Where are all the good women? This is a common question many single Christian men ask. Many are frustrated with being overlooked or the fact that they feel it has been too hard to find a “quality woman of God.” They hear a lot of women claiming greatness, but it isn’t lining up with what they experience. Are Christian women the problem, or are these single Christian men overlooking their behavior that has contributed to the issue? We previously took a look at the 7 Mistakes Single Christian Women Make in Relationships, and now let’s examine the 7 mistakes single Christian men make with relationships.
7 Mistakes Single Christian Men Make With Relationships
In this article:
- Not Being in Church Enough for the Right Reasons
- Not Embracing Celibacy for Yourself
- Making Sex Too High of a Priority
- Overlooking Your Own Personal Issues
- Thinking That Being a Good Guy is Good Enough
- Entertaining Fruitless Relationships
- Not Seeking God’s Direct Guidance
Not Being in Church Enough for the Right Reasons
If you’re in church to play the part of the good Christian man, that’s a wrong reason. If you mainly go because you know there will be a lot of single women looking for a man, that’s also not a good reason. There is already a male presence lacking in many churches. But when a single Christian man goes, it should be to focus on God and his spiritual growth. When you get your priorities in order, then your blessing can easily fall into place. Not to mention that…. your spiritual leadership will be better positioned. And that is something most (if not all) Christian women want in the man they’re with. But your focus should still be your growth.
Not Embracing Celibacy for Yourself
There are a lot of men who love God, but they still struggle with engaging in sexual activity. When a man has already experienced sex in his life, it can become his weakness. Celibacy should be embraced more by single Christian men….but they don’t see the benefit of it. It just goes against what many feel is in their nature, and living in such a sexually charged society doesn’t make it any easier. Yet ask any man who found the strength to do it, and most (if not all) can point to increased productivity, efficiency, and a decrease in drama. Sex is a huge distraction for men, and the inability to overcome it leads to many issues and the delay/blocking of many blessings.
Making Sex Too High of a Priority
A lot of single Christian men place too high of a priority on sex. The minute they meet a woman who is trying to stick to the standard of celibacy, many tend to run away. One of the concerns is that they want to ensure themselves they find a “freak” or simply a woman who is capable and willing to sexually satisfy them. They don’t want to end up married to some woman who isn’t willing and good at sexually satisfying them. Problem is… they lack the understanding that a deeper non-sexual connection is a huge key to great sex in the long run. That’s where the focus should be. Because she may be a freak today, but without a genuine connection, that freak is likely to go into hiding, eventually.
Overlooking Your Own Personal Issues
Just like I told the women, “we all have issues”, but that isn’t and shouldn’t be an excuse to ignore them. There is a huge focus on the issues that women have, but many single Christian men neglect to check themselves on their own. I understand most men aren’t raised to express themselves, but instead to suppress how they feel. That just won’t work, and when you notice that you can’t establish a great healthy relationship with a woman, then the issue may likely reside within you. Lack of fatherly guidance/love, sexual abuse, and previous heartbreaks to name a few. These things must be addressed, and should not be viewed as a sign of weakness when you can acknowledge you need more healing.
Thinking That Being a Good Guy is Good Enough
“I’m a good Christian man!” That’s great, but what else you got? I don’t say that to dismiss or devalue that quality. It’s just that too many are using that as their calling card, and overlook the many other areas in their life they could improve on. Being a good guy doesn’t mean you have become the man God has created you to be. You may not be doing all you need to do, and therefore you probably won’t receive all that you deserve to get. There is always room for improvement and never think too highly of yourself to believe your work as a man is done.
Entertaining Fruitless Relationships
One of the other reasons focusing on sex too much is an issue is because it leads many single Christian men to entertain women they know they aren’t serious about. She is a “stop-gap” and he may figure dealing with her, in the meantime, while he continues to look out for a “marriage worthy woman” (to him) is harmless. I’m here to tell you that this is all a distraction. Those convenient relationships that are going nowhere can keep a man from getting to his rightful destination. It may not seem that way, but holding on to women who aren’t truly for you can hinder you from receiving the woman that is.
Not Seeking God’s Direct Guidance
Single Christian men and men, in general, tend to lean on logic. If they meet a woman they are genuinely interested in who seems to be a good fit, then proceeding to something more makes sense to them. Unfortunately, what looks good isn’t always good for you. There has to be a greater effort to not lean on your own understanding and to seek God’s guidance in knowing who you should and should not pursue. Some believe you can just select who you want, but then don’t be mad when you find out what you really ended up with. God knows better than us, so it would be in a man’s best interest to get His insight rather than expect Him to work around yours.
This is not an attack on single Christian men, just like the previous article was not an attack on single Christian women. Some things on the men’s list can apply to some women, and vice versa. There are more mistakes we could discuss but ultimately we just need to be willing to hold ourselves accountable for the things we can make better. We should be open to having mature discussions about it and embrace the process of self-growth required in all of our lives. We can’t control what others do, so place more focus on self-reflection instead of pointing the finger elsewhere. As you grow into the person God created you to be, you will position yourself to receive the person that is truly best for you.
BMWK: Are you ready to change your dating mistakes?
Editor’s Note: BMWK originally published this post on October 23, 2013. We have updated it for quality and relevancy.