Every married couple experiences marriage problems. Being married is hard, and whether we admit it or not, we have those moments when we can not STAND our better half’s actions. You don’t hate them but, darn it, at that moment you can’t, for the life of you, think straight to say anything good about them. Let me give you an example that a lot of wives can relate to.
Marriage Problems | How to Get over a Disagreement
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You get up late at night to use the restroom and as you reach to sit down, you fall in the toilet because your spouse forgot to close the toilet seat! Having angry thoughts coupled with a wet behind, you angrily curse your spouse (hopefully in your head) and go to bed wishing for an attitude adjustment.
What Triggers Fights
Men, I’m sure all of you can understand this example: You’ve just sat down to watch the SEC Championship with your friends. You suddenly get a phone call from your frantic wife who ran out of gas- after you’ve repeatedly told her to fill up her tank. You grudgingly go to meet her (with gas) and by the time you get back to watching the game, it’s half-time. Yes, you love her to pieces, but you’re also ‘mad as hell’ at her. These emotions are what really happens in marriages.
Sometimes, you’re mad about trivial issues (like above). But sometimes, the issues are much bigger such as infidelity, emotional abandonment, etc. Maybe you’re still mad at your spouse for committing infidelity or for not being there emotionally for you. You’ve attended counseling and vowed to make things better, but you just can’t shake this feeling.
We All Get Mad
Being mad is a natural emotion, but how you deal with it is a good indicator of the longevity of your marriage. So how do I ‘get over’ my emotions to still be a good partner in my marriage? Do I just forget about what happened like nothing ever happened? Or do I confront our marriage problems head on? It depends on the circumstances, but here are four steps I use to deal with those moments when I just can’t stand my spouse!
1. Pray Hard
I use this often- in my life in general. However, those moments when I’m seriously MAD at my spouse, I take a moment and just pray. I pray for understanding, patience and for restraint. Most times, I go to a quiet space and just pray until I feel better. Sometimes, I pray for 5 minutes, while other times I’m praying for an hour — whatever it takes to make me feel better about the situation.
2. Forgive Often
Our spouses are human and many times, while we may be mad at them, they honestly have NO CLUE of why we’re mad. The night that I fell in the toilet, my husband was fast asleep. He had no clue why I got back in the bed angry after having to take another shower at 3 AM. So despite him interrupting an uneventful night, I had to forgive him. That’s part of being married, forgiving one another, even if you sometimes don’t want to.
3. Let Them Know Why You’re Angry
Being angry and not saying why you’re mad is as productive as spanking a child without telling them why they’re being spanked. So, whenever you’re calm enough to discuss your feelings with your spouse, be honest but be mindful of their feelings.
4. Forget About It
Yep, if you’ve followed steps 1-3, then all you have left to do is forget about it. That’s the true measure if you love your spouse. Love holds no record.
What should you do when you’re arguing with your spouse? Listen to Steve Harvey’s take on couple’s fights in this video:
There will be people who will never admit they have marriage problems and to having times when they can’t ‘stand’ their spouse. They’ll swear that this article has nothing to do with them. But in marriage, there will be days you just can’t stand what your spouse does. It’s normal, now get over it. In the end, I married for life, so I make sure the days where I’m in a ‘funk’ are fewer than the days I’m happy.
Now my BMWK family, what do you do when you just can’t ‘stand’ your spouse?
Editor’s Note – This post was originally published on December 4, 2012, and has been updated for quality and relevancy.