind the young boy who was beating up on small children at a daycare and when they interviewed a family member , she said they know he bully the older kids but that he doesn’t usually hurt babies….so just another case of allowing a child to act how ever they want with no attempts to parent and teach right from wrong.
So true! I am not going to lie, but I do feel a little fear when I want to speak up to others and tell them about their parenting (or lack there of). I remember walking alongside a group that I didn’t know, but who appeared to be a mother and her two teenage sons. The sons were wearing their pants down to their knees. I was shocked that she would even allow them to walk out the house with that foolishness on. I wanted to say something, but who am I to them. I really want to just scream.
Where do these behaviors come from?
Another incident I found myself in was I attended a recent birthday party for my daughter’s little friend. The grandmother their was big bully. I witnessed the grandmother haul off and slap her grandson in the face; the child appeared to be about 5 or 6 yrs. old – and it was a hard hit. I wasn’t sure what to do. I could tell it prob. happens a lot.
Sad days indeed.
I agree. Bad parenting is rampant in this society in general. Black people like to talk about how white kids are so out of control and crazy, but our community isn’t much better these days. I don’t have kids but even if I did, I don’t think I’d be bold enough to tell someone else that they are raising their kids wrong (unless asked). People are really sensitive about that.
But what if you’re not a parent, but you witness bad parenting? I see it all the time, but I’m never quite sure how to approach it.
A lot of times we do not want to step in because we feel that we are judging wrongfully and you are if you judge by the world’s standard. Jesus wants us to make sure that we are judging in a way that checks us first; meaning before we dare say something, let us make sure that we, in this case, are parenting in the way we are about to get on another parent about, Matt 7:1-5.
What is really going on in the situation? I’m referring to the comment on not judging, the Bible also states in John 7:24 “Do not judge according to external appearance, but judge with proper judgment.” Let’s deal with the illness rather than just pacifying the symptoms.
i think kids are cool. any one wanna be my baby momma???