Making love is a celebration for you and your spouse. Let me let that sink in a minute…leans back and looks up…places hand on chin… Yes, making love in marriage is the result of you and your spouse connecting, then celebrating your connection. So, if making love isn’t feeling like much of a celebration to you or your wife, then maybe you are missing a connection or two.
A few weeks ago my wife and I attended a weekend marriage retreat. Our relationship has been clicking on a much greater level since then. One huge takeaway for me was viewing sex as a celebration.
That physical celebration will never happen the way it should without some other non-physical connections first.
Celebrations are fun. Celebrations are rewarding. Celebrations come after something has been accomplished. There is no closer, more intimate, way to connect with another human being than having sex. What a great idea God had when He made us with the physical ability to celebrate like this! However, don’t get it twisted. That physical celebration will never happen the way it should without some other non-physical connections first. Many wives are probably shaking their head, yes, confirmation of that statement.
The speaker at the marriage conference said when a man and woman connect on three levels the physical celebration of sex will naturally follow, naturally.
Fellas, if you make these three connections you will “celebrate” as much you can handle. In fact, you may have to take a break from celebrating. That is a great problem to have.
Are there marriages that have sex even when they haven’t made the three connections? Yes. Are there marriages that have connected in one or two areas, but not the third, and still have regular sex. I’m sure there are. But the sex may not be the celebration both husband and wife are looking for. Maybe the husband is celebrating in the physical, but not the wife.
Here are the three connections you need to make to regularly celebrate with sex in your marriage:
1) Connect EMOTIONALLY – Sex is more risky for a woman than a man. During sex a woman is vulnerable and she is in a submissive position. Husbands, if you have not made an emotional connection, it becomes harder for your wife to be willing to celebrate. When your wife feels emotionally safe and secure, she is more likely to want to celebrate. Fellas, make your wife feel emotionally safe. Help her want to celebrate.
2) Connect INTELLECTUALLY – What makes your spouse tick? What are his/her likes and dislikes? Get in your spouse’s head. When you connect on this level, you will have more intimate conversations. You both will reveal more to one another. A level of transparency will come. You will even be able to talk about sex. Fellas, you won’t be shooting (or feeling) “blindly” hoping you are in the right area. You’ll know because you both feel connected enough to discuss it.
3) Connect SPIRITUALLY – I don’t know where you are in your relationship with Christ. But I know my marriage would not have made it this far without Christ being #1 in our relationship. Connecting at this level is amazing. Prayer for and with your wife tears down any barriers. Try praying for your spouse when you are mad at him or her. The more you pray for them the more that anger goes away. Connecting spiritually tears down all barriers and makes it that much easier to celebrate.
Maybe your marriage and sex life is all that you both hoped for. Would you agree that connecting on those levels has been a huge reason? Maybe your marriage and sex life is suffering and nothing to celebrate. If so, work on connecting emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. Then start poppin’ bottles because the celebration will soon follow.
BMWK – How can you better connect with your spouse emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually?
Georgia @ how to find a man says
I can’t agree more with the multiple degrees of connection.
Love is a multi dimensional thing where both men and women have a lot of needs.
I really connect with my men when we talk for just the sake of talking. I feel open with him that way.
great post! thank you! any advice on how to find christian marriage retreat for my husband and i?