In the beginning of any relationship there is excitement, energy and effort. The primary goal focuses on impressing the other person. We usually say and do all the right things in order to maintain the original attraction. Then a few months down the line we get comfortable and our true colors are eventually revealed. We are no longer as concerned about saying and doing the right things nor are we as interested in trying to impress our partner. Why would we, now that we’ve gotten what we wanted? The thing most people tend to forget is that just as easy as it was to attract our partner, it is also easy to run them away.
A marriage where neither partner is putting forth the energy and effort is doomed to fail. It’s easy to get comfortable and overlook what our marriages truly need. With the busyness of our lives and the raising of our families, it is simple to settle for a mediocre marriage.
When we see the signs that our marriage is in trouble and choose not to take immediate action, we are settling. The moment things start to feel a little strange, we shouldn’t suffer in silence. Share with your partner your thoughts and feelings, seek outside counseling or spiritual guidance and discuss it. Allowing the situation to fester is doing more damage than you know.
When we are no longer spontaneous, we are settling. Planning in advance becomes commonplace when we have a family. Taking time away from our hectic schedule to surprise our spouse after work or calling in the babysitter just to have time alone at home has a lasting impact on the relationship.
When we get comfortable with the lack of communication in our relationship, we are settling. Because there are so many resources and tools available to us, there is really no legit reason for us not to improve how we communicate with one another. If each partner made listening their ultimate goal, communication would greatly improve.
When we make excuses for not maintaining our half of the relationship, we are settling. Instead of pointing fingers, we must take responsibility for our actions, extend more grace to our partner and try harder.
Many marriages fail because both partners, at some point, settled for a mediocre marriage. I urge everyone reading this post not to settle. Don’t be afraid to speak up, get uncomfortable and take action when your marriage is in trouble.
BMWK – are you settling for a mediocre marriage? What are you doing to keep the spontaneity in your marriage?