I found this statement left on an article I had posted on BMWK just recently. I thought it was interesting and wondered if the idea had any truth to it.
Of course it is a very powerful statement, one a lot of wives don’t necessarily want to hear or think about. However, could it be true? Are there really men who are able to maintain a marriage because they have a side chick?
It seems backwards to me.
I just wonder why that type of man wouldn’t choose to be honest about his needs, providing an opportunity to his wife to fulfill them first. How can someone not feel remorse about breaking the heart of someone they say they love and potentially destroying their family.
It all makes me think about the reasons people really cheat. Cheating is deceitful and painful, but it doesn’t mean that all people who cheat have that thinking in mind.
- Some cheat because they are not fulfilled at home.
- Others, because they can.
- Some do it because they got caught up one night.
- There are those having full-fledged affairs where all respect and love for their marriage and spouse is obviously not their top priority.
As wives, we’d like to think we’re doing everything right to ensure our spouse is the king of the castle and actually feels like one too. When he makes the decision to be with another woman, it’s natural to question why.
The advice usually given to married women who’ve experienced infidelity is not to consider the other woman. But that becomes difficult as you begin the process of moving forward.
We sometimes want to know what she’s like; is she prettier, does she have a better body, is she better in bed and does she make him happier. Having those answers won’t heal a woman’s broken heart. Deciding to forgive and creating solutions on how to heal and move forward will.
In our curiosity about the other woman/the side chick, and the affair in general, what we should be wondering is the following:
What was the void she was filling for my husband?
Does she quench a thirst my husband never told me he had?
How long did my husband have this affair?
Did having her on the side make him a better husband to me?
Does he actually need a side chick?
Does he need multiple women to be happy?
Will there be another side chick in the future?
Do all men really cheat?
These are tough questions to answer and discuss with a spouse. I know – not all men cheat and the reasons for those who do vary. There are things we can learn from the thinking behind infidelity and the side chick.
- Sometimes the side chick may have made life simpler.
- Maybe our spouse didn’t have to beg for sex or intimacy.
- Perhaps their ego was stroked in just the right way.
Marriage is challenging because both partners are wanting their needs met at the same time. But each partner’s goal should be to make this the best relationship possible for the other, which means their needs come first. We have to be honest in answering whether or not we are doing just that.
BMWK, what are your thoughts on the lessons we can learn from the side chick?
In my parents case, my dad cheated repeatedly because he was in search of a financially responsible woman–the opposite of my mom. The more my mom made money mistakes, the more my dad cheated with women who made good money and had successful careers. In their case, there was nothing my mom could do to stop him. She put up with it for 30+ years because he was the breadwinner and she needed him to survive.