by Eric Payne from the series AP Manhood
Anyone who reads me here and on my blog MakesMeWannaHoller.com knows I fight for the rights of the fellas, especially when discussing the “for better or worse” nuances of marriage.
Why? Because I bring my A-game to the relationship table and expect to be met halfway. I did so as a single man and I do so now as a husband and a father. My A-game is not about smooth moves and lines and having that je ne sais quoi that makes a woman know you are The One (although this does have its necessary place from time to time). No, it’s much simpler and actually quite old fashioned. I’m talking about chivalry.
Any man who doesn’t believe he needs to respect or honor women as he does himself is a fool. Whether this means giving your seat to a pregnant woman on the train or bus, helping an elderly woman (if she wants it) to cross the street or down the hall, holding doors open for a woman walking behind you as you enter a building, opening car doors, pulling out her seat at dinner, bending down to pick something up that a woman dropped or at the very least letting her know she dropped it, saying “Please” and “Thank you” when making a request or receiving any gesture of kindness from a woman…the list is endless and should be adhered to in all but the most extreme cases. In these instances all you can do is pray for folks.
I’m not going to state that men haven’t had their share of bad experiences with the dead-wrong girl or the unfortunate multiple run-in(s) with women who had the misfortune of not being parented so that they learned to respect themselves or understand that kindness isn’t weakness. But these relationship fiascos are a part of life. Don’t make the next girl pay for the crimes of the ex-girl.
Women are our mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, cousins, aunts, teachers, nurses, pastors, etc. For the man out there not giving a flying you-know-what about women I pose this question: How would you feel if some man felt the same and acted accordingly toward any of the valuable women in your life? And if not them, how about your daughter?
As my little daughter says, “Girls rock!” Damn what a rapper says in front of a catchy beat or what some high pitched young’n sings on today’s top R&B singles wishing with all his might he could croon for five seconds like Marvin or Teddy and dance like Michael. Chivalry ain’t dead, just the thinking of those who believe otherwise. Women don’t let any man rob or never acknowledge your value because you just want him so. If he doesn’t respect you or you witness him not respecting his momma or any other female that he should be valuing please, run the other way. Run fast. Or opt to educate, but please don’t date.
BMWK what happens when you run into a man who is hardly chivalrous? Women do you take him on believing you can “change” him? Men, do you sit this brother down and attempt to set him straight for the sake of our community as a whole, or do you just leave him to his own foolishness?
Follow Eric on Facebook and Twitter. He is the author of DAD: As Easy As A, B, C! and has written the articles Investing In An Emotional Letdown and the now infamous, My Wife Is NOT My Friend (on Facebook). He keeps it candid about being a man, dad and husband on his blog, Makes Me Wanna Holler.com.
Hmm im wit this, but i also feel that if your with a women and (not that she has to) she does things of this nature or attempts to, then she is worth chilvary.. What i hate is for a women to always look at a man like “you pose to do this or that” yeah right, show me respect and those things are easy to do… Its not about making one pay for a past ex, its about respect for one another…. Mutual respect, and if i dont get that respect im going to look at you like what? See its about the principle and understanding, that down to earth sista whos independent enough to realize that she got two hands and two feet too….. A person like me will be like hold on i got that(only if respect as been established) but all that “u pose to do that” uh uh, das hood, and when a women is mature enough to realize that the small things we do count (filling up gas in her car) i wasnt looking for a pat on the back, but glad it was acknowledge, which tells me that what im doing is respected… So more of that to come, but saying “i need u to go fill up my gas”… Dud.. Lol loss of respect unless asked correctly..”you think u can feel up my gas, i get paid friday i can give it back” im more like i got u, dont wrry about it… That is respect and mutual understanding… If im with you and i recognize your need and knowing that u are genuine and respect me, its easy to be this way… Its in my dna…(all guys really) excluding the immature ones… Lol but what im saying is, if you recognize something thats in need of your partner.. (gas) fill it up or acknowledge the help…. Dont just say oh, you aint got no gas… U betta go fill up… I could have said thats your problem but ur my wife and have my son duh… Why wouldnt i, its the mutual respect and acknowledgment of the OTHERS need… Chivalry seems dead because people dont understand the principle behind it and that goes for men and women.
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Like truegentleman said: ‘Chivalry seems dead because people dont understand the principle behind it and that goes for men and women.’ We as a society have to make sure that we do our best to keep it alive by teaching it to our children and enstill in them that they have to teach it to their children and so on. Me being a female, I listen to alot of my female acquaintances who automatically assume and tag men with what they should do for women, but I try to tell them that some things are earned, but with me saying that, I’m making it bad for women. In no way, shape or form is that what I’m trying to do. I’m just trying to get them to understand that it’s a two way street and what my man can do for me, I can do the same for him. Show him that he’s appreciated. That’s all!!
There’s a lot of heartless and insenitive men in this world,as well as women…It goes both ways,most men treat women as they see it,vice versa…If you met a person he/she that make you feel less then you’re,you need to move around, because if you get struck in that whirlpool,there’s no pulling yourself out,until you want to stop the cycle….you can not mold noone into what you want them to be,if you even think you can you’re the foolish one..As the old saying,a wise men will change,but a fool want and that all i have to say about that…ladies,you must learn where you stand in the relationship,you must determined are you his soulmates,are you his bed partner?.I’m just saying be caution,you can be blind to love,that you forget to focus,on how you deserve to be treated as a women,are even an individual…If you fall down on self or life,pick yourself back up,learn from your mistakes,and move on…
Men definately something to think about—what if it were your “daughter” receiving some of the trifling, irresponsible, hoodish mentality that you dish out? Ok but the gentleman article also brought it home when it acknowledged the women—in reality men treat women the way they “allow” them to! My father and mother told me no gentleman would come to your house and blow the horn for you to come out–I will teach my son in time —-don t date a woman that would “allow” you to do that to her! The street flows both ways. And I tell young people all the time that “both” of you should bring something to the table in a relationship—not expecting the man to “rescue” her and not looking for the woman to “serve” him! You both bring something to share with the other
Here’s a thought.. dig this… I was out with some friends the other day and noticed a lady with some rather large tattoos, so I made a comment about how roles in society has changed and now there is no division of MAN/WOMAN since women get these crazy tattoos all over their body but still want to be considered ladylike.
So how does that apply to the concept of Chivalry? Well what is Chivalry but a mutual respect. Men can be just as Chivalrous to other men. But we’re talking about a certain role placement of what it means to be a man. Chivalry, as it were, existed in a time when Men were taught certain roles of being a gentlemen in relation to a woman and society and conversely women were taught certain certain roles in response to enhance and accentuate her womanhood.
But the lines are skewed and no one wants to accept roles any longer unless it benefits them. It seems as if many (not all) but many women know what it means to be a man and a gentleman but know nothing of what it means to be a Lady. It’s as if by mere existence alone into womanhood automatically buys you a ticket on the “Lady-Train”
If Chivalry is to remain alive and well and thrive then not just men but also women need to embrace roles and not just the role of the Man but also the role of the Woman, for what use is there of a Gentleman if he is not in the presence of a Lady?